Just wanted to expand on something mentioned in a comment. Namely why women would be stupid enough to vote for Hillary. There's plenty of reasons not to vote for her.
- not looking forward to 4 years of Bill. Cuz you know he isn't going to just shut up and host dinners.
- You're black and you're afraid your friends will find out you didn't vote for Obama and come for you in the middle of the night.
- You fell for her bullshit and voted her into office in New York and you regret it.
then we have reasons people will vote for her.
- You hate black people and you'll be damned if you do anything that would lead to one running the country.
- you want to be in her good graces because you know that when a Clinton hands out political favors, pardons, and no-bid contracts for supporting the military in a military conflict in a country that is no threat to the United States *cough*Bosnia*cough* the media doesn't give a shit and will never look into it or accuse you of being a war-profiteer.
- two words: heavy drinking
- hoping it will get you laid to show how much you care about chicks. if this is you, please for the love of god just go pay for an escort. or get really fucked up and bang a girl you know you wouldn't bang unless you were drunk.
- have those stitches from the lobotomy healed yet?
and the reason why 95% of the women who vote for her are voting for her.....
- you've been convinced that as a woman, you are OBLIGATED to vote for ANY woman who runs for office because your feminist overlords have made it clear that any woman not voting for Hillary is a traitor to her gender. even if the woman is incapable of telling the truth, is power-hungry at a level that James Bond villains couldn't even imagine, and hasn't actually accomplished anything since she first set foot in DC.
this strategy will only work on white women. why? because black women would rather be black than a woman. simple as that. ain't going to work on ANY men because given the choice they'd all rather be sexist than racist. sorry to say but as a voter that's the choice you face. if you don't vote for Hillary, you hate women. if you don't vote for Obama, you hate black people. So what's it going to be?
and no, i don't think you're either whichever way you vote, but that's what the media will present it as.
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Sunday, February 17, 2008
Ending robbery
i love anime. it's better animation than anything America will ever put out and the stories are far better too. My all-time favorite is Macross Plus. My top 3 is:
1 - Macross Plus
2 - Cowboy Bebop
3 - Neon Genesis Evangelion
but there is something about anime that bugs me. endings. the Japanese really don't seem to know the meaning of the word "closure" do they? it's either that or they get bored making it REALLY easy.
macross plus closed up pretty good. guld and isamu work it out, sharon is destroyed, and it seems myung and isamu will end up together.... but they never really spell it out.
cowboy bebop. looks like spike kicks the bucket, edward is gone, jet and faye seem to be left alone and missing spike. or do they? spike is a pretty resilient guy, i think it's not out of the question he survives. right? guess we'll never know.
evangelion..... now this one i felt just plain ROBBED. i'm not alone. i remember my best friend chris saying that andy, one of the guys we went to school with, got violently upset at how it ended. i'm not MAD, i'm just disappointed. the show went from GREAT to FUCKING WEIRD fast. such a shame.
am i alone here? does anyone else feel a bit cheated?
1 - Macross Plus
2 - Cowboy Bebop
3 - Neon Genesis Evangelion
but there is something about anime that bugs me. endings. the Japanese really don't seem to know the meaning of the word "closure" do they? it's either that or they get bored making it REALLY easy.
macross plus closed up pretty good. guld and isamu work it out, sharon is destroyed, and it seems myung and isamu will end up together.... but they never really spell it out.
cowboy bebop. looks like spike kicks the bucket, edward is gone, jet and faye seem to be left alone and missing spike. or do they? spike is a pretty resilient guy, i think it's not out of the question he survives. right? guess we'll never know.
evangelion..... now this one i felt just plain ROBBED. i'm not alone. i remember my best friend chris saying that andy, one of the guys we went to school with, got violently upset at how it ended. i'm not MAD, i'm just disappointed. the show went from GREAT to FUCKING WEIRD fast. such a shame.
am i alone here? does anyone else feel a bit cheated?
Saturday, February 16, 2008
voting
I read on another blog someone remarking that voting time is coming up and that we should all get out and vote no matter who we support because that's what defines us as Americans.....etc.... you get the point. i respect that opinion, kinda. i do think our voting right is vastly important, but voting just to vote or just so you can say "i voted so i matter as an American" or even worse trying to pull the "if you don't vote you can't complain" card. to quote Chris Rock, "you can steer a car with your feet if you want to, that don't make it a good fucking idea!!!" the lesson is, just because you CAN doesn't mean SHOULD. sometimes not doing it means more than doing it. right now, i think our choices as voters suck. look at who we got to choose from.
- McCain. a wanna-be republican. for me, it isn't that he "isn't conservative enough" it's that he tries to play that he works with the Dems when the reality is, he folds faster than Superman on laundry day. "working with" means you give AND receive.
- Huckabee. a former minister. pardon the pun but, GOD no. we do NOT need a really religious person running the show. i mean, holy shit, that's why we're in the middle east. because really religious people are running the show and it's gotten out of fucking control. can't we at least TRY an atheist president?
- Hillary. Insanity, plain and simple. this woman will do or say whatever she has to in order to get this job. she doesn't even hide it. i mean, JUST how gullible are you if you actually trust her? too gullible to be allowed to vote in my opinion. look, i may not agree with ANY of their policies but when it comes down to her and Obama, i believe Obama is doing it to try and make a difference. with her, i know she just wants the power. we've been forced to listen to 7 years of bitching about how power-mongering Bush and Cheney are.... so the solution is electing THIS????
- Obama. the guy doesn't have the experience. this could help him. my brother says "he just isn't jaded enough yet for Washington". right now he's basically running on "i'm something different" and "i promise change" and "i'm black" and "i'm not Hillary". that last one might just net him some conservative votes eager to stick it to McCain.
so let's look at the reality of the situation. nothing is going to change. nothing big anyways. doesn't really matter who gets elected. look, when you vote, the only message you're sending is "you said what you had to and spent what you had to, here's a vote. congrats." oh sure you might wanna say "i'm an american and this is my right." but they won't hear it as that.
lemme put it this way. the owner of the NY Knicks. he pretty much does whatever the hell he wants. the fact that he hasn't fired Isiah is proof he couldn't give a fuck what the peons of New York think. why? because there's still people showing up for games. maybe they show up to boo, maybe they show up because they still love the team and feel they shouldn't suffer due to poor management, maybe they show up to watch the other team.... all worthless. all the owner understands is that tickets are being bought, money is coming in, and therefore why should he care WHY.
same thing with politicians. votes cast only translate to 1 of 2 things to them.
1 - i said the right things.
2 - i said the wrong things.
if the country was serious about change, they'd stop rewarding lies with votes. and yet, here we are.
- McCain. a wanna-be republican. for me, it isn't that he "isn't conservative enough" it's that he tries to play that he works with the Dems when the reality is, he folds faster than Superman on laundry day. "working with" means you give AND receive.
- Huckabee. a former minister. pardon the pun but, GOD no. we do NOT need a really religious person running the show. i mean, holy shit, that's why we're in the middle east. because really religious people are running the show and it's gotten out of fucking control. can't we at least TRY an atheist president?
- Hillary. Insanity, plain and simple. this woman will do or say whatever she has to in order to get this job. she doesn't even hide it. i mean, JUST how gullible are you if you actually trust her? too gullible to be allowed to vote in my opinion. look, i may not agree with ANY of their policies but when it comes down to her and Obama, i believe Obama is doing it to try and make a difference. with her, i know she just wants the power. we've been forced to listen to 7 years of bitching about how power-mongering Bush and Cheney are.... so the solution is electing THIS????
- Obama. the guy doesn't have the experience. this could help him. my brother says "he just isn't jaded enough yet for Washington". right now he's basically running on "i'm something different" and "i promise change" and "i'm black" and "i'm not Hillary". that last one might just net him some conservative votes eager to stick it to McCain.
so let's look at the reality of the situation. nothing is going to change. nothing big anyways. doesn't really matter who gets elected. look, when you vote, the only message you're sending is "you said what you had to and spent what you had to, here's a vote. congrats." oh sure you might wanna say "i'm an american and this is my right." but they won't hear it as that.
lemme put it this way. the owner of the NY Knicks. he pretty much does whatever the hell he wants. the fact that he hasn't fired Isiah is proof he couldn't give a fuck what the peons of New York think. why? because there's still people showing up for games. maybe they show up to boo, maybe they show up because they still love the team and feel they shouldn't suffer due to poor management, maybe they show up to watch the other team.... all worthless. all the owner understands is that tickets are being bought, money is coming in, and therefore why should he care WHY.
same thing with politicians. votes cast only translate to 1 of 2 things to them.
1 - i said the right things.
2 - i said the wrong things.
if the country was serious about change, they'd stop rewarding lies with votes. and yet, here we are.
Friday, February 15, 2008
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Spaceships
Link to
Great Spaceship Sacrifices.
with video.
this is good stuff. personally i think the Pegasus from Battlestar Galactica is the best. Simply because the whole episode was just plain fucking awesome. I mean, you're watching and you're thinking, "oh man how the hell are they getting out of this one?" and then Lee shows up and starts whooping Cylon ass. This was the same episode that had the Galactica entering the planet's atmosphere, launching fighters, and then hyperjumping a few hundred feet off the ground in a fit of TV badassery.
UPDATE: here you go. both scenes. god this was an awesome episode.
Great Spaceship Sacrifices.
with video.
this is good stuff. personally i think the Pegasus from Battlestar Galactica is the best. Simply because the whole episode was just plain fucking awesome. I mean, you're watching and you're thinking, "oh man how the hell are they getting out of this one?" and then Lee shows up and starts whooping Cylon ass. This was the same episode that had the Galactica entering the planet's atmosphere, launching fighters, and then hyperjumping a few hundred feet off the ground in a fit of TV badassery.
UPDATE: here you go. both scenes. god this was an awesome episode.
Saturday, February 09, 2008
Clarify
Got a message from an old friend. Well, not old, just someone i haven't heard from in a while. She invites me to join her "former Hendrick haters who still love Dale Jr" support group. I had to chuckle. It got me to thinking though, there's probably a lot of sports fans out there who wouldn't quite get that or understand just how much pain Dale Jr fans are experiencing right now. So let me try and explain.
Suspend a bit of reality for a minute and try and picture this scenario:
suppose 2 major "unthinkable" events happened in Baseball. no, not Barry admitting to the steroids. suppose for some reason, the NY Mets just went and left town. They had enough of playing second fiddle to the Yankees and they found new stomping grounds elsewhere. Doesn't really matter where. Now imagine at the same time, the entire Boston Red Sox organization has a falling out with the city of Boston (the leaders, not the fans). Tempers flare, threats are leveled, and in a moment that changes fan's lives, the Boston Red Sox move to New York. Yeah yeah i know, the circumstances have to be outrageous and the legal things etc.... but bear with me.
so now picture yourself a Red Sox fan. what do you do? You still love your team. You believe them when they said they had to do what was best for them. You know they didn't do it to piss on you, the fan. What now? As a Red Sox fan it's always been your obligation to hate all things NY. It's in your blood. It's a requirement for being a Sox fan. Now YOUR team is putting up their feet in front of a fireplace in enemy territory. Your whole world has become conflicted.
So back to reality. Now that you picture that, i think you're ready to get a feel for what Jr fans are going thru. The torment of loyalty clashing with hatred. We still wish all the best for Jr, but as an "Earnhardt" fan we can't just "purge" the automatic hatred we feel for Gordon-Hendrick. We all cheered and hoped against hope for Jr to bring a championship back to DEI. we were waiting for SOME kind of happy memory to fill that void when Dale Sr left. it never came. instead we sat thru 7 seasons of disappointment only to have it all come to a head and have our whole fan-world come crashing down thanks to a business arrangement gone wrong. I think it would be easier to accept if it was a trade or something, but a BUSINESS decision?
I still wish nothing but the best for Dale Jr. He's a class act and a great driver.
Suspend a bit of reality for a minute and try and picture this scenario:
suppose 2 major "unthinkable" events happened in Baseball. no, not Barry admitting to the steroids. suppose for some reason, the NY Mets just went and left town. They had enough of playing second fiddle to the Yankees and they found new stomping grounds elsewhere. Doesn't really matter where. Now imagine at the same time, the entire Boston Red Sox organization has a falling out with the city of Boston (the leaders, not the fans). Tempers flare, threats are leveled, and in a moment that changes fan's lives, the Boston Red Sox move to New York. Yeah yeah i know, the circumstances have to be outrageous and the legal things etc.... but bear with me.
so now picture yourself a Red Sox fan. what do you do? You still love your team. You believe them when they said they had to do what was best for them. You know they didn't do it to piss on you, the fan. What now? As a Red Sox fan it's always been your obligation to hate all things NY. It's in your blood. It's a requirement for being a Sox fan. Now YOUR team is putting up their feet in front of a fireplace in enemy territory. Your whole world has become conflicted.
So back to reality. Now that you picture that, i think you're ready to get a feel for what Jr fans are going thru. The torment of loyalty clashing with hatred. We still wish all the best for Jr, but as an "Earnhardt" fan we can't just "purge" the automatic hatred we feel for Gordon-Hendrick. We all cheered and hoped against hope for Jr to bring a championship back to DEI. we were waiting for SOME kind of happy memory to fill that void when Dale Sr left. it never came. instead we sat thru 7 seasons of disappointment only to have it all come to a head and have our whole fan-world come crashing down thanks to a business arrangement gone wrong. I think it would be easier to accept if it was a trade or something, but a BUSINESS decision?
I still wish nothing but the best for Dale Jr. He's a class act and a great driver.
Thursday, February 07, 2008
100 things about women
this is an old post. i originally broke it up into 5 or 6 posts, but i think it works better as one giant one.
i found this on maxim.com
100 things guys need to know about women. time to add jimmy comments to it to spice it up.
100 list in italics, my comments in bold.
100. Girls enjoy always having something kind of wrong, like a headache or cramping or something. Remember: No matter how bad it sounds, she’s going to outlive you.
yeah, that's cuz they use underhanded tactics like playing sick in order to suck the life out of us.
99. Most women will not have sex for the first time with a guy unless their legs are shaved. If your date shows up and you spot stubble, she’s trying to keep herself in line.
if i can SPOT stubble then that shit must be thick as hell. which means she skipped more than a couple days.
98. No matter how much she reassures you, if you can’t get a hard-on she assumes you’re not attracted to her.
then maybe she needs to use her mouth for something other than "reassurance" to get things going.
97. Beware of your girlfriend's single party friend or gay bud. They want her to be single with them and will encourage any bad behavior as often as possible.
this is where preemptive strikes come into play.
96. Jewelry. Now you always know what to get her for a last-minute gift.
great, last-minute gift ideas that are never cheap.
95. The sight of you in your socks and underwear is the biggest turnoff in the world.
oh yeah, and gals wearing plain old white underwear and granny panties isn't?
94. Never trust a girl who has no girlfriends. She doesn’t get along with other women because she’s either bat-shit crazy or just plain mean.
plus it means she's got nobody to hang with giving you time to yourself or time with your boys. trust me on this one, being able to send her off with her friends will keep you both more happy.
93. Girls who say, “I love sports!” are lying. Girls who ask you what time the game is on, without specifying which game they’re talking about, are not.
eh..... i don't buy this one. my last 2 girlfriends both loved NASCAR. and specifying a game might mean they track more than one team/league/sport.
92. A random hookup is more likely to result in pregnancy, because a woman has more sex when she’s most fertile.
nice to know. so fellas, make sure you wrap it if you're banging a chick who's cheating on her boyfriend/husband. i know i did.
91. She still has all the love letters and cards from her past boyfriends.
aw how sweet. i guarantee they and I don't have a damn thing she sent.
90. Just started dating? Women want you to drive, even if it’s their car.
hey great. like i needed permission. unless it's in the shop i'm the one driving anyway and unless i trust you completely you ain't touching my baby. (the list of people i've let drive my car is VERY short)
89. A girl would prefer to get a $100 gift from Tiffany & Co. than a $500 gift from Fortunoff. Why? Because her friends will ask where she got it.
sorry but i have no clue what those places are. cheaper gift good.
88. “If I give you my number on Friday, Tuesday and Wednesday are your best bets to score a date. Monday is too desperate, Thursday is too late.”—Claire, 27
and never is "go fuck yourself honey, i don't jump thru hoops for any dame."
87. Your female coworkers are obsessed with the fact that on average they receive less pay than male counterparts—and the fact that they work less overtime and get pregnant is irrelevant to the discussion.
naturally. because facts and common sense just can't be used to argue with a woman. we accept it.
86. Laying a towel down over the wet spot is like putting your jacket over a mud puddle for her, you noble bastard.
fine whatever. just shut up already.
85. A recent study revealed that natural blondes could be extinct in 200 years, so unless she’s Norwegian, her towhead might be bottled.
a recent survey of a supermarket shows that bleach and hair-coloring are still sold and show no signs of going extinct. recent trends indicate women continue to be shallow and vain where their appearance in concerned. so long story short, who gives a fuck?
84. Sixteen percent of American men have been with a prostitute—scientific proof most women are decent in bed.
wrong. reality check will tell you that 90%-95% of men have. because while you may not pay in cash, you're going to pay. don't bullshit yourself guys, you're going to pay one way or another to get sex. the question is, do you want to pay in the form of time/money spent on dates..... time spent "getting to know her"..... etc..... on the CHANCE she might give it up. or just cut to the chase and get some guaranteed sex?
83. Women always want to believe what you’re saying is true.
HA HA HA HA HA!!!!! no wait.... let me catch my breath. *whew* HA HA HA HA!!!!!!
82. What do women really want in bed? More blankets. They get colder than men.
gotcha.
81. The threesome is not about you; it’s about the two girls. If you’re lucky enough to score one with your girlfriend, enjoy sex with the other one because there’s a good chance it’ll end the relationship.
relationships come and go, but a visit to the threefold kingdom is magical and wonderful. trust me, nothing can take that away from you.
80. If women have an excuse to take a pill, they’ll take it.
ok..... that was random.....
79. Never trust the woman who gives you the best blow job you’ve ever had.
translation: she didn't get mad skillz working the mic from the fruit and vegetable section. 37?
78. “I hate when my boyfriend is sweaty and tries to lie down on top of me or cuddle after I’ve come. Wait five minutes.”—Erin, 21
i'm calling bullshit on this one. back me up on this one guys, when we're done the deed our asses are asleep. sorry Erin, your boyfriend is a real closet case.
77. The average woman kisses 79 men before getting married.
in a row?
76. She hates your Xbox more than she lets on. Blow her off for some gaming and she’ll soon stop wasting time on a dork like you.
i hate her arts and crafts more than i complain about. keep it up and i'll blow you off for some gaming.
75. Women who are obsessed with their dogs also like to keep their men on a short leash.
yet another reason i'm a cat person.
74. “Girls who buy their men lap dances and pretend to enjoy it are kidding themselves. They’re trying to keep him happy with some controlled freedom.”—Suzy, 31
they're also gullible as fucking hell. you think YOU'RE the only one buying his lap dances? you think he only goes to the strip club with YOU? silly girl.
73. Over the course of her life, a woman will use 10 men for every one she loves. If you lent her your car or helped her move and didn't get laid, you're one of the 10.
suckers. ah who am i kidding, i've been played like a fucking piano more than once or twice without a payoff for my troubles. i really wanted to tap those asses too. damn you hormones!!!!
72. During emergencies, women are likely to remain calmer than men. Though it should be noted that inventing minor crises on a weekly basis gives them more practice.
have you ever BEEN in an emergency??
71. “Women grow hairs in a lot of the same places that men do—lower abdomen, nipples—we just get rid of them.”—Katie, 26
that's just gross. i'm not ashamed to admit i'm pretty shallow when it comes to hair. i see it on her lip or anywhere besides the top of her head or downstairs (even then it better be short supply down there) and i'm gone. call me whatever you like.
70. Unless they’re lesbians, she won’t approve of your hanging out with other girls. Even if they’re ugly. And, really, even if they’re lesbians.
and really she's insecure and will probably push her man into banging as many of them as he can just for pissing him off.
69. If you have something to hide, she’ll find it.
the hell she will. you'll never be privy to all our secrets ladies. get over it. it's ok that we don't share every fuckin aspect of our lives with you.
68. Eighty-five: The number of males per 100 females in Gary, Indiana, lowest male-to-female ratio of any city with a population of 100,000-plus. The highest male-to-female ratio is in Salinas, California: 114 males for every 100 females.
ITT Tech in San Antonio: 10 females for every 100 males. of those, 4 are bangable.
67. Kiss her before two dates have gone by or you’ll be “friended.”
bang her before 3 dates or you'll be whipped as a puppy when she finally gives it up.
66. They can't live without tension. Every once in a while she's gonna pick a fight with you for no reason. Accept this as a running, inevitable theme and your relationship will make a lot more sense.
gentlemen pay attention: this will happen ONLY IF YOU LET IT!!!! fuck her and her drama. if she picks a fight and you know she's just doing it to fight, then you counter by throwing everything you possibly can at her. she's launching an attack and expecting you to roll over so she can placate her fucking female ego. you respond with the wrath of god. then when it's all done and the smoke clears, you pick a random fight with her as soon as it's done. fight back guys or she'll always have your balls in her purse.
65. The most painless way to end an argument: Let her win.
then return to the ocean like the spineless jellyfish you've become you pansy. fight back and be a man.
64. An online dating service’s survey found that a woman’s ideal man has brown hair and blue eyes.
how nice for them.
63. In the U.S., 21 percent of women ages 18 to 59 hold out for their honeymoon.
in the U.S., 21 percent of women are fucking lairs. or are convinced oral doesn't count.
62. A British study claims a woman’s chances of getting married drop by 40 percent for every 16-point rise in her IQ. The same increase in IQ for a man boosted his chances of getting married by 35 percent.
that makes no sense. how the hell do you even measure something like that?
61. When a woman tells you her problems, she does not want you to offer solutions.
when a man offers you solutions, he does not want to hear your problems.
60. Women often cite manhandling of breasts as the biggest foreplay faux pas.
too bad. those things are neat. c'mon ladies we don't ask much, just let us pet the kittens and we're all right.
59. “When I’m drunk, I can’t come. Not even with a vibrator.”—Lauren, 35
that ain't our problem. we're going to get ours. sorry honey.
58. If they're going to do it, most wives cheat between the ages of 18 and 29.
hmmm.... yup, yup, yup and yup. i agree.
57. Most women think they’re better drivers than they are. Don’t point this out while she’s at the wheel or she’ll freak and crash.
how comforting.
56. Women ingest about half the lipstick they apply, which means they eat approximately one to three sticks per year.
ewwwww....
54. A woman might say she just wants sex, but sleep with her for a while and she’ll change her tune. “I’ve known so many women who think they can pull this off, but they always develop feelings for the guy,” says Evie, 22.
suckers.
53. According to the American Association of Facial Plastic and Reconstructive Surgery, Angelina Jolie’s lips were the most requested celebrity feature among all female patients in 2004.
the most requested among guys as well.
52. Despite always complimenting another woman’s short haircut, she secretly celebrates having one less competitor, since men prefer long hair.
agreed. funny thing is, the 2 girls i was most in love with both had really short hair when we first hooked up. i gotta stay away from short haired chicks.
51. Don’t call her “cute.” In her mind it’s the same as “not vomit-inducing.” “Sexy,” OK. “Hot,” yes. “Fucking awesome,” only if she’s at least slightly buzzed.
geez, sorry miss sensitive.
50. Women often buy shoes a size or two small because they’re in denial about the size of their feet—which they can’t stand.
cry me a freaking river.
49. They dream of one day peeing in a urinal.
ain't happening, sorry gals.
48. Women know where they stand looks-wise but worry about being considered cool, about which they’re unsure.
welcome to fragile-self-image-ville.... population.... all the women on the planet.
47. According to the U.S. Bureau of Statistics, 23 percent of 18- to 34-year-old women live with their parents, versus 31 percent of you losers.
ok let's get something straight. a fact that chicks don't like to acknowledge. careers at this point are still an OPTION for women. with a few exceptions you all always have the option of getting married and living off a guy for the rest of your life. don't get me wrong, my best friends wives are stay at home moms and i love them both like sisters, i'm not saying it's a bad thing. i'm just saying that it's fucked up that society makes no judgements on women who either live with their parents or are married and stay home versus a guy who lives with his parents.
46. Women want to talk dirty, but they’re afraid you won’t respect them in the morning. Reassure her that letting go in bed doesn’t make her less classy and she’ll probably go wild. Jäger helps.
well of COURSE i'll still respect you after you call me daddy and tell me to spank you like the filthy girl you are..... *snicker*
45. Twenty-three percent of this magazine’s readers are women.
great gals all of them.
44. A psycho jealous girl will do anything to keep her man—including anal.
god bless those girls too.
41. If she suddenly cuts her hair short, it might mean she no longer cares what you think of her. But that doesn’t mean she doesn’t care about someone else’s opinion.
and you girls wonder why guys are so apathetic about what the hell you wear or your hair and shit.
40. About half of all brides will lose a good friend over a ridiculous bridesmaid squabble.
pathetic.
39. It never hurts to say you're sorry, even if you don't mean it.
it hurts even less to not say anything.
38. Let her beat you at something once in a while—poker, chess, Ping-Pong—and she’ll be more likely to give you what you want, like some peace and quiet.
so once again we're supposed to accept being bullied into flushing our pride down the john. yeah i'm going to go with FUCK THAT.
37. Women’s public bathrooms are about three times more disgusting than men’s.
there's a reason why..... keep reading.....
36. “At one point or another, I’ve gone through your things looking for any evidence from past relationships. I’m talking photographs, postcards, mementos, address books, diaries. If you don’t like it, get rid of this stuff before letting me in your apartment. It’s not about trust; it’s about curiosity, and it drives us crazy till it’s been satiated.”—Caroline, 28
so once again your crazy bat-shit behavior is all MY fault. nice.
35. Like you, girls hate nothing more than a clingy partner who needs them every eight seconds.
then don't date closet gay men.
34. Chick rock strikes a deeply primal chord inside women while simultaneously revolting men. Just sit back and let her sing the Sarah McLachlan or Ani DiFranco song. It’s only about four minutes long.
or give her some fucking headphones. fuck your music.
33. The average woman owns eight bras and wears each one five times before washing. Shasta!
are you trying to gross us out? we're GUYS. we do shit like turning our underwear inside-out to get another day's use out of them.
32. Girls will not sit on any toilet outside their own home or a five-star hotel. Everywhere else they’re hovering above the toilet in a squat.
does #37 make sense now?
31. Got a new girl coming over? Your (tidy) bathroom should include clean linen, a box of Puffs Plus, and several full rolls of TP.
puffs plus? should we get some tampons too?
30. “Don’t caress our faces while we’re kissing, unless you really, really, really like us.”—Rachel, 21
uh, ok.
29. On a first date, women never order what they really want to eat.
just eat what you order then. we honestly care more about that than how MUCH you eat.
28. Breast augmentation surgery has grown by 257 percent since 1997. The most popular size? C-cup. As if you didn’t know.
didn't know, don't care. real or fake make shit difference to me and to most guys so don't try and pull that "we're doing it for YOU" shit.
27. Gain her trust when you’re out by calling her at 10 P.M. She’ll go to bed content you’re thinking of her, even if you’re slurping Jell-O shots off some skank’s cleavage.
yeah right. how stupid do you think we are?
26. Put down the Drakkar and grab a box of Good & Plenty. Women are turned on by the scent of black licorice.
look honey, i rubbed CANDY all over myself!!!! giggity giggity giggity!!!!
25. At least one of her friends wants to sleep with you.
point her out and we'll make that lucky gal's dreams come true. bow chicka bow wow!!!!
24. A good but flawed man is a fixer-upper gem, and women love nothing more than home improvements.
and on the off chance you aren't that flawed, she'll find something to change in you. if you let her.
23. Every woman is self-conscious about her ass. Tell her you love her ass and you’ll see it more often.
does spanking it a lot work?
22. If you want more sex, tell your girl an attractive woman hit on you that day. Sixty percent of the time, it works every time.
failing that, break out the sex panther. i gotta tell ya, that smells like pure gasoline.
21. More than half of surveyed females between 18 and 25 would prefer to be run over by a truck than be fat.
the other half broke the truck and ended up fat.
20. All women think they’re smarter than their partners in some significant way.
hee hee. silly girls.
19. The more piercings she has, the more places she’ll let you put it.
so according to this list, find a girl who's scared stiff of losing you and with tons of piercings and you're on the road to back-door-loving.
18. Once in a while, let her pick the movie and don't complain about it.
nah.
17. Any good woman will tell ya, honesty is not always the best policy.
till she catches you in a lie. then suddenly she can't trust you.... blah blah blah.....
16. Chicks aren’t afraid to get kinky; you just have to have the nerve to ask.
but remember, like Chris Rock says, your woman will do any nasty dirty skanky thing you want but you gotta come correct. none of this, "eh eh eh excuse me..... eh eh.... i have a request... eh eh eh.... would you eh... lick my balls?" otherwise you get, "WHAT!?!? lick your own damn balls!!" so guys make sure you ask proper.
15. Girls don’t want to date doormats. So make her proud and refuse to give up bowling night with the guys.
so she can stay home eat ice cream and cry waiting for you while she sets up a few charges of emotional C4 that she'll detonate the second you get home. lose-lose fellas.
14. Don't take a woman to a concert you really want to see—she'll just want to leave early.
translate to jimmy-talk: ditch the bitch.
13. “Women appreciate a big penis, but having one doesn’t give you an excuse to suck at foreplay.”—Elena, 28
yeah? well guys love big tits, but having them doesn't give you an excuse to not give head.
12. Studies show women are more attracted to “macho” guys near ovulation. The rest of the month, they’re drawn to “good providers,” otherwise known as chumps.
so just leave it in "macho mode" take what you can get while she's ovulating, and the rest of the time you get to keep your fucking dignity.
11. She likes one of your friends.
if he's my friend then you don't have a chance in hell honey. if he isn't, he's a dead man. plain and simple. bros before hoes.
10. Ugly girls like to hang out with pretty girls because it makes them feel like they're more attractive. Pretty girls hang out with ugly girls for the same reason.
you're all the same when the lights go out.
9. The minute she decides she’s even mildly interested in you, she starts making mental pictures of what your kids would look like and imagining her first name with your last.
gee, why are guys so afraid of commitment?
8. Sixty percent of women in the United States color their hair, according to L’Oréal (who are obviously hoping they can peer-pressure the other 40 percent).
popular color? i'm betting blonde.
7. Dated a stripper? Keep your mouth shut, stupid.
duh.
6. Rub a sheet of medium-grade sandpaper across your face. That’s your five o’clock shadow when you kiss her. Now rub that sandpaper on your inner thigh. (Mind you, we’re not suggesting you shave.)
we know, we just like giving you something legit to bitch about once in a while.
5. Female serial killers tend to use poison rather than guns or knives.
comforting.
4. Foghat’s “Slow Ride” is not about a trip in the car. Get the hint?
Nine Inch Nail's "Closer" isn't about a trip to the zoo. get the hint?
3. The one breakup line she’ll never be able to argue you out of: “I’m sorry, but I no longer have feelings for you.”
yeah right.
2. Buying a present for your girl? She’ll hate it (and you) if she finds out you took along another woman to help pick it out.
excuuuuuse us for asking for advice from someone who might know what to get you.
1. You'll probably never know how many guys she's slept with. The standard lie is five. Which really means about 12.
once again, we don't care. as long as we're the only ones you're sleeping with NOW.
i found this on maxim.com
100 things guys need to know about women. time to add jimmy comments to it to spice it up.
100 list in italics, my comments in bold.
100. Girls enjoy always having something kind of wrong, like a headache or cramping or something. Remember: No matter how bad it sounds, she’s going to outlive you.
yeah, that's cuz they use underhanded tactics like playing sick in order to suck the life out of us.
99. Most women will not have sex for the first time with a guy unless their legs are shaved. If your date shows up and you spot stubble, she’s trying to keep herself in line.
if i can SPOT stubble then that shit must be thick as hell. which means she skipped more than a couple days.
98. No matter how much she reassures you, if you can’t get a hard-on she assumes you’re not attracted to her.
then maybe she needs to use her mouth for something other than "reassurance" to get things going.
97. Beware of your girlfriend's single party friend or gay bud. They want her to be single with them and will encourage any bad behavior as often as possible.
this is where preemptive strikes come into play.
96. Jewelry. Now you always know what to get her for a last-minute gift.
great, last-minute gift ideas that are never cheap.
95. The sight of you in your socks and underwear is the biggest turnoff in the world.
oh yeah, and gals wearing plain old white underwear and granny panties isn't?
94. Never trust a girl who has no girlfriends. She doesn’t get along with other women because she’s either bat-shit crazy or just plain mean.
plus it means she's got nobody to hang with giving you time to yourself or time with your boys. trust me on this one, being able to send her off with her friends will keep you both more happy.
93. Girls who say, “I love sports!” are lying. Girls who ask you what time the game is on, without specifying which game they’re talking about, are not.
eh..... i don't buy this one. my last 2 girlfriends both loved NASCAR. and specifying a game might mean they track more than one team/league/sport.
92. A random hookup is more likely to result in pregnancy, because a woman has more sex when she’s most fertile.
nice to know. so fellas, make sure you wrap it if you're banging a chick who's cheating on her boyfriend/husband. i know i did.
91. She still has all the love letters and cards from her past boyfriends.
aw how sweet. i guarantee they and I don't have a damn thing she sent.
90. Just started dating? Women want you to drive, even if it’s their car.
hey great. like i needed permission. unless it's in the shop i'm the one driving anyway and unless i trust you completely you ain't touching my baby. (the list of people i've let drive my car is VERY short)
89. A girl would prefer to get a $100 gift from Tiffany & Co. than a $500 gift from Fortunoff. Why? Because her friends will ask where she got it.
sorry but i have no clue what those places are. cheaper gift good.
88. “If I give you my number on Friday, Tuesday and Wednesday are your best bets to score a date. Monday is too desperate, Thursday is too late.”—Claire, 27
and never is "go fuck yourself honey, i don't jump thru hoops for any dame."
87. Your female coworkers are obsessed with the fact that on average they receive less pay than male counterparts—and the fact that they work less overtime and get pregnant is irrelevant to the discussion.
naturally. because facts and common sense just can't be used to argue with a woman. we accept it.
86. Laying a towel down over the wet spot is like putting your jacket over a mud puddle for her, you noble bastard.
fine whatever. just shut up already.
85. A recent study revealed that natural blondes could be extinct in 200 years, so unless she’s Norwegian, her towhead might be bottled.
a recent survey of a supermarket shows that bleach and hair-coloring are still sold and show no signs of going extinct. recent trends indicate women continue to be shallow and vain where their appearance in concerned. so long story short, who gives a fuck?
84. Sixteen percent of American men have been with a prostitute—scientific proof most women are decent in bed.
wrong. reality check will tell you that 90%-95% of men have. because while you may not pay in cash, you're going to pay. don't bullshit yourself guys, you're going to pay one way or another to get sex. the question is, do you want to pay in the form of time/money spent on dates..... time spent "getting to know her"..... etc..... on the CHANCE she might give it up. or just cut to the chase and get some guaranteed sex?
83. Women always want to believe what you’re saying is true.
HA HA HA HA HA!!!!! no wait.... let me catch my breath. *whew* HA HA HA HA!!!!!!
82. What do women really want in bed? More blankets. They get colder than men.
gotcha.
81. The threesome is not about you; it’s about the two girls. If you’re lucky enough to score one with your girlfriend, enjoy sex with the other one because there’s a good chance it’ll end the relationship.
relationships come and go, but a visit to the threefold kingdom is magical and wonderful. trust me, nothing can take that away from you.
80. If women have an excuse to take a pill, they’ll take it.
ok..... that was random.....
79. Never trust the woman who gives you the best blow job you’ve ever had.
translation: she didn't get mad skillz working the mic from the fruit and vegetable section. 37?
78. “I hate when my boyfriend is sweaty and tries to lie down on top of me or cuddle after I’ve come. Wait five minutes.”—Erin, 21
i'm calling bullshit on this one. back me up on this one guys, when we're done the deed our asses are asleep. sorry Erin, your boyfriend is a real closet case.
77. The average woman kisses 79 men before getting married.
in a row?
76. She hates your Xbox more than she lets on. Blow her off for some gaming and she’ll soon stop wasting time on a dork like you.
i hate her arts and crafts more than i complain about. keep it up and i'll blow you off for some gaming.
75. Women who are obsessed with their dogs also like to keep their men on a short leash.
yet another reason i'm a cat person.
74. “Girls who buy their men lap dances and pretend to enjoy it are kidding themselves. They’re trying to keep him happy with some controlled freedom.”—Suzy, 31
they're also gullible as fucking hell. you think YOU'RE the only one buying his lap dances? you think he only goes to the strip club with YOU? silly girl.
73. Over the course of her life, a woman will use 10 men for every one she loves. If you lent her your car or helped her move and didn't get laid, you're one of the 10.
suckers. ah who am i kidding, i've been played like a fucking piano more than once or twice without a payoff for my troubles. i really wanted to tap those asses too. damn you hormones!!!!
72. During emergencies, women are likely to remain calmer than men. Though it should be noted that inventing minor crises on a weekly basis gives them more practice.
have you ever BEEN in an emergency??
71. “Women grow hairs in a lot of the same places that men do—lower abdomen, nipples—we just get rid of them.”—Katie, 26
that's just gross. i'm not ashamed to admit i'm pretty shallow when it comes to hair. i see it on her lip or anywhere besides the top of her head or downstairs (even then it better be short supply down there) and i'm gone. call me whatever you like.
70. Unless they’re lesbians, she won’t approve of your hanging out with other girls. Even if they’re ugly. And, really, even if they’re lesbians.
and really she's insecure and will probably push her man into banging as many of them as he can just for pissing him off.
69. If you have something to hide, she’ll find it.
the hell she will. you'll never be privy to all our secrets ladies. get over it. it's ok that we don't share every fuckin aspect of our lives with you.
68. Eighty-five: The number of males per 100 females in Gary, Indiana, lowest male-to-female ratio of any city with a population of 100,000-plus. The highest male-to-female ratio is in Salinas, California: 114 males for every 100 females.
ITT Tech in San Antonio: 10 females for every 100 males. of those, 4 are bangable.
67. Kiss her before two dates have gone by or you’ll be “friended.”
bang her before 3 dates or you'll be whipped as a puppy when she finally gives it up.
66. They can't live without tension. Every once in a while she's gonna pick a fight with you for no reason. Accept this as a running, inevitable theme and your relationship will make a lot more sense.
gentlemen pay attention: this will happen ONLY IF YOU LET IT!!!! fuck her and her drama. if she picks a fight and you know she's just doing it to fight, then you counter by throwing everything you possibly can at her. she's launching an attack and expecting you to roll over so she can placate her fucking female ego. you respond with the wrath of god. then when it's all done and the smoke clears, you pick a random fight with her as soon as it's done. fight back guys or she'll always have your balls in her purse.
65. The most painless way to end an argument: Let her win.
then return to the ocean like the spineless jellyfish you've become you pansy. fight back and be a man.
64. An online dating service’s survey found that a woman’s ideal man has brown hair and blue eyes.
how nice for them.
63. In the U.S., 21 percent of women ages 18 to 59 hold out for their honeymoon.
in the U.S., 21 percent of women are fucking lairs. or are convinced oral doesn't count.
62. A British study claims a woman’s chances of getting married drop by 40 percent for every 16-point rise in her IQ. The same increase in IQ for a man boosted his chances of getting married by 35 percent.
that makes no sense. how the hell do you even measure something like that?
61. When a woman tells you her problems, she does not want you to offer solutions.
when a man offers you solutions, he does not want to hear your problems.
60. Women often cite manhandling of breasts as the biggest foreplay faux pas.
too bad. those things are neat. c'mon ladies we don't ask much, just let us pet the kittens and we're all right.
59. “When I’m drunk, I can’t come. Not even with a vibrator.”—Lauren, 35
that ain't our problem. we're going to get ours. sorry honey.
58. If they're going to do it, most wives cheat between the ages of 18 and 29.
hmmm.... yup, yup, yup and yup. i agree.
57. Most women think they’re better drivers than they are. Don’t point this out while she’s at the wheel or she’ll freak and crash.
how comforting.
56. Women ingest about half the lipstick they apply, which means they eat approximately one to three sticks per year.
ewwwww....
54. A woman might say she just wants sex, but sleep with her for a while and she’ll change her tune. “I’ve known so many women who think they can pull this off, but they always develop feelings for the guy,” says Evie, 22.
suckers.
53. According to the American Association of Facial Plastic and Reconstructive Surgery, Angelina Jolie’s lips were the most requested celebrity feature among all female patients in 2004.
the most requested among guys as well.
52. Despite always complimenting another woman’s short haircut, she secretly celebrates having one less competitor, since men prefer long hair.
agreed. funny thing is, the 2 girls i was most in love with both had really short hair when we first hooked up. i gotta stay away from short haired chicks.
51. Don’t call her “cute.” In her mind it’s the same as “not vomit-inducing.” “Sexy,” OK. “Hot,” yes. “Fucking awesome,” only if she’s at least slightly buzzed.
geez, sorry miss sensitive.
50. Women often buy shoes a size or two small because they’re in denial about the size of their feet—which they can’t stand.
cry me a freaking river.
49. They dream of one day peeing in a urinal.
ain't happening, sorry gals.
48. Women know where they stand looks-wise but worry about being considered cool, about which they’re unsure.
welcome to fragile-self-image-ville.... population.... all the women on the planet.
47. According to the U.S. Bureau of Statistics, 23 percent of 18- to 34-year-old women live with their parents, versus 31 percent of you losers.
ok let's get something straight. a fact that chicks don't like to acknowledge. careers at this point are still an OPTION for women. with a few exceptions you all always have the option of getting married and living off a guy for the rest of your life. don't get me wrong, my best friends wives are stay at home moms and i love them both like sisters, i'm not saying it's a bad thing. i'm just saying that it's fucked up that society makes no judgements on women who either live with their parents or are married and stay home versus a guy who lives with his parents.
46. Women want to talk dirty, but they’re afraid you won’t respect them in the morning. Reassure her that letting go in bed doesn’t make her less classy and she’ll probably go wild. Jäger helps.
well of COURSE i'll still respect you after you call me daddy and tell me to spank you like the filthy girl you are..... *snicker*
45. Twenty-three percent of this magazine’s readers are women.
great gals all of them.
44. A psycho jealous girl will do anything to keep her man—including anal.
god bless those girls too.
41. If she suddenly cuts her hair short, it might mean she no longer cares what you think of her. But that doesn’t mean she doesn’t care about someone else’s opinion.
and you girls wonder why guys are so apathetic about what the hell you wear or your hair and shit.
40. About half of all brides will lose a good friend over a ridiculous bridesmaid squabble.
pathetic.
39. It never hurts to say you're sorry, even if you don't mean it.
it hurts even less to not say anything.
38. Let her beat you at something once in a while—poker, chess, Ping-Pong—and she’ll be more likely to give you what you want, like some peace and quiet.
so once again we're supposed to accept being bullied into flushing our pride down the john. yeah i'm going to go with FUCK THAT.
37. Women’s public bathrooms are about three times more disgusting than men’s.
there's a reason why..... keep reading.....
36. “At one point or another, I’ve gone through your things looking for any evidence from past relationships. I’m talking photographs, postcards, mementos, address books, diaries. If you don’t like it, get rid of this stuff before letting me in your apartment. It’s not about trust; it’s about curiosity, and it drives us crazy till it’s been satiated.”—Caroline, 28
so once again your crazy bat-shit behavior is all MY fault. nice.
35. Like you, girls hate nothing more than a clingy partner who needs them every eight seconds.
then don't date closet gay men.
34. Chick rock strikes a deeply primal chord inside women while simultaneously revolting men. Just sit back and let her sing the Sarah McLachlan or Ani DiFranco song. It’s only about four minutes long.
or give her some fucking headphones. fuck your music.
33. The average woman owns eight bras and wears each one five times before washing. Shasta!
are you trying to gross us out? we're GUYS. we do shit like turning our underwear inside-out to get another day's use out of them.
32. Girls will not sit on any toilet outside their own home or a five-star hotel. Everywhere else they’re hovering above the toilet in a squat.
does #37 make sense now?
31. Got a new girl coming over? Your (tidy) bathroom should include clean linen, a box of Puffs Plus, and several full rolls of TP.
puffs plus? should we get some tampons too?
30. “Don’t caress our faces while we’re kissing, unless you really, really, really like us.”—Rachel, 21
uh, ok.
29. On a first date, women never order what they really want to eat.
just eat what you order then. we honestly care more about that than how MUCH you eat.
28. Breast augmentation surgery has grown by 257 percent since 1997. The most popular size? C-cup. As if you didn’t know.
didn't know, don't care. real or fake make shit difference to me and to most guys so don't try and pull that "we're doing it for YOU" shit.
27. Gain her trust when you’re out by calling her at 10 P.M. She’ll go to bed content you’re thinking of her, even if you’re slurping Jell-O shots off some skank’s cleavage.
yeah right. how stupid do you think we are?
26. Put down the Drakkar and grab a box of Good & Plenty. Women are turned on by the scent of black licorice.
look honey, i rubbed CANDY all over myself!!!! giggity giggity giggity!!!!
25. At least one of her friends wants to sleep with you.
point her out and we'll make that lucky gal's dreams come true. bow chicka bow wow!!!!
24. A good but flawed man is a fixer-upper gem, and women love nothing more than home improvements.
and on the off chance you aren't that flawed, she'll find something to change in you. if you let her.
23. Every woman is self-conscious about her ass. Tell her you love her ass and you’ll see it more often.
does spanking it a lot work?
22. If you want more sex, tell your girl an attractive woman hit on you that day. Sixty percent of the time, it works every time.
failing that, break out the sex panther. i gotta tell ya, that smells like pure gasoline.
21. More than half of surveyed females between 18 and 25 would prefer to be run over by a truck than be fat.
the other half broke the truck and ended up fat.
20. All women think they’re smarter than their partners in some significant way.
hee hee. silly girls.
19. The more piercings she has, the more places she’ll let you put it.
so according to this list, find a girl who's scared stiff of losing you and with tons of piercings and you're on the road to back-door-loving.
18. Once in a while, let her pick the movie and don't complain about it.
nah.
17. Any good woman will tell ya, honesty is not always the best policy.
till she catches you in a lie. then suddenly she can't trust you.... blah blah blah.....
16. Chicks aren’t afraid to get kinky; you just have to have the nerve to ask.
but remember, like Chris Rock says, your woman will do any nasty dirty skanky thing you want but you gotta come correct. none of this, "eh eh eh excuse me..... eh eh.... i have a request... eh eh eh.... would you eh... lick my balls?" otherwise you get, "WHAT!?!? lick your own damn balls!!" so guys make sure you ask proper.
15. Girls don’t want to date doormats. So make her proud and refuse to give up bowling night with the guys.
so she can stay home eat ice cream and cry waiting for you while she sets up a few charges of emotional C4 that she'll detonate the second you get home. lose-lose fellas.
14. Don't take a woman to a concert you really want to see—she'll just want to leave early.
translate to jimmy-talk: ditch the bitch.
13. “Women appreciate a big penis, but having one doesn’t give you an excuse to suck at foreplay.”—Elena, 28
yeah? well guys love big tits, but having them doesn't give you an excuse to not give head.
12. Studies show women are more attracted to “macho” guys near ovulation. The rest of the month, they’re drawn to “good providers,” otherwise known as chumps.
so just leave it in "macho mode" take what you can get while she's ovulating, and the rest of the time you get to keep your fucking dignity.
11. She likes one of your friends.
if he's my friend then you don't have a chance in hell honey. if he isn't, he's a dead man. plain and simple. bros before hoes.
10. Ugly girls like to hang out with pretty girls because it makes them feel like they're more attractive. Pretty girls hang out with ugly girls for the same reason.
you're all the same when the lights go out.
9. The minute she decides she’s even mildly interested in you, she starts making mental pictures of what your kids would look like and imagining her first name with your last.
gee, why are guys so afraid of commitment?
8. Sixty percent of women in the United States color their hair, according to L’Oréal (who are obviously hoping they can peer-pressure the other 40 percent).
popular color? i'm betting blonde.
7. Dated a stripper? Keep your mouth shut, stupid.
duh.
6. Rub a sheet of medium-grade sandpaper across your face. That’s your five o’clock shadow when you kiss her. Now rub that sandpaper on your inner thigh. (Mind you, we’re not suggesting you shave.)
we know, we just like giving you something legit to bitch about once in a while.
5. Female serial killers tend to use poison rather than guns or knives.
comforting.
4. Foghat’s “Slow Ride” is not about a trip in the car. Get the hint?
Nine Inch Nail's "Closer" isn't about a trip to the zoo. get the hint?
3. The one breakup line she’ll never be able to argue you out of: “I’m sorry, but I no longer have feelings for you.”
yeah right.
2. Buying a present for your girl? She’ll hate it (and you) if she finds out you took along another woman to help pick it out.
excuuuuuse us for asking for advice from someone who might know what to get you.
1. You'll probably never know how many guys she's slept with. The standard lie is five. Which really means about 12.
once again, we don't care. as long as we're the only ones you're sleeping with NOW.
Monday, February 04, 2008
Picture story
this is....
(a) very creative
(b) confusing as all hell
(c) awesome
(d) FUCKED UP
(e) all of the above
i pick "e"
(a) very creative
(b) confusing as all hell
(c) awesome
(d) FUCKED UP
(e) all of the above
i pick "e"
Friday, February 01, 2008
Firearms
Saw this online. I like it.
FIREARMS REFRESHER COURSE
'Those who hammer their guns into plows
will plow for those who do not.'
~ Thomas Jefferson
1. An armed man is a citizen. An unarmed man is a subject.
2. A gun in the hand is better than a cop on the phone.
3. Colt: The original point and click interface.
4. Gun control is not about guns; it's about control.
5. If guns are outlawed, can we use swords?
6. If guns cause crime, then pencils cause misspelled words.
7. Free men do not ask permission to bear arms.
8. If you don't know your rights, you don't have any.
9. Those who trade liberty for security have neither.
10. The United States Constitution (c)1791. All Rights Reserved.
11. What part of 'shall not be infringed' do you not understand?
12. The Second Amendment is in place in case the politicians ignore the others.
13. 64,999,987 firearms owners killed no one yesterday.
14. Guns only have two enemies; rust and politicians.
15. Know guns, know peace, know safety. No guns, no peace, no safety.
16. You don't shoot to kill; you shoot to stay alive.
17. 911: Government sponsored Dial-a-Prayer.
18. Assault is a behavior, not a device.
19. Criminals love gun control; it makes their jobs safer.
20. If guns cause crime, then matches cause arson.
21. Only a government that is afraid of its citizens tries to control them.
22. You have only the rights you are willing to fight for.
23. Enforce the gun control laws we ALREADY have; don't make more.
24. When you remove the people's right to bear arms, you create slaves.
25. The American Revolution would never have happened with gun control.
FIREARMS REFRESHER COURSE
'Those who hammer their guns into plows
will plow for those who do not.'
~ Thomas Jefferson
1. An armed man is a citizen. An unarmed man is a subject.
2. A gun in the hand is better than a cop on the phone.
3. Colt: The original point and click interface.
4. Gun control is not about guns; it's about control.
5. If guns are outlawed, can we use swords?
6. If guns cause crime, then pencils cause misspelled words.
7. Free men do not ask permission to bear arms.
8. If you don't know your rights, you don't have any.
9. Those who trade liberty for security have neither.
10. The United States Constitution (c)1791. All Rights Reserved.
11. What part of 'shall not be infringed' do you not understand?
12. The Second Amendment is in place in case the politicians ignore the others.
13. 64,999,987 firearms owners killed no one yesterday.
14. Guns only have two enemies; rust and politicians.
15. Know guns, know peace, know safety. No guns, no peace, no safety.
16. You don't shoot to kill; you shoot to stay alive.
17. 911: Government sponsored Dial-a-Prayer.
18. Assault is a behavior, not a device.
19. Criminals love gun control; it makes their jobs safer.
20. If guns cause crime, then matches cause arson.
21. Only a government that is afraid of its citizens tries to control them.
22. You have only the rights you are willing to fight for.
23. Enforce the gun control laws we ALREADY have; don't make more.
24. When you remove the people's right to bear arms, you create slaves.
25. The American Revolution would never have happened with gun control.
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Easy
Doucheville, USA. known as Berkeley, CA to the rest of you has decided to give the Marines the boot.
I got an easy solution to this problem. Pull the city's federal funding. All of it. They think they can do without the U.S. government then let's see the smug fucks do without the handouts.
UPDATE: Sen DeMint.... i salute you.
I got an easy solution to this problem. Pull the city's federal funding. All of it. They think they can do without the U.S. government then let's see the smug fucks do without the handouts.
UPDATE: Sen DeMint.... i salute you.
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Funny
ladies and gentlemen i present the funniest musical number in movie history. EVER. EEEEVVVVEEERRRRR.
Friday, January 18, 2008
RIP Bobby Fischer
The chess world mourns a great loss.
Bobby Fischer died at 64.
While i am saddened at the loss of a great chess player, I'm not that sorry that this guy is dead. He turned into a total nutjob.
Bobby Fischer died at 64.
While i am saddened at the loss of a great chess player, I'm not that sorry that this guy is dead. He turned into a total nutjob.
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Help
help me out here. i'm no lawyer, but last time i checked, this kind of thing happening is rape.
Monday, January 14, 2008
Real Life
i thought i'd plug something.
Greg Dean has launched a new book.
For those of you who don't know, Greg is the creator of a webcomic called Reallifecomic. He bases most of his stories on his life, hence the name. I've followed his work for quite a while and it's my favorite right up there with Penny Arcade. Anyway, about his new book. It's a notes book on his comic. It will get you up to speed on his comic.
Greg Dean has launched a new book.
For those of you who don't know, Greg is the creator of a webcomic called Reallifecomic. He bases most of his stories on his life, hence the name. I've followed his work for quite a while and it's my favorite right up there with Penny Arcade. Anyway, about his new book. It's a notes book on his comic. It will get you up to speed on his comic.
Friday, January 11, 2008
Peace
Who's ready to laugh?
Check this out and commence.
How some retard like Kuchinich got a smoking hot wife like her....
is beyond me.
Still, if we're going to elect based on the potential for first lady hotness.... Fred is the man. You can't tell me this gal for first lady isn't the coolest thought.
pics via here.
Check this out and commence.
How some retard like Kuchinich got a smoking hot wife like her....
is beyond me.
Still, if we're going to elect based on the potential for first lady hotness.... Fred is the man. You can't tell me this gal for first lady isn't the coolest thought.
pics via here.
Friday, January 04, 2008
overquoted movies
tonight's "tales of jackassery" we take you to a blog post by someone who decided he was going to tell us the 10 most obnoxiously overquoted movies.
ok, so here's my problems with the list.
1 - he didn't stay with 10. i mean jesus, his list had at #7 "anything with samuel l jackson". HUH? congrats retard, you just expanded the list from 10 to about 100. #4 was "the austin powers series". that's 3 you idiot. if the list is 10 then stay with 10.
2 - he didn't really take social crowds into consideration. maybe all HIS nimrod friends quote Napoleon Dynamite, but i'm afraid quoting it around my friends will get you a funny look and an ass-kicking.
3 - no history in context. monty python was the only movie older than 10 years. this jackass never heard "show me the money!!"???? i wanna poke people's eyes out when i hear that quoted and i've never even seen the movie (long story, i'll explain sometime why). maybe it's just some 10 year old kid blogging. come to think of it, given his amazing math skills, maybe he IS 10.
4 - the ancorman rant. he goes on some long-ass spiel about Will Farrell and when it comes time to list quotes.... half of them are Steve Carell lines. consistency there spanky. how about some consistency.
so anyways, just to show it isn't just all negative here in Rantville i'm going to help out by giving my own list. a list of movies that are fun to quote and people will never stop. unlike dumbass, i'm not going to set a number only to go over it by 100. so here's a list.
Movies We Love to Quote and Probably Won't Stop Any Time Soon
- anything by Mel Brooks. you can't go wrong quoting Mel movies. the man is a comedy god.
"hey where are the white women at?"
"we're not just doing this for money.....we're doing it for a SHITLOAD of money!!!"
"what in the wide wide world of sports is a going on here?!?!"
- the Naked Gun series. the 3rd one didn't quite live up to the hilarity of the other 2, but it was still great, and i like being able to see OJ on the TV and not say "oh god what has he done NOW?"
"nice beaver."
"Hey look! it's Enrico Pallazzo!!!"
"just think, the next time i shoot someone, i could be arrested."
"i've been swimming in raw sewage. i love it!"
- Monty Python and the Holy Grail. screw him, this movie never gets old. EVER.
"let's not bicker and argue about who killed who"
"have at you!!"
"she turned me into a newt!!"
- anything Arnold did prior to Twins. that isn't to say he hasn't done good movies since then, but after that he just never had quite the same.... i dunno. it just wasn't the same.
"crush your enemy, see him driven before you, and hear the lamentation of the women!!"
"go ahead bennett, let off some steam."
"you remember when i said i'd kill you last? i lied."
"i'll be back"
"Killian, here's your Subzero, now plain zero!!"
random tangent...... i was on imdb checking out Conan the Barbarian. check out the trivia section. this is cool.
- Conan's response to the Mongol General is an abbreviation of a real quote attributed to Gengis Khan: "The greatest pleasure is to vanquish your enemies and chase them before you, to rob them of their wealth and see those dear to them bathed in tears, to ride their horses and clasp to your bosom their wives and daughters."
- Arnold Schwarzenegger had to tone down his workout, as his arm/chest muscles were so big that he couldn't wield a sword properly.
- Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sandahl Bergman did their own stunts, as suitable body doubles couldn't be found.
- The life of Conan oddly mirrors that of Arnold Schwarzenegger. Conan's formative years are spent in a small village, then spent in hard manual labor as a slave. Then Conan gains fame and wealth through his physical prowess. Although at first given to wine and women, he eventually abandons his hedonism and uses his skills for acts of heroism. Eventually, Conan becomes a king. In real life, Schwarzenegger was born in a small Austrian village and spent his life bodybuilding. He then becomes famous and wealthy through bodybuilding competitions and action/adventure movies. Schwarzenegger engaged in drug use and womanizing in his past, but gave those up later in life and then campaigned for social causes. Eventually, he was elected Governor of California.
ok, so here's my problems with the list.
1 - he didn't stay with 10. i mean jesus, his list had at #7 "anything with samuel l jackson". HUH? congrats retard, you just expanded the list from 10 to about 100. #4 was "the austin powers series". that's 3 you idiot. if the list is 10 then stay with 10.
2 - he didn't really take social crowds into consideration. maybe all HIS nimrod friends quote Napoleon Dynamite, but i'm afraid quoting it around my friends will get you a funny look and an ass-kicking.
3 - no history in context. monty python was the only movie older than 10 years. this jackass never heard "show me the money!!"???? i wanna poke people's eyes out when i hear that quoted and i've never even seen the movie (long story, i'll explain sometime why). maybe it's just some 10 year old kid blogging. come to think of it, given his amazing math skills, maybe he IS 10.
4 - the ancorman rant. he goes on some long-ass spiel about Will Farrell and when it comes time to list quotes.... half of them are Steve Carell lines. consistency there spanky. how about some consistency.
so anyways, just to show it isn't just all negative here in Rantville i'm going to help out by giving my own list. a list of movies that are fun to quote and people will never stop. unlike dumbass, i'm not going to set a number only to go over it by 100. so here's a list.
Movies We Love to Quote and Probably Won't Stop Any Time Soon
- anything by Mel Brooks. you can't go wrong quoting Mel movies. the man is a comedy god.
"hey where are the white women at?"
"we're not just doing this for money.....we're doing it for a SHITLOAD of money!!!"
"what in the wide wide world of sports is a going on here?!?!"
- the Naked Gun series. the 3rd one didn't quite live up to the hilarity of the other 2, but it was still great, and i like being able to see OJ on the TV and not say "oh god what has he done NOW?"
"nice beaver."
"Hey look! it's Enrico Pallazzo!!!"
"just think, the next time i shoot someone, i could be arrested."
"i've been swimming in raw sewage. i love it!"
- Monty Python and the Holy Grail. screw him, this movie never gets old. EVER.
"let's not bicker and argue about who killed who"
"have at you!!"
"she turned me into a newt!!"
- anything Arnold did prior to Twins. that isn't to say he hasn't done good movies since then, but after that he just never had quite the same.... i dunno. it just wasn't the same.
"crush your enemy, see him driven before you, and hear the lamentation of the women!!"
"go ahead bennett, let off some steam."
"you remember when i said i'd kill you last? i lied."
"i'll be back"
"Killian, here's your Subzero, now plain zero!!"
random tangent...... i was on imdb checking out Conan the Barbarian. check out the trivia section. this is cool.
- Conan's response to the Mongol General is an abbreviation of a real quote attributed to Gengis Khan: "The greatest pleasure is to vanquish your enemies and chase them before you, to rob them of their wealth and see those dear to them bathed in tears, to ride their horses and clasp to your bosom their wives and daughters."
- Arnold Schwarzenegger had to tone down his workout, as his arm/chest muscles were so big that he couldn't wield a sword properly.
- Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sandahl Bergman did their own stunts, as suitable body doubles couldn't be found.
- The life of Conan oddly mirrors that of Arnold Schwarzenegger. Conan's formative years are spent in a small village, then spent in hard manual labor as a slave. Then Conan gains fame and wealth through his physical prowess. Although at first given to wine and women, he eventually abandons his hedonism and uses his skills for acts of heroism. Eventually, Conan becomes a king. In real life, Schwarzenegger was born in a small Austrian village and spent his life bodybuilding. He then becomes famous and wealthy through bodybuilding competitions and action/adventure movies. Schwarzenegger engaged in drug use and womanizing in his past, but gave those up later in life and then campaigned for social causes. Eventually, he was elected Governor of California.
Tuesday, January 01, 2008
50 things
menshealth.com has done a "50 things men wish women knew" list. i give the mayor jimmy treatment. my comments are in italics.
1. Express yourself. It makes us proud, even if someone thinks you're wrong.
yes yes dear god yes. this isn't the 50s. women can speak their minds. please do. i fucking hate when chicks sit there and let the conversation pass them by.
2. You look hot in running shoes and shorts. And that top thingy with the stripes.
oh yes. throw in the glistening sweat on your body and BAM!!!!
3. Bare, tan shoulders are underrated.
uh...ok? why tan?
4. If you think I’m speeding now, you should see me drive when you're not in the car.
fuck that. she gets my full throttle driving every damn time. that was the very first thing that sealed it that Kristin (K2) and i had a future together, my driving didn't scare her. not even when we were driving back from Chris's wedding and i raced some dude from the Maryland State line into Baltimore at 130 MPH.
5. If you're truly interested in us, don't play hard to get.
plain and simple, just don't play hard to get PERIOD. that shit is fucking annoying. yes ha ha very funny you like to feel needed. that shit will backfire on you honey. i promise. like when he fucks some other girl who doesn't play games and just gives up the ass.
6. Shopping is a chore, not an activity.
meh... that depends on what we shop FOR. i like shopping for electronics.
7. When I screw up, go ahead and tell me--once.
key word, once. then please just shut your pie hole.
8. No question need ever be asked through a closed bathroom door if I'm inside. I love you less with each syllable you utter.
can't a man take a shit in peace? this is why we fart in public. we're conditioning you to avoid us in bowel movement situations. we take our dumps seriously. grant us this peace.
9. I'm hot for you, not your sister or your friend or your coworker.
and if i am i will never tell you. ever. no matter how often you ask. and we aren't falling for that "you can say it i won't be mad" line. nice try.
10. My guy friends. Not only are they not negotiable, they’re your best sign that I’m not a whack job.
bros before hoes
11. Don't be afraid to ditch the makeup. Natural is sexier.
true. Kristen (K1) pretty much never wore makeup and she always looked great. it also makes it that much better when a girl does wear makeup if she isn't always wearing it.
12. Leave the eyebrows alone. Plucked ain't pretty.
unless you're sporting a unibrow.
13. You can have sex with us any time you want. Seriously.
no really. ANY time. i've had sex while watching a NASCAR race. ah Jennifer, she was a nice gal.
14. When the game is on, we will pay attention to you if you're nice about it. Bark, and we shut down.
add to the experience, don't try and detract. that's the key. cheer with us, be elsewhere, or just shut the fuck up. don't sit and bug us or ask a TON of questions DURING the game.
15. I don't ask for directions because I’m just happy to be driving. Anywhere.
and cuz i'm a man. geez haven't you ever listened to a stand-up comedian?
16. Masturbation is merely practice for the big game. Encourage it.
gotta disagree BIG time here. if i have a girlfriend i don't need to do it. and i'm happy to not have to need to.
17. We crave hugs and hand-holding too. And no, it doesn't always have to lead to sex.
but if it does..... GIGGITY!!!
18. But you can have sex with us any time you want. Did we mention that?
ANY time. Kristin (K2) and i once had sex in her closet while i was helping her pack to move in with me. that kind of spontaneous sexual outburst is awesome.
19. There's no better sound in the world than you, having an orgasm.
yeah. i've always said that 75% of the enjoyment of sex for guys (well, for ME at least) is the response we get from her. the moaning, the clawing, the squirming around, the yelling.... it's ALL good.
20. Though the exhaust note of a Porsche Boxster is pretty damn fine, too.
or if you don't like the eurotrash, A Vette or Viper. sweet.
21. I just may lie to make you feel good. Don’t be angry about this. You really weren't looking for the truth anyway.
YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!!!!!
22. When you get angry over some stupid little pointless thing, I question your intelligence.
and the more you do it, the easier it gets to just tune you out. sooner or later we're going to tunr you out no matter what you bitch about, even important things.
23. You’re really bad at faking it.
if i'm not doing something right then fucking tell me. unless of course you're going to tell me "make your cock grow bigger", then we're both out of luck.
24. If I offer my help while you're getting ready, it means you’re late.
it's either that or i start bugging you. pick your poison or get ready faster.
25. Never ask me to pick out your outfit. (See above.) I will invariably get it wrong and make us even more late.
i'm supposed to believe you don't know how to dress yourself? gimmie a fucking break.
26. Giving me two or three choices, however, can be fun. Assuming you will change outfits in front of me. Slowly.
of course, then we're going to be REALLY late.
27. Err on the side of hot; I love to show you off.
there's nothing wrong with that is there?
28. Unless we're meeting my parents.
i trust her to be smart enough not to get whored up to meet her boyfriend's parents.
29. When you call us at work "just to chat," we're not really listening; we're checking our e-mail.
bottom line, have a point to the call or don't.
30. Spring means baseball and skirts. Doesn't need to be a mini-skirt; it's been a long winter.
well, skirts anyway.
31. Chicks who drink beer are hot. Better yet: chicks who drink beer and watch the game. Better still: chicks who buy us a beer during the game.
shit, you do that and you're pretty much guaranteed to get that ring a HELL of a lot faster.
32. We don't mind being told we look good. Just don't call it a "cute outfit."
got an outfit you like us in? tell us.
33. We love ponytails.
second only to pigtails.
34. Being good in bed means a) enthusiasm; b) a sense of humor; and sometimes c) patience.
i dunno bout all that. maybe this guy isn't too sure of himself. enthusiasm isn't bad. i'd say the biggest key is communication. verbal or body language.
35. The first time? We're as nervous as you are.
i was more like "HOLY SHIT, I'M HAVING SEX!!!!!!" than anything. i'll never forget the next day at school. i might as well have hung a sign around my neck that said "i got laid". chris and cody both figured it out within like 15 seconds.
36. A random unexpected grope is always welcome, even in public. Especially in public.
hell yeah. touch me baby.
37. Make us laugh and we'll want to hang around.
cannot be overstated enough. boring girls SUCK.
38. Yes, I laugh really loud around the guys. And I always will, so deal.
so there
39. Sure, men stereotypically like to solve a woman's problems. But a woman who solves her own while we watch? Instant erection.
i'm not sure if he's suggesting she pleasure herself in front of us. or just literally solve her own problem instead of bugging us. either one is cool with me.
40. You can pick the movie, but have a reason.
oh no. fuck no. i'm not watching a chick flik. period. you have girls-nite-out for that shit.
41. Do not expect to have a conversation via text message unless you use the words "naked" and "waiting."
or like calling at work, have a point.
42. Sometimes we wonder why any woman would want to be with us, much less someone as amazing as you. So, thanks.
it's true. seriously, what the hell did you ever see in me? kristen? carrie? yolanda? kristin?
43. Anytime you cook for us, we're happy.
especially if it's meat.
44. If you can hit a golf ball 150 yards, we just might fall in love.
maybe this guy. not me. if you can drive a car at 150 MPH, then i'm in love.
45. No, I don't remember what he said next. Or she. Or anybody, for that matter. I'm a guy, not a tape recorder.
so STOP ASKING
46. We love you even more because you know we need to go out with the guys once in a while.
hint-fucking-hint
47. And we love it when you hang with us guys, too.
on occasion. don't push it.
48. We have a keen sense of imminent danger. It sounds like, "Do you think she's pretty?"
we got a bunch of sound clips that go off.
- admiral ackbar "it's a trap!!"
- captain picard "RED ALERT!!"
- that robot from lost in space "danger will robinson!!"
49. Don't rely on us for keeping you up on the news.
we're useless like that.
50. Never say, "I know you better than you know yourself." Nobody does.
unless you WANT me to say "the fuck you do honey."
and there's another list given the jimmy treatment.
1. Express yourself. It makes us proud, even if someone thinks you're wrong.
yes yes dear god yes. this isn't the 50s. women can speak their minds. please do. i fucking hate when chicks sit there and let the conversation pass them by.
2. You look hot in running shoes and shorts. And that top thingy with the stripes.
oh yes. throw in the glistening sweat on your body and BAM!!!!
3. Bare, tan shoulders are underrated.
uh...ok? why tan?
4. If you think I’m speeding now, you should see me drive when you're not in the car.
fuck that. she gets my full throttle driving every damn time. that was the very first thing that sealed it that Kristin (K2) and i had a future together, my driving didn't scare her. not even when we were driving back from Chris's wedding and i raced some dude from the Maryland State line into Baltimore at 130 MPH.
5. If you're truly interested in us, don't play hard to get.
plain and simple, just don't play hard to get PERIOD. that shit is fucking annoying. yes ha ha very funny you like to feel needed. that shit will backfire on you honey. i promise. like when he fucks some other girl who doesn't play games and just gives up the ass.
6. Shopping is a chore, not an activity.
meh... that depends on what we shop FOR. i like shopping for electronics.
7. When I screw up, go ahead and tell me--once.
key word, once. then please just shut your pie hole.
8. No question need ever be asked through a closed bathroom door if I'm inside. I love you less with each syllable you utter.
can't a man take a shit in peace? this is why we fart in public. we're conditioning you to avoid us in bowel movement situations. we take our dumps seriously. grant us this peace.
9. I'm hot for you, not your sister or your friend or your coworker.
and if i am i will never tell you. ever. no matter how often you ask. and we aren't falling for that "you can say it i won't be mad" line. nice try.
10. My guy friends. Not only are they not negotiable, they’re your best sign that I’m not a whack job.
bros before hoes
11. Don't be afraid to ditch the makeup. Natural is sexier.
true. Kristen (K1) pretty much never wore makeup and she always looked great. it also makes it that much better when a girl does wear makeup if she isn't always wearing it.
12. Leave the eyebrows alone. Plucked ain't pretty.
unless you're sporting a unibrow.
13. You can have sex with us any time you want. Seriously.
no really. ANY time. i've had sex while watching a NASCAR race. ah Jennifer, she was a nice gal.
14. When the game is on, we will pay attention to you if you're nice about it. Bark, and we shut down.
add to the experience, don't try and detract. that's the key. cheer with us, be elsewhere, or just shut the fuck up. don't sit and bug us or ask a TON of questions DURING the game.
15. I don't ask for directions because I’m just happy to be driving. Anywhere.
and cuz i'm a man. geez haven't you ever listened to a stand-up comedian?
16. Masturbation is merely practice for the big game. Encourage it.
gotta disagree BIG time here. if i have a girlfriend i don't need to do it. and i'm happy to not have to need to.
17. We crave hugs and hand-holding too. And no, it doesn't always have to lead to sex.
but if it does..... GIGGITY!!!
18. But you can have sex with us any time you want. Did we mention that?
ANY time. Kristin (K2) and i once had sex in her closet while i was helping her pack to move in with me. that kind of spontaneous sexual outburst is awesome.
19. There's no better sound in the world than you, having an orgasm.
yeah. i've always said that 75% of the enjoyment of sex for guys (well, for ME at least) is the response we get from her. the moaning, the clawing, the squirming around, the yelling.... it's ALL good.
20. Though the exhaust note of a Porsche Boxster is pretty damn fine, too.
or if you don't like the eurotrash, A Vette or Viper. sweet.
21. I just may lie to make you feel good. Don’t be angry about this. You really weren't looking for the truth anyway.
YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!!!!!
22. When you get angry over some stupid little pointless thing, I question your intelligence.
and the more you do it, the easier it gets to just tune you out. sooner or later we're going to tunr you out no matter what you bitch about, even important things.
23. You’re really bad at faking it.
if i'm not doing something right then fucking tell me. unless of course you're going to tell me "make your cock grow bigger", then we're both out of luck.
24. If I offer my help while you're getting ready, it means you’re late.
it's either that or i start bugging you. pick your poison or get ready faster.
25. Never ask me to pick out your outfit. (See above.) I will invariably get it wrong and make us even more late.
i'm supposed to believe you don't know how to dress yourself? gimmie a fucking break.
26. Giving me two or three choices, however, can be fun. Assuming you will change outfits in front of me. Slowly.
of course, then we're going to be REALLY late.
27. Err on the side of hot; I love to show you off.
there's nothing wrong with that is there?
28. Unless we're meeting my parents.
i trust her to be smart enough not to get whored up to meet her boyfriend's parents.
29. When you call us at work "just to chat," we're not really listening; we're checking our e-mail.
bottom line, have a point to the call or don't.
30. Spring means baseball and skirts. Doesn't need to be a mini-skirt; it's been a long winter.
well, skirts anyway.
31. Chicks who drink beer are hot. Better yet: chicks who drink beer and watch the game. Better still: chicks who buy us a beer during the game.
shit, you do that and you're pretty much guaranteed to get that ring a HELL of a lot faster.
32. We don't mind being told we look good. Just don't call it a "cute outfit."
got an outfit you like us in? tell us.
33. We love ponytails.
second only to pigtails.
34. Being good in bed means a) enthusiasm; b) a sense of humor; and sometimes c) patience.
i dunno bout all that. maybe this guy isn't too sure of himself. enthusiasm isn't bad. i'd say the biggest key is communication. verbal or body language.
35. The first time? We're as nervous as you are.
i was more like "HOLY SHIT, I'M HAVING SEX!!!!!!" than anything. i'll never forget the next day at school. i might as well have hung a sign around my neck that said "i got laid". chris and cody both figured it out within like 15 seconds.
36. A random unexpected grope is always welcome, even in public. Especially in public.
hell yeah. touch me baby.
37. Make us laugh and we'll want to hang around.
cannot be overstated enough. boring girls SUCK.
38. Yes, I laugh really loud around the guys. And I always will, so deal.
so there
39. Sure, men stereotypically like to solve a woman's problems. But a woman who solves her own while we watch? Instant erection.
i'm not sure if he's suggesting she pleasure herself in front of us. or just literally solve her own problem instead of bugging us. either one is cool with me.
40. You can pick the movie, but have a reason.
oh no. fuck no. i'm not watching a chick flik. period. you have girls-nite-out for that shit.
41. Do not expect to have a conversation via text message unless you use the words "naked" and "waiting."
or like calling at work, have a point.
42. Sometimes we wonder why any woman would want to be with us, much less someone as amazing as you. So, thanks.
it's true. seriously, what the hell did you ever see in me? kristen? carrie? yolanda? kristin?
43. Anytime you cook for us, we're happy.
especially if it's meat.
44. If you can hit a golf ball 150 yards, we just might fall in love.
maybe this guy. not me. if you can drive a car at 150 MPH, then i'm in love.
45. No, I don't remember what he said next. Or she. Or anybody, for that matter. I'm a guy, not a tape recorder.
so STOP ASKING
46. We love you even more because you know we need to go out with the guys once in a while.
hint-fucking-hint
47. And we love it when you hang with us guys, too.
on occasion. don't push it.
48. We have a keen sense of imminent danger. It sounds like, "Do you think she's pretty?"
we got a bunch of sound clips that go off.
- admiral ackbar "it's a trap!!"
- captain picard "RED ALERT!!"
- that robot from lost in space "danger will robinson!!"
49. Don't rely on us for keeping you up on the news.
we're useless like that.
50. Never say, "I know you better than you know yourself." Nobody does.
unless you WANT me to say "the fuck you do honey."
and there's another list given the jimmy treatment.
Monday, December 31, 2007
Snowplow
Those wacky Japanese. now they've made a robot snowplow that scoops up snow in front, and poops out snow-bricks in back.
check it out
check it out
Sunday, December 30, 2007
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
Saved movies
11 movies made BETTER due to historical inaccuracy.
#5 - read the "why it would have sucked otherwise". i agree 1000%
#5 - read the "why it would have sucked otherwise". i agree 1000%
Friday, December 21, 2007
Confidence
my sister and i were watching a rerun of "so you think you can dance" earlier today. it got me thinking about confidence. see, there's different kinds of being confident.
- repeaters confidence. this is the person talking over and over about how confident they are. "you can do this, you can do this....." this is a scared bastard who's barely hanging on. fucking with this person is not only easy, but fun.
- confidence by proxy. mostly a team thing. you got one or two guys who are good to go and the other guys are counting on them to stay strong. this backfires though when the keystone guys get taken out. like if Kobe went down in a game. you can't tell me the rest of the Lakers wouldn't all want to just go back to the locker room and cry.
- straight denial. this is the confidence you see mostly on fat chicks. you know the ones. "i look GOOD...." no honey you don't. you're fat as hell and the guys only pay attention because you put out and you give good head. come to think of it, it's pretty much only chicks who have this kind of confidence.
- OVERconfidence. this is kinda like denial but mostly found on guys. you know, like the guys who are screaming at nobody. "ALL RIGHT LET'S DO THIS!!!! I AM GOING TO FUCKING ROCK THIS SHIT!!!! WOO!!!!!! YEAH BABY!!!!!" just stay the hell away from these guys and have a camera ready.
- gang leader. this is being confident because you got people backing you up. pretty much any pussy in a gang. he's all mouth and shit talk because he's got his boys backing him up. get this guy alone and he's a little bitch. pathetic.
- false confidence. this is the kind you see in movie stars and celebs. they have people kissing their asses nonstop so pretty soon they figure nothing they do is wrong. honestly, i don't blame them for it. any damn one of us would act the same way if we had people reacting to us the way people react towards celebs now. you're full of shit if you think you wouldn't.
- genuine confidence. this one is easy to spot. it's the person who isn't saying anything. someone who is sure of them self doesn't need to flaunt it.
- repeaters confidence. this is the person talking over and over about how confident they are. "you can do this, you can do this....." this is a scared bastard who's barely hanging on. fucking with this person is not only easy, but fun.
- confidence by proxy. mostly a team thing. you got one or two guys who are good to go and the other guys are counting on them to stay strong. this backfires though when the keystone guys get taken out. like if Kobe went down in a game. you can't tell me the rest of the Lakers wouldn't all want to just go back to the locker room and cry.
- straight denial. this is the confidence you see mostly on fat chicks. you know the ones. "i look GOOD...." no honey you don't. you're fat as hell and the guys only pay attention because you put out and you give good head. come to think of it, it's pretty much only chicks who have this kind of confidence.
- OVERconfidence. this is kinda like denial but mostly found on guys. you know, like the guys who are screaming at nobody. "ALL RIGHT LET'S DO THIS!!!! I AM GOING TO FUCKING ROCK THIS SHIT!!!! WOO!!!!!! YEAH BABY!!!!!" just stay the hell away from these guys and have a camera ready.
- gang leader. this is being confident because you got people backing you up. pretty much any pussy in a gang. he's all mouth and shit talk because he's got his boys backing him up. get this guy alone and he's a little bitch. pathetic.
- false confidence. this is the kind you see in movie stars and celebs. they have people kissing their asses nonstop so pretty soon they figure nothing they do is wrong. honestly, i don't blame them for it. any damn one of us would act the same way if we had people reacting to us the way people react towards celebs now. you're full of shit if you think you wouldn't.
- genuine confidence. this one is easy to spot. it's the person who isn't saying anything. someone who is sure of them self doesn't need to flaunt it.
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
2008 in movies
2008 should be box office gold.
what I'm looking forward to most?
- Rambo (the trailers are great, and Stallone did a damn good job bringing Rocky back)
- Iron Man (seriously though, who ISN'T looking forward to this one? you suck if you aren't)
- Speed Racer (it's either going to be really really good or suck something fierce.)
- Semi-Pro (i think will farrell is going to be doing every sport. i look forward to his chess movie.)
- The Dark Knight (will Ledger do Joker justice? early reports seem to say YES.)
what I'm looking forward to most?
- Rambo (the trailers are great, and Stallone did a damn good job bringing Rocky back)
- Iron Man (seriously though, who ISN'T looking forward to this one? you suck if you aren't)
- Speed Racer (it's either going to be really really good or suck something fierce.)
- Semi-Pro (i think will farrell is going to be doing every sport. i look forward to his chess movie.)
- The Dark Knight (will Ledger do Joker justice? early reports seem to say YES.)
Greenpeace mad again
it's always something with these douchebags isn't it? well this time, greenpeace is hoping mad because a Japanese aquarium is putting santa hats on whales.
read for yourself
you can't make this stuff up.
my only question in this is, why is this news? why is greenpeace making a stink about this and getting some coverage while untold masses of dogs are subjected to doggie t-shirts and costumes on a regular basis? why aren't we kicking THOSE people upside the head? i hate dogs, but for god's sake i would at least allow them to keep their dignity.
read for yourself
you can't make this stuff up.
my only question in this is, why is this news? why is greenpeace making a stink about this and getting some coverage while untold masses of dogs are subjected to doggie t-shirts and costumes on a regular basis? why aren't we kicking THOSE people upside the head? i hate dogs, but for god's sake i would at least allow them to keep their dignity.
Saturday, December 15, 2007
Fight Scenes
way back when i was in Afghanistan i was working on a series of lists. It was a bunch of lists under the massive heading "best fight scene". it was a series since there are so many ways to classify fight scenes. guns or no guns? weapons or hand-to-hand? best music? vehicles? i never really got anywhere with it. in fact i only got a few entires into the "best start to a fight" list. i found it while digging up some old documents i had backed up on CD. here you go.
BEST START.
1 – CONAN THE DESTROYER. The crypt fight. Conan whipping out a knife and with a simple “Enough talk!!” he starts some shit. Classic Arnold.
2 – SUPERMAN 2. The big showdown. This was a great opening to a great fight. “Come son of jor-el, kneel before zod!!!” how much better does it get? This was not only a great opening, but it set the stage for a classic comedy moment in Mallrats. You better know what I’m talking about.
3 – STAR WARS RETURN OF THE JEDI. There are several fights in this movie that all start great. Like the pit of Carkoon. Everyone is held captive, about to be executed, Luke is walking the plank and things couldn’t looks worse. And in the span of a couple seconds with a simple hand-signal Luke signals R2 and next thing you know he’s gone from about-to-die-captive to opening-can-of-whoopass-jedi. That’s just friggin awesome. The lightsaber duel between father and son. Luke gives into the dark side and gets ready strike down the emperor. But there’s darth…..it makes it clear to Luke he can’t escape a confrontation with him.
4 – DESPERADO. The big showdown between Antonio and his boys against the bad guys. “let’s play.” Simple yet effective.
5 – MATRIX. Lobby shootout. I think we all reacted the same as the guard when Neo opened the jacket showing a fucking arsenal underneath. “holy shit!”
6 – ALIENS. The fight in the cooling tower area. “Let’s rock!!!!” that’s awesome. Vasquez was such a badass.
BEST START.
1 – CONAN THE DESTROYER. The crypt fight. Conan whipping out a knife and with a simple “Enough talk!!” he starts some shit. Classic Arnold.
2 – SUPERMAN 2. The big showdown. This was a great opening to a great fight. “Come son of jor-el, kneel before zod!!!” how much better does it get? This was not only a great opening, but it set the stage for a classic comedy moment in Mallrats. You better know what I’m talking about.
3 – STAR WARS RETURN OF THE JEDI. There are several fights in this movie that all start great. Like the pit of Carkoon. Everyone is held captive, about to be executed, Luke is walking the plank and things couldn’t looks worse. And in the span of a couple seconds with a simple hand-signal Luke signals R2 and next thing you know he’s gone from about-to-die-captive to opening-can-of-whoopass-jedi. That’s just friggin awesome. The lightsaber duel between father and son. Luke gives into the dark side and gets ready strike down the emperor. But there’s darth…..it makes it clear to Luke he can’t escape a confrontation with him.
4 – DESPERADO. The big showdown between Antonio and his boys against the bad guys. “let’s play.” Simple yet effective.
5 – MATRIX. Lobby shootout. I think we all reacted the same as the guard when Neo opened the jacket showing a fucking arsenal underneath. “holy shit!”
6 – ALIENS. The fight in the cooling tower area. “Let’s rock!!!!” that’s awesome. Vasquez was such a badass.
Friday, December 14, 2007
Global Carbon tax
Hey UN, fuck you.
UN wants to steal U.S. money disguised as fighting global warming.
if this shit passes, i'm done paying taxes. come put me in prison, i don't give a fuck. i am not handing over my money so it can be handed to these fuckholes.
UN wants to steal U.S. money disguised as fighting global warming.
if this shit passes, i'm done paying taxes. come put me in prison, i don't give a fuck. i am not handing over my money so it can be handed to these fuckholes.
WTF moment
today's "WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?" moment is brought to you by Josh Ballard, the mayor of rantville's brother.
So Sportscenter is asking a question that pretty much made my head explode.
"will snow be the equalizer in the Jets-Pats game?"
I'm sorry but am i in an episode of Sliders? did i somehow shift into a parallel universe in which Boston is in Arizona or Miami? because last time i checked, Boston got just as much if not more snow than New York.
so to the geniuses at ESPN i say to you, "WHAT THE FUCK!?!?"
So Sportscenter is asking a question that pretty much made my head explode.
"will snow be the equalizer in the Jets-Pats game?"
I'm sorry but am i in an episode of Sliders? did i somehow shift into a parallel universe in which Boston is in Arizona or Miami? because last time i checked, Boston got just as much if not more snow than New York.
so to the geniuses at ESPN i say to you, "WHAT THE FUCK!?!?"
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Bioshock vs Incredibles
part of why i used to write in this blog is to point out how fucking retarded other people are. so i can show what stupid things they say. you the reader get to read these things and then laugh with me. i've been slacking off. so here's something to get it started again.
some jackass decided to compare the video game Bioshock (which is a great game) and the Disney film The Incredibles.
you can read it and draw your own conclusions. my conclusion is that he really really missed the fucking point.
- celebrating mediocrity. Bob's rant on celebrating mediocrity was meant as a critique on how pitiful modern society has made or is making kids. it was meant as a spit in the eye of every stupid sports league that insists EVERYONE gets a trophy no matter how shitty you play or how little effort you give. which leads to my next point.
- "and when everyone's special, no one will be" that quote from the movie spells it out. when you start rewarding everyone for doing the smallest of things, then the real accomplishments will mean nothing.
- this part was just plain funny.
My law professor once called "The Incredibles" a "Republican movie." There are those that are incredible, there are those that aren't incredible, and that's just the way life is. You have to just have "it" in you (i.e. in the "Republican" analogy, "it" would be wealth, power, or an overriding desire for those things) and if you don't, you're looked down upon. When I first heard him, I didn't really know what the hell he was talking about. But now, I think I've come to terms with it.
kinda slow on the uptake aren't you? it took me 2 seconds to figure out what your jackass liberal douche of a law professor was talking about. he sees the world as all liberals see it. the rich are evil and think that everyone who isn't rich is beneath them. it is the government's DUTY to take their money and give it to the poor, whether they earned it or not.
- he barely mentioned Bioshock. the point of which was that some form of authority is always going to come about and that if left unchecked it will always go out of control.
bottom line: what a moron.
some jackass decided to compare the video game Bioshock (which is a great game) and the Disney film The Incredibles.
you can read it and draw your own conclusions. my conclusion is that he really really missed the fucking point.
- celebrating mediocrity. Bob's rant on celebrating mediocrity was meant as a critique on how pitiful modern society has made or is making kids. it was meant as a spit in the eye of every stupid sports league that insists EVERYONE gets a trophy no matter how shitty you play or how little effort you give. which leads to my next point.
- "and when everyone's special, no one will be" that quote from the movie spells it out. when you start rewarding everyone for doing the smallest of things, then the real accomplishments will mean nothing.
- this part was just plain funny.
My law professor once called "The Incredibles" a "Republican movie." There are those that are incredible, there are those that aren't incredible, and that's just the way life is. You have to just have "it" in you (i.e. in the "Republican" analogy, "it" would be wealth, power, or an overriding desire for those things) and if you don't, you're looked down upon. When I first heard him, I didn't really know what the hell he was talking about. But now, I think I've come to terms with it.
kinda slow on the uptake aren't you? it took me 2 seconds to figure out what your jackass liberal douche of a law professor was talking about. he sees the world as all liberals see it. the rich are evil and think that everyone who isn't rich is beneath them. it is the government's DUTY to take their money and give it to the poor, whether they earned it or not.
- he barely mentioned Bioshock. the point of which was that some form of authority is always going to come about and that if left unchecked it will always go out of control.
bottom line: what a moron.
Monday, December 10, 2007
Sunday, October 28, 2007
Edwards: don't vote for me
democrat Presidential hopeful Edwards has some ideas he wants to put in play. and boy do they SUCK.
from this article in Concord Monitor
he'll institute a New Deal-like suite of programs to fight poverty and stem growing wealth disparity
for the love of god, why does this trend of hating the rich continue? these are the people who create work for the poor. how much longer do you think you can keep shitting on them till they just up and leave?
To do it, he said, he'll ask many Americans to make sacrifices, like paying higher taxes.
because asking the poor to get off their asses and WORK for it just wouldn't be feasible.
says the federal government should underwrite universal pre-kindergarten
right, since public schools are SOOOOOO well run right now. let's start fucking the kids up EARLIER!!!
create matching savings accounts for low-income people
translation: rob from rich and give to poor. they didn't earn it, but you're an evil bastard if you don't think they deserve it!!!
mandate a minimum wage of $9.50
let's see if we can't run small businesses into the ground even FASTER.
and provide a million new Section 8 housing vouchers for the poor
cuz that'll be cheap.
He also pledged to start a government-funded public higher education program called "College for Everyone."
how bout you fix the current college system before thrusting MORE people into it?
if i have to see a demmycrat in the oval office, i'd rather it be Obama.
from this article in Concord Monitor
he'll institute a New Deal-like suite of programs to fight poverty and stem growing wealth disparity
for the love of god, why does this trend of hating the rich continue? these are the people who create work for the poor. how much longer do you think you can keep shitting on them till they just up and leave?
To do it, he said, he'll ask many Americans to make sacrifices, like paying higher taxes.
because asking the poor to get off their asses and WORK for it just wouldn't be feasible.
says the federal government should underwrite universal pre-kindergarten
right, since public schools are SOOOOOO well run right now. let's start fucking the kids up EARLIER!!!
create matching savings accounts for low-income people
translation: rob from rich and give to poor. they didn't earn it, but you're an evil bastard if you don't think they deserve it!!!
mandate a minimum wage of $9.50
let's see if we can't run small businesses into the ground even FASTER.
and provide a million new Section 8 housing vouchers for the poor
cuz that'll be cheap.
He also pledged to start a government-funded public higher education program called "College for Everyone."
how bout you fix the current college system before thrusting MORE people into it?
if i have to see a demmycrat in the oval office, i'd rather it be Obama.
Saturday, October 20, 2007
Venting
- so lemme see if i get this right..... Democrats outright LIE about Rush Limbaugh (and yes that's what they did. they didn't misunderstand or take him out of context or any of that bullshit they fucking knew they were telling lies.) He turns it around on them and raises 4 million bucks for charity. Now they're trying to take credit for it. What kills me is the amount of outrage that SHOULD be out there but isn't.
- Just so all you non-technical people out there understand, if you have a computer that is 4 or 5 years old or older.... and it's running slow or you're having problems.... just buy a new one. The only way you're getting more than 5 years out of a PC is if you only run the programs it came with and you don't go online. Plain and simple.
- This week we actually had a couple days where it FELT like it was fall out. Short lived I'm afraid.
- what pisses me off the most about my love life is that when i sit and think about it, no matter how i played my cards it was inevitable i was going to end up alone, miserable, and pissed. It's lose-lose. If i could wave a wand and take all the pain of my past failed relationships away.... poof.... i lose the experiences and thus the lessons they taught. the same lessons and experiences which taught me that i will never be able to hold a relationship together. without THAT knowledge, I'll be just like all the rest of the single people out there who think "the right one just hasn't come along" and I'll keep playing the lottery of love. which leads to me getting into and failing at more relationships, which leads to the experience, which leads to right where I'm at now.
- I'd like to think i took more from my relationships than just harsh learning experiences. each girl offered something different and i miss very specific things about them. with Kristen (k1) i miss feeling an ignorant love. i loved her and i never knew an unhappy moment whenever we were together. i miss feeling that first love. with Carrie i miss the raw passion. locking eyes and knowing that you fit with that person perfectly. i hope for both our sakes we never meet again because i don't think i could keep away from her. with Yolanda i miss feeling loved. to this day i feel bad about just how much she cared about me and the relationship didn't work. and with Kristin (k2) i miss the feeling like i had actually achieved as close as I'll ever get to a family. sharing an apartment with a girlfriend and 2 cats. that's as close as i got to the white picket fence and 2.3 kids that my friends are living. i never told her but after we got kitty and jack i really did think of us as a family. maybe i should have. in any case, looking back it's all moot. no matter the girl, i find a way to screw it up. thus here i am.
- Just so all you non-technical people out there understand, if you have a computer that is 4 or 5 years old or older.... and it's running slow or you're having problems.... just buy a new one. The only way you're getting more than 5 years out of a PC is if you only run the programs it came with and you don't go online. Plain and simple.
- This week we actually had a couple days where it FELT like it was fall out. Short lived I'm afraid.
- what pisses me off the most about my love life is that when i sit and think about it, no matter how i played my cards it was inevitable i was going to end up alone, miserable, and pissed. It's lose-lose. If i could wave a wand and take all the pain of my past failed relationships away.... poof.... i lose the experiences and thus the lessons they taught. the same lessons and experiences which taught me that i will never be able to hold a relationship together. without THAT knowledge, I'll be just like all the rest of the single people out there who think "the right one just hasn't come along" and I'll keep playing the lottery of love. which leads to me getting into and failing at more relationships, which leads to the experience, which leads to right where I'm at now.
- I'd like to think i took more from my relationships than just harsh learning experiences. each girl offered something different and i miss very specific things about them. with Kristen (k1) i miss feeling an ignorant love. i loved her and i never knew an unhappy moment whenever we were together. i miss feeling that first love. with Carrie i miss the raw passion. locking eyes and knowing that you fit with that person perfectly. i hope for both our sakes we never meet again because i don't think i could keep away from her. with Yolanda i miss feeling loved. to this day i feel bad about just how much she cared about me and the relationship didn't work. and with Kristin (k2) i miss the feeling like i had actually achieved as close as I'll ever get to a family. sharing an apartment with a girlfriend and 2 cats. that's as close as i got to the white picket fence and 2.3 kids that my friends are living. i never told her but after we got kitty and jack i really did think of us as a family. maybe i should have. in any case, looking back it's all moot. no matter the girl, i find a way to screw it up. thus here i am.
Friday, October 05, 2007
Conan
With the aid of youtube, we see that Conan O'Brian is the funniest man on TV.
and a few more clips......
ASS
Best Emmy host ever.
and a few more clips......
ASS
Best Emmy host ever.
Wednesday, October 03, 2007
Nationwide Cup
So i see this on ESPN.com and wonder:
Is there ANYTHING cool or macho about NASCAR anymore?
- no more Winston cup, now we got the nextel soon to be sprint cup.
- bud sponsors a driver who doesn't look old enough to drink the product.
- safety and fairness has made it so drivers can't look at each other mean without penalty.
- now the Busch series is going.
said it before, and I'll say it again, I'm not sorry i stopped following this sport. it's only going to get worse.
Is there ANYTHING cool or macho about NASCAR anymore?
- no more Winston cup, now we got the nextel soon to be sprint cup.
- bud sponsors a driver who doesn't look old enough to drink the product.
- safety and fairness has made it so drivers can't look at each other mean without penalty.
- now the Busch series is going.
said it before, and I'll say it again, I'm not sorry i stopped following this sport. it's only going to get worse.
Saturday, September 29, 2007
Hazing shmazing
interesting little story about 3 high school football players under arrest for sexual assault on another player.
first person who tries to defend their actions as "hazing gone out of control" or even brings up "hazing" should be horsewhipped till they pass out. this was attempted gay rape. like the kind that goes on in prison. nothing more. calling it "hazing" doesn't make it true any more than calling a blind person "visually impaired" gives them the ability to see.
and a newsflash to all you frat guys out there. if you ever partook in anything like this. if you shoved anything up your ass, shoved something in another guy's ass, or did anything to another guy in the nude, you're gay. go ahead and tell yourself "it's just initiation rituals" all you like. that kind of shit is queer as a 3 dollar bill.
first person who tries to defend their actions as "hazing gone out of control" or even brings up "hazing" should be horsewhipped till they pass out. this was attempted gay rape. like the kind that goes on in prison. nothing more. calling it "hazing" doesn't make it true any more than calling a blind person "visually impaired" gives them the ability to see.
and a newsflash to all you frat guys out there. if you ever partook in anything like this. if you shoved anything up your ass, shoved something in another guy's ass, or did anything to another guy in the nude, you're gay. go ahead and tell yourself "it's just initiation rituals" all you like. that kind of shit is queer as a 3 dollar bill.
Links
Thought i'd just throw some links around.
an old internet favorite of mine. cats is cool.
Hilarious Robot Chicken. The GI Joe part is too good.
Conando!!
an old internet favorite of mine. cats is cool.
Hilarious Robot Chicken. The GI Joe part is too good.
Conando!!
Friday, September 28, 2007
Dishwasher blues
See this is what i'm talking about.
When are illegals going to learn? We don't treat you like criminals because we hate foreigners or we're afraid of someone coming to pursue the American dream. we treat you like criminals because YOU ARE. i would think the term "illegal alien" was pretty fucking self-explanatory.
For 11 years, Pedro Zapeta, an illegal immigrant from Guatemala, lived his version of the American dream in Stuart, Florida: washing dishes and living frugally to bring money back to his home country.
remove "illegal" and we have a genuine good story. Pedro is now someone i applaud and feel good for. Oh but that isn't the case. So much for it being a good story.
Two years ago, Zapeta was ready to return to Guatemala, so he carried a duffel bag filled with $59,000 -- all the cash he had scrimped and saved over the years -- to the Fort Lauderdale-Hollywood International Airport.
*cue ominous music*
Zapeta, who speaks no English, said he didn't know he was running afoul of U.S. law by failing to declare he was carrying more than $10,000 with him. Anyone entering or leaving the country with more than $10,000 has to fill out a one-page form declaring the money to U.S. customs.
you know what screw the customs law for a second. this guy spent 11 YEARS here and didn't bother learning english? you gotta be fucking kidding me. you wanna play the "national pride" card and say "screw you i'm not learning your language" fine. but do not fucking expect us to cut you any slack when you can't comprende our laws because you can't communicate in OUR language jerkoff.
Officials initially accused Zapeta of being a courier for the drug trade, but they dropped the allegation once he produced pay stubs from restaurants where he had worked.
let's see, hispanic guy who doesn't speak english walking into an airport with 59 Gs in a duffle bag. nope i'm as shocked as you are that any red flags went up. what a bunch of racist bastards.
"They are treating me like a criminal when all I am is a working man," he said.
bad news Pedro. you're BOTH. being a working man does not cancel out the criminal part. sorry.
When are illegals going to learn? We don't treat you like criminals because we hate foreigners or we're afraid of someone coming to pursue the American dream. we treat you like criminals because YOU ARE. i would think the term "illegal alien" was pretty fucking self-explanatory.
For 11 years, Pedro Zapeta, an illegal immigrant from Guatemala, lived his version of the American dream in Stuart, Florida: washing dishes and living frugally to bring money back to his home country.
remove "illegal" and we have a genuine good story. Pedro is now someone i applaud and feel good for. Oh but that isn't the case. So much for it being a good story.
Two years ago, Zapeta was ready to return to Guatemala, so he carried a duffel bag filled with $59,000 -- all the cash he had scrimped and saved over the years -- to the Fort Lauderdale-Hollywood International Airport.
*cue ominous music*
Zapeta, who speaks no English, said he didn't know he was running afoul of U.S. law by failing to declare he was carrying more than $10,000 with him. Anyone entering or leaving the country with more than $10,000 has to fill out a one-page form declaring the money to U.S. customs.
you know what screw the customs law for a second. this guy spent 11 YEARS here and didn't bother learning english? you gotta be fucking kidding me. you wanna play the "national pride" card and say "screw you i'm not learning your language" fine. but do not fucking expect us to cut you any slack when you can't comprende our laws because you can't communicate in OUR language jerkoff.
Officials initially accused Zapeta of being a courier for the drug trade, but they dropped the allegation once he produced pay stubs from restaurants where he had worked.
let's see, hispanic guy who doesn't speak english walking into an airport with 59 Gs in a duffle bag. nope i'm as shocked as you are that any red flags went up. what a bunch of racist bastards.
"They are treating me like a criminal when all I am is a working man," he said.
bad news Pedro. you're BOTH. being a working man does not cancel out the criminal part. sorry.
Zapeta's story became public last year on CNN and in The Palm Beach Post newspaper, prompting well-wishers to give him nearly $10,000 -- money that now sits in a trust.
Robert Gershman, one of Zapeta's attorneys, said federal prosecutors later offered his client a deal: He could take $10,000 of the original cash seized, plus $9,000 in donations as long as he didn't talk publicly and left the country immediately.
Zapeta said, "No." He wanted all his money. He'd earned it, he said.
Now, according to Gershman, the Internal Revenue Service wants access to the donated cash to cover taxes on the donations and on the money Zapeta made as a dishwasher. Zapeta admits he never paid taxes.
ok so now we can throw tax evasion on the list. boy you really don't think ANY of our laws apply to you do you Pedro? See this is what i mean. i can understand and respect to degree, someone fighting for a chance to make their lives better. but this whole "fuck you America i'll come do whatever i please how DARE you get in my way with your LAWS and RULES" attitude has got to fucking go. i hope Pedro gets tossed out on his ass.Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Help me out here
Maybe i'm just crazy, but i could have sworn that civil rights....due process....all that stuff. Applied to LEGAL CITIZENS only.
a few wetbacks and their publicity-hungry lawyer disagree
a few wetbacks and their publicity-hungry lawyer disagree
Moron ex soldier
Some jackass is trying to "make a difference"
a soldier is returning his medals in protest. he says he feels the war is a waste to taxpayer money and has accomplished nothing.
oh did i mention this retard
- did just 1 year
- in the army reserve
- spent his time issuing ammo to the REAL soldiers
- never fired a weapon
oh my god, we should all listen to this guy!!! he's got the pulse of the WHOLE WAR figured out totally!!!! he's in a position to tell us how EVERYTHING is really going. i mean, why listen to Generals who run the whole thing when we can take a clue from some supply jockey passing out ammo instead of shooting it?
I'm predicting this guy will be on Bill Mahar's show in a month. He loves the morons. then again, i heard he loves the cock too.
a soldier is returning his medals in protest. he says he feels the war is a waste to taxpayer money and has accomplished nothing.
oh did i mention this retard
- did just 1 year
- in the army reserve
- spent his time issuing ammo to the REAL soldiers
- never fired a weapon
I'm predicting this guy will be on Bill Mahar's show in a month. He loves the morons. then again, i heard he loves the cock too.
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Four things
Got this in an email from a friend. I'll just fill it out on here. Like it says over there in the upper right.... GET TO KNOW ME!!!!
Four jobs I have had in my life:
1. Bowling alley lane attendant
2. Car Dealership Porter
3. QVC phone rep
4. Barnes and Nobels clerk
Four movies I would watch over and over:
1. Dumb and Dumber
2. Spaceballs
3. Matrix Reloaded
4. Clerks
Four places I have lived:
1. Khandahar, Afghanistan
2. Limestone, Maine
3. US Air Force Academy Prep School
4. Vogelweh, Germany
Four TV Shows that I watch:
1. Family Guy
2. Robot Chicken
3. Football
4. Around The Horn
Four places I have been:
1. Port Douglas, Australia
2. Bangkok, Thailand
3. Tashkent, Uzbekistan
4. Bishkek, Kyrgyzstan
Four people who e-mail me:
1. Robbie
2. Josh
3. Yolanda
4. Courtney (after all, she sent this)
Four of my favorite foods:
1. Steak, Rare, covered in A1
2. Pizza
3. Chicken Fried Rice no veggies from PF Changs
4. Burger with Bacon on it
Four places I would rather be right now:
1. Pattaya Thailand
2. Collecting a lottery check for $100 million
3. In bed with Suzy Kolber
4. High Rollin on the Vegas Strip
Four people I think will respond:
1. Courtney (she better!!!)
2. Cynthia
3. ?
4. that's it. i think they're the only ones who read this blog anymore
Things I am looking forward to this year:
1. another paycheck
2. Mass Effect for the PC
3. some more PC games
4. hell if i know
Four jobs I have had in my life:
1. Bowling alley lane attendant
2. Car Dealership Porter
3. QVC phone rep
4. Barnes and Nobels clerk
Four movies I would watch over and over:
1. Dumb and Dumber
2. Spaceballs
3. Matrix Reloaded
4. Clerks
Four places I have lived:
1. Khandahar, Afghanistan
2. Limestone, Maine
3. US Air Force Academy Prep School
4. Vogelweh, Germany
Four TV Shows that I watch:
1. Family Guy
2. Robot Chicken
3. Football
4. Around The Horn
Four places I have been:
1. Port Douglas, Australia
2. Bangkok, Thailand
3. Tashkent, Uzbekistan
4. Bishkek, Kyrgyzstan
Four people who e-mail me:
1. Robbie
2. Josh
3. Yolanda
4. Courtney (after all, she sent this)
Four of my favorite foods:
1. Steak, Rare, covered in A1
2. Pizza
3. Chicken Fried Rice no veggies from PF Changs
4. Burger with Bacon on it
Four places I would rather be right now:
1. Pattaya Thailand
2. Collecting a lottery check for $100 million
3. In bed with Suzy Kolber
4. High Rollin on the Vegas Strip
Four people I think will respond:
1. Courtney (she better!!!)
2. Cynthia
3. ?
4. that's it. i think they're the only ones who read this blog anymore
Things I am looking forward to this year:
1. another paycheck
2. Mass Effect for the PC
3. some more PC games
4. hell if i know
Sunday, September 23, 2007
Commercials
Commercials have gone nuts. It's a hodge-podge of insanity, non-logic, or total BS.
- Burger King hasn't made a normal commercial in years. in fact, i can't remember the last normal commercial they had. there sure as hell hasn't been a normal one since they introduced the bobblehead-looking King. That fucker is creepy. i don't look at that and say, "mmmm.....whoppers...." i think "that bastard comes near me i'm cracking his giant head open and feasting on the goo inside."
- Visa. yes, of course i believe that the touch-and-go cards work THAT fast. look, i'm all for using a card over cash but come ON. this assembly-line horseshit is retarded. i dunno about the rest of you, but i know that for some reason i ALWAYS get stuck in line behind some dumbass who takes 10 minutes to buy a stick of gum. to add to the frustration of it, after i wait 10 minutes in line you know how long it take ME to check out? like 20 seconds. yeah. oh and while we're on the Visa commercials, i laugh out loud when the Saints one comes on. you mean the 0-2 saints? those sucky bunch of sucks that ever sucked a suck? i think we're all tired of New Orleans now. i know i was from the start. Soon as this abortion of a season comes to a close for them and everyone returns to reality and says "oh yeah, nobody ever liked the saints to begin with". then the owner move forward with what he was already trying to do pre-katrina, move the team to a town that isn't a shithole.
- I read that Alicia Silverstone (didn't she used to be a movie star or something?) appears nude in a PETA ad. Those cockjockeys can try all they like to spin this as "we're trying to educate people on the cruelty going on" all they fucking please. It's nothing more than holier-than-thou fucktards telling people how to live their life. plain and simple. same as environmentalist assholes, religions, and pretty much every politician ever.
- oh and i almost forgot. COORS. those guys talking to clips of coaches. NOT FUNNY. not even close. it's sad. Miller? while i enjoy what's his name from Scrubs, this whole "one beer league" thing is just another pathetic commercial in a long string of "please stop drinking budweiser" commercials. i've said it before and i'll say it again: nothing says "we're bitter losers and all we can think of is to take shots at the guy who's #1" like a commercial that directly attacks a competitor. sad. Budweiser just focuses on making funny as hell commercials. maybe the rest of you losers should focus on making better BEER.
- Domino's pizza. the oreo pizza beard thing? creepy. not to mention stupid.
- Burger King hasn't made a normal commercial in years. in fact, i can't remember the last normal commercial they had. there sure as hell hasn't been a normal one since they introduced the bobblehead-looking King. That fucker is creepy. i don't look at that and say, "mmmm.....whoppers...." i think "that bastard comes near me i'm cracking his giant head open and feasting on the goo inside."
- Visa. yes, of course i believe that the touch-and-go cards work THAT fast. look, i'm all for using a card over cash but come ON. this assembly-line horseshit is retarded. i dunno about the rest of you, but i know that for some reason i ALWAYS get stuck in line behind some dumbass who takes 10 minutes to buy a stick of gum. to add to the frustration of it, after i wait 10 minutes in line you know how long it take ME to check out? like 20 seconds. yeah. oh and while we're on the Visa commercials, i laugh out loud when the Saints one comes on. you mean the 0-2 saints? those sucky bunch of sucks that ever sucked a suck? i think we're all tired of New Orleans now. i know i was from the start. Soon as this abortion of a season comes to a close for them and everyone returns to reality and says "oh yeah, nobody ever liked the saints to begin with". then the owner move forward with what he was already trying to do pre-katrina, move the team to a town that isn't a shithole.
- I read that Alicia Silverstone (didn't she used to be a movie star or something?) appears nude in a PETA ad. Those cockjockeys can try all they like to spin this as "we're trying to educate people on the cruelty going on" all they fucking please. It's nothing more than holier-than-thou fucktards telling people how to live their life. plain and simple. same as environmentalist assholes, religions, and pretty much every politician ever.
- oh and i almost forgot. COORS. those guys talking to clips of coaches. NOT FUNNY. not even close. it's sad. Miller? while i enjoy what's his name from Scrubs, this whole "one beer league" thing is just another pathetic commercial in a long string of "please stop drinking budweiser" commercials. i've said it before and i'll say it again: nothing says "we're bitter losers and all we can think of is to take shots at the guy who's #1" like a commercial that directly attacks a competitor. sad. Budweiser just focuses on making funny as hell commercials. maybe the rest of you losers should focus on making better BEER.
- Domino's pizza. the oreo pizza beard thing? creepy. not to mention stupid.
Monday, September 17, 2007
Sad News
I'm very sad to report that i just read that Robert Jordan, author of The Wheel of Time series has passed away.
I'll admit i am not caught up on the series, but I'm a big fan of his work. His writing was amazing.
Thought I'd share that I've even met him. He did a book signing in The DC area and i went there with Kristin to get an autographed copy.
A true loss to us all.
I'll admit i am not caught up on the series, but I'm a big fan of his work. His writing was amazing.
Thought I'd share that I've even met him. He did a book signing in The DC area and i went there with Kristin to get an autographed copy.
A true loss to us all.
Sunday, September 16, 2007
Sports and stuff
- Ok let's get something straight. Every single team in the NFL has been or is still doing what the Pats did. No exceptions. If you honestly think the Pats are alone in what they did then you are the dumbest bastard on the planet or insanely naive and i have a bridge to sell you. The only difference between them and the other teams? They got caught. Why did they get caught? Because they obviously aren't that good at cheating. Now ask yourself "why would a team not be good at cheating?" maybe because they aren't used to it and haven't needed to? Sounds logical to me. The part I hate is all the crybaby sore losers with sand in their vaginas like the Eagles. "oh yeah, now that we think about it, maybe we lost the Superbowl because of THAT not because we sucked." go fuck yourself Philly.
- I like how my fantasy football season is going so far. Last week I cleaned up. HARD.
- This week promises to be a plethora of releases. Jefe, do you know what a "plethora" is? anyways, the game "World In Conflict" comes out. played the demo and it's pretty cool. Superman:Doomsday is out on DVD. Not really sure about that. and friday the new Resident Evil movie comes out. I liked both the first 2 so i'm game to see this one.
- i leave you with a totally awesome commercial.
- I like how my fantasy football season is going so far. Last week I cleaned up. HARD.
- This week promises to be a plethora of releases. Jefe, do you know what a "plethora" is? anyways, the game "World In Conflict" comes out. played the demo and it's pretty cool. Superman:Doomsday is out on DVD. Not really sure about that. and friday the new Resident Evil movie comes out. I liked both the first 2 so i'm game to see this one.
- i leave you with a totally awesome commercial.
Thursday, August 02, 2007
Clarify please
So lemme see if i get this right.
oil companies make product, sell product, make profit like every single business on the planet is doing.
entertainment industry makes about a couple 1000% profit on what it costs to make movies, CDs, concerts, tv shows....etc..... they openly mock anyone who isn't them, have open disdain for the poor, openly advocate violence against government officials, provide aid and comfort to forces hostile to this country, sue their own customers, continue to find more and more intrusive ways to spy on their customers.... and now they're trying to put 19 year old girls in jail.
and the OIL companies are the evil organizations?
stop the world i wanna get off please.
oil companies make product, sell product, make profit like every single business on the planet is doing.
entertainment industry makes about a couple 1000% profit on what it costs to make movies, CDs, concerts, tv shows....etc..... they openly mock anyone who isn't them, have open disdain for the poor, openly advocate violence against government officials, provide aid and comfort to forces hostile to this country, sue their own customers, continue to find more and more intrusive ways to spy on their customers.... and now they're trying to put 19 year old girls in jail.
and the OIL companies are the evil organizations?
stop the world i wanna get off please.
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
well the era of the camaro is over for jimmy. at least for now. rising gas prices and long commute has forced me to find something better on gas than the camaro. so as of now i am driving
2006 chevy silverado.
yes i know what you're about to say.... "jimmy, trucks aren't known for GOOD gas milage!!!!!"
you'll note i said "better on gas THAN THE CAMARO" this is for 2 reasons.
1 - V6 not a V8
2 - takes regular not super
it's a real switch going from sports car to truck.
i'm not going to complain, my camaro and i had a great 112,000 miles. and as soon as i can i'll just get the new camaro that comes out in a few years.
my the way, i got the truck with 5000 miles on it, so pretty much brand new at a GREAT deal.
here's some pics.
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2006 chevy silverado.
yes i know what you're about to say.... "jimmy, trucks aren't known for GOOD gas milage!!!!!"
you'll note i said "better on gas THAN THE CAMARO" this is for 2 reasons.
1 - V6 not a V8
2 - takes regular not super
it's a real switch going from sports car to truck.
i'm not going to complain, my camaro and i had a great 112,000 miles. and as soon as i can i'll just get the new camaro that comes out in a few years.
my the way, i got the truck with 5000 miles on it, so pretty much brand new at a GREAT deal.
here's some pics.
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Monday, July 23, 2007
Thursday, July 19, 2007
101 Simpsons quotes
Some are actually just 2 lines in the same conversation, but hey it's still funny.
I'd like to also point out that no quotes are from past the 8th or 9th season. Since that's when the show ceased being funny.
anyway, here you go.
I'd like to also point out that no quotes are from past the 8th or 9th season. Since that's when the show ceased being funny.
anyway, here you go.
Sunday, July 15, 2007
No democracy thank god
Some moron thought it would be neat to show 10 things Americans could have if this were truly a democracy and everything were decided on popular vote.
All i can say is thank god this isn't a democracy. check this list out.
10 - Marijuana Decriminalization. this one i can agree with. if people wanna kill themselves the very least the government can do is tax the hell out of it. I'm a drinker and smoker and i ain't quitting. I suggest we add prostitution to this one. Selling is legal.... fucking is legal.... why isn't selling fucking legal?
9 - Universal Health Care. ah yes, let's turn all health care aspects into government-run organizations. you gotta be shitting me. Do any of these nimrods REALLY want the same people who run the DMV and Post Office running the HOSPITALS!?!?! We'd also see the end of medical developments. 9999 out of 10000 times a government number cruncher will make sure you can just "live with" whatever you have rather than spend the money to find a cure.
8 - Stricter Campaign Finance Laws. this one is an insanely easy fix. just stop giving political contributions. just don't do it. if politicians had to earn the money you give them and be accountable then this wouldn't be a problem.
7 - Equal aid to Palestinians and Israelis. I'm not really going to comment on this one because frankly i think there's no good solution to this. at all. there's no way to make anyone happy. I'll admit i don't have a clue on what to do.
6 - Reducing Military Spending. ha ha ha ha ha....*pause for breath*... ha ha ha ha ha!!!! oh that's good. and of course all the people trying to kill Americans will just MAGICALLY go away right? i had no idea we could just wish our problems away.
5 - Increased Social Spending. I'm calling bullshit on this one. if this was polled to something people WANT then they clearly didn't understand what was being asked. there's no way i believe that if you asked someone "would you like to pay more taxes from your hard earned money to give it to people who are lazy and want handouts?" actually maybe they just asked poor and lower class people what they wanted. they sure as hell didn't ask the rich people (you know, the ones who pay all the taxes) if they want to give it to even MORE bums.
4 - Acceptance of Kyoto Protocol. nice try Al Gore, shouldn't you be out looking for man-bear-pig?
3 - A Diplomatic Solution with Iran. can i buy some pot from this guy? he has GOT to be smoking the craziest shit ever grown. diplomatic solution? how in the fucking HELL do you solve things diplomatically with a country who wants you dead? not for anything we did, just because we're Americans. wow, this is some serious denial.
2 - Pulling Troops out of Iraq. I've given up caring about this. whatever happens, things are only going to get worse. troops pull out, Iran and Syria move in, another 9-11 happens, and instead of acknowledging that maybe we should have tried finishing the job they'll just blame Bush. it's going to happen. watch.
1 - The Impeachment of George W Bush. this is a joke. people's hatred of Bush has reached a level where i just don't believe anything anyone says about him anymore. people so easily accept the worst about him that it's pathetic. Bush could throw himself in front of a bullet meant for a infant black girl and people would rather believe he fired the bullet, hates kids, hates women, and hates black people. that's how retarded people have become.
All i can say is thank god this isn't a democracy. check this list out.
10 - Marijuana Decriminalization. this one i can agree with. if people wanna kill themselves the very least the government can do is tax the hell out of it. I'm a drinker and smoker and i ain't quitting. I suggest we add prostitution to this one. Selling is legal.... fucking is legal.... why isn't selling fucking legal?
9 - Universal Health Care. ah yes, let's turn all health care aspects into government-run organizations. you gotta be shitting me. Do any of these nimrods REALLY want the same people who run the DMV and Post Office running the HOSPITALS!?!?! We'd also see the end of medical developments. 9999 out of 10000 times a government number cruncher will make sure you can just "live with" whatever you have rather than spend the money to find a cure.
8 - Stricter Campaign Finance Laws. this one is an insanely easy fix. just stop giving political contributions. just don't do it. if politicians had to earn the money you give them and be accountable then this wouldn't be a problem.
7 - Equal aid to Palestinians and Israelis. I'm not really going to comment on this one because frankly i think there's no good solution to this. at all. there's no way to make anyone happy. I'll admit i don't have a clue on what to do.
6 - Reducing Military Spending. ha ha ha ha ha....*pause for breath*... ha ha ha ha ha!!!! oh that's good. and of course all the people trying to kill Americans will just MAGICALLY go away right? i had no idea we could just wish our problems away.
5 - Increased Social Spending. I'm calling bullshit on this one. if this was polled to something people WANT then they clearly didn't understand what was being asked. there's no way i believe that if you asked someone "would you like to pay more taxes from your hard earned money to give it to people who are lazy and want handouts?" actually maybe they just asked poor and lower class people what they wanted. they sure as hell didn't ask the rich people (you know, the ones who pay all the taxes) if they want to give it to even MORE bums.
4 - Acceptance of Kyoto Protocol. nice try Al Gore, shouldn't you be out looking for man-bear-pig?
3 - A Diplomatic Solution with Iran. can i buy some pot from this guy? he has GOT to be smoking the craziest shit ever grown. diplomatic solution? how in the fucking HELL do you solve things diplomatically with a country who wants you dead? not for anything we did, just because we're Americans. wow, this is some serious denial.
2 - Pulling Troops out of Iraq. I've given up caring about this. whatever happens, things are only going to get worse. troops pull out, Iran and Syria move in, another 9-11 happens, and instead of acknowledging that maybe we should have tried finishing the job they'll just blame Bush. it's going to happen. watch.
1 - The Impeachment of George W Bush. this is a joke. people's hatred of Bush has reached a level where i just don't believe anything anyone says about him anymore. people so easily accept the worst about him that it's pathetic. Bush could throw himself in front of a bullet meant for a infant black girl and people would rather believe he fired the bullet, hates kids, hates women, and hates black people. that's how retarded people have become.
Monday, July 09, 2007
Medical science
Using stem cells to suck out the fat and turn it into larger boobs.
Truly this is a great medical breakthru.
Truly this is a great medical breakthru.
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