Thursday, February 26, 2009

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Killer mad

New report showing anger kills.

[Irish Accent] I'll believe that when me shit turns purple and smells like rainbow sherbert!!

Sunday, February 22, 2009

cut me some slack

i realize my last 3 posts were just stuff on cats. cut me some fucking slack, i have writer's block. ranter's block. whatever. the only thing i really wanna rant about is work stuff and on the off chance it gets viewed by someone who doesn't like what i'd say i'm going to refrain. i learned from friends that ranting under your own name can haunt you.

but if you must get a rant then here.

i fucking hate being healthy. well not so much BEING healthy as LIVING healthy. i remember now just why i used to drink nothing but Mountain Dew and Monster. I remember why i ate fast food, Hot Pockets, and Oreos. I remember why i sat on my ass and played games all day. I FUCKING MISS THAT SHIT. I'm tired of drinking water all the time. I'm tired of pissing 5000 times a day. I'm tired of the same 4 or 5 basic meals. I'm tired of watching someone down a soda in front of me and having to keep from punching them in the face.

you know what i hate more than all that? ME. i hate myself for letting it come to this. I hate myself for not having the foresight back when i decided to just say "fuck it" and thinking ahead about just how HARD it was going to be to bounce back when i finally decided to pull my head out of my ass and get back into shape.

I don't regret the "why" of how i let it come to this. I very rarely if ever regret taking the easy way out. I'm lazy. I accept it and can live with it. It was easy to just say "well, i'm never dating again so if i can live with how i look then why give extra effort into looking good?" i don't regret that. Scoring some ass is not my primary or even secondary reason for all this. I abandoned chicks as the motivation to do ANYTHING a long time ago and frankly it's one of the best decisions i ever made. The rest of you suckers can go make fools out of yourself just to try and score, but not me. Some lucky lady wants a piece of Mayor Jimmy? Cool. I'd be more than happy to engage in some heavy polling in the bedroom district. If she thinks i'm buying her drinks, pretending to give a shit about her problems, or sucking up to her for it.... not a chance.

Getting back to the rant..... I make a lot of stupid choices in life. In fact i've made so many i lost count. If i had to list a few i think 3 come to mind right away.

- Dropping out of the Academy. i got bullied out. plain and simple. i let a bunch of jocks and douchebags run me out of town. If i had to leave i'd rather have been thrown out for beating one or two of them into a coma.

- Quitting Rantville. i got paid to blog. and i threw it away. someone please come kick me in the fucking head.

- Not becoming THE MAYOR sooner. why couldn't i be like this in high school? what i wouldn't give to transplant the "fuck all of you!!! i'm Jimmy Ballard and if you don't like it then eat shit and die!!!!" into the high school guy i was.

So like every dumb thing i've done in the past, i'm paying for the lack of vision in letting my body go to hell. I'm clawing my way back to being in shape and it sucks. I can only blame one person though. I can man up to it. YOU COME TALK TO ME, I'M 32 I'M A MAN!!!!

A stubborn man, a stupid man, but it's who i am.

and just to keep with the recent posting theme. MORE CATS!!!!!


Am i hopping around all nimbly-bimbly? am i drinking from a saucer?

Wednesday, February 18, 2009


funny pictures of cats with captions
more animals


The video game F.E.A.R. 2 is to be advertised.... on cats.

Combining black cats (the best kind) + little suits displaying the game title + showing them on Friday the 13th * the game being a FPS thriller = marketing creativity.

If had Kitty, Jack, or Serenity still i'd totally be down for this. I'm generally against any kind of pet clothing but advertising? hells yeah. i'm a capitalist pig baby.

Monday, February 16, 2009


Badeaux does it again.

Another great article. This one is on China and how our foreign policy is taking us to a place we won't wanna be soon.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

weep for the future

I feel really bad for the future of Colorado. You're raising a state full of morons.

Students attempt to get high school name changed to Barrack Obama High School.

this shows 2 glaring facts

1 - these kids are idiots
2 - there is a clear lack of anything resembling a competent history teacher at that school.

it should be pretty fucking obvious why these kids are idiots. we aren't even a month into Obama's presidency. He put a tax cheat in charge of the IRS. wow, we're off to a rolling start aren't we?

the reason they lack a history teacher is that any good history teacher would have immediately gotten them together and said:

"OK so you think your school needs Obama's name. all right well first let me ask you all something. how many of you think George W Bush is a good president? (wait for boos from mindless MTV masses) well guess what, if i had asked you that on 1 October 2001, 90% of the country would have just bitched slapped the lot of you and told you to get the hell out of this country for booing the president. That was barely halfway into his FIRST term. Obama isn't even a MONTH into his. This school name you're about to ditch is over 130 years old. That's well over one century of history you're prepared to toss out the window for a FAD. Now pull your heads out of your asses and get to class."

100 random questions

Something i found on facebook.

1. Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed?
what closet?

2. Do you take the shampoos and conditioners from hotels?

3. Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in?
not since basic training

4. Have you ever stolen a street sign before?

5. Do you use post-it notes?

6. Do you cut coupons but never use them?

7. Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of bees?
a bear, so i can say "i immediately regret this decision!!"

8. Do you have freckles?
i think i used to have light ones.

9. Do you always smile for pictures?

10. What's your biggest pet peeve?
stupid questions

11. Do you ever count your steps when you walk?

12. Have you ever peed in the woods?
does a bear shit in the woods?

13. Do you ever dance when there's no music playing?

14. Do you chew your pens and pencils.
*nibble* *nibble*.... huh? sorry i was distracted

15. How many people have you slept with this week?
oh at least 50. yea right. NONE!!!!!

16. What size is your bed?

17. What is your song of the week?

18. Is it okay for guys to wear pink?
Of course!

19. Do you still watch cartoons?
i will ALWAYS watch cartoons

20. What's your least favorite movie?
anything with julia roberts

21. Where would you bury hidden treasure if you had some?
in the BANK, don't let the black beard fool you. i'm not a pirate dammit

22. What do you drink with dinner.
water right now

23. What do you dip a chicken nugget in?
katsup or honey or bbq sauce

24. What is your favorite food?
i dunno. i have a lot

25. What movies could you watch over and over and still love?
war movies

26. Last person you kissed/kissed you?
honestly i don't know

27. Were you a boy/girl scout?

28. Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine.
who the hell would WANT me to?

29. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper?
i think when i was stationed in Germany

30. Can you change the oil in a car?

31. Ever gotten a speeding ticket?
yes. fucking virginia state trooper nazis.

32. Ran out of gas?
came close a lot, but nope.

33. Favorite kind of sandwich?
bacon and lettuce on toasted sandwich bread

34. Best thing to eat for breakfast?
bacon bacon bacon!!!

35. What is your usual bedtime?
bout 10 or so lately

36. Are you lazy?
and surly!!!

37. When you were a kid, what did you dress up as for Halloween?
mostly Superman or soldier. i went as a ghostbuster once

38. What is your Chinese astrological sign?

39. How many languages can you speak?

40. Do you have any magazine subscriptions?
Not right now

41. Which are better, legos or lincoln logs?

42. Are you stubborn.
big time

43. Who is better, Leno or Letterman?
used to be Letterman early on, but he took a big turn into douche-ville a while ago

44. Ever watch soap operas?
does observing my coworkers here count?

45. Afraid of heights?
not really

46. Sing in the car?
if i do, i'm drunk

47. Dance in the shower?
i might slip and fall!!!

48. Dance in the car?

49. Ever used a gun?
lots. used to carry one in the Air Force

50. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer?
i dunno if it counts, but for my ID badge to get over here to Iraq

51. Do you think musicals are cheesy?
try idiotic

52. Is Christmas stressful?
Nah. I don't celebrate it.

53. Ever eat a pierogi?
a what?

54. Favorite type of fruit pie?
American as Apple Pie

55. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?
fighter pilot

56. Do you believe in ghosts?

57. Ever have a deja vu feeling?
i feel stuck in a rut, stuck in a rut, stunk in a rut.....

58. Take a vitamin daily?
try to

59. Wear slippers.

60. Wear a bath robe.

61. What do you wear to bed?

62. First concert?
Ozfest 1996. went with my cousin Mike right before i enlisted

63. Wal-mart, Target, or Kmart?
Target. better babes

64. Nike or Adidas?

65. Cheetos or Fritos?
fritos only if there's dip

66. Sunflower seeds or peanuts?

67. Ever hear of the group Tres Bien?

68. Ever take dance lessons?

69. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing?

70. Can you curl your tongue?

71. Ever won a spelling bee?
only in my class in elementary school

72. Have you ever cried because you were so happy?
Came close when Dale Jr won the Pepsi 400 at Daytona in 2001.

73. Own any record albums?
No but my dad has a ton

74. Own a record player?

75. Regularly burn incense?

76. Ever been in love?
I wish i never was. nothing but trouble.

77. Who would you like to see in concert?

78. What was the last concert you saw?
No Doubt. went with my ex Kristin since she was a big fan.

79. Hot tea, or cold?
depends on the situation.

80. Tea or coffee?
tea, can't stand coffee

81. Sugar cookies or snickerdoodles?
Sugar cookies. the cookie dough mostly

82. Can you swim well?
sure can. used to be on a swim team when i lived in Turkey

83. Can you hold your breath without holding your nose?
who CAN'T???

84. Are you patient.
at times, but for the most part not really

85. At a wedding, DJ or live band?
DJ. some songs need to be done by the original artists

86. Ever won a contest?
i think so.

87. Ever had plastic surgery?

88. Black olives, or green?
neither. gross

89. Can you knit or crotchet?

90. Best room for a fireplace?

91. Do you want to get married?

92. If you're married, how long since you said "I do?"

93. Who was your high school crush?
i dunno if i had one. no girl in particular comes to mind. i liked this one chick who lived nearby but when to another school, but mostly cuz she had huge jugs.

94. Do you cry and throw a fit until you get your way?
not since i was like 5 or 6

95. Do you have kids?
None i know of

96. Do you want kids?
no no HELL no

97. What's your favorite color.

98. Do you miss anyone right now?
my siblings

99. Did you watch Next Great American Band on FOX?
hell no

100. Would you like other people to answer this survey?
go fer it!!

Tuesday, February 10, 2009


Ladies and Gentlemen, i present the greatest holiday dish i've ever seen.

The Turbaconducken

That's right, a chicken inside a duck inside a turkey ALL WRAPPED IN BACON.

awwwwww yeah.... boyeeeeee.....

Monday, February 09, 2009


Alrighty, so it looks like the A-Rod steroid story isn't going away any time soon.

here's what i have to contribute in the way of thoughts to this. my only question is, how will this affect his possible entrance in the hall of fame? Should it? you bet your ass it should. all i know is that if A-Rod gets in and Mark McGuire doesn't.... that's horseshit. His excuse is the same one as Mark's, "i was doing it back when it wasn't against the rules" and if it didn't work for Mark then there's no fucking way it should work for Gay-Rod.

If i'm missing something here or i'm totally out of line, someone please tell me.

Thursday, February 05, 2009

Yay stimulus bill

Hope and change.... and a shitload of taxpayer's money down the fucking toilet.

Some examples:

- A $246 million tax break for Hollywood movie producers to buy motion picture film.

yeah, cuz those douchebags are DIRT POOR right?

- $248 million for furniture at the new Homeland Security headquarters.

are we buying them solid gold desks?!?!?

- $160 million for "paid volunteers" at the Corporation for National and Community Service.

last time i checked "paid volunteers" are called EMPLOYEES.

Just remember, it is no longer patriotic to question or disobey your president. Now that Bush isn't around you are a bad bad person if you do not fall in line and show "bipartisanship".

Wednesday, February 04, 2009

Get over it south

Alright seriously now..... WHAT THE HELL

What the frakking hell is wrong with you all you confederate flag waving yahoos? YOU LOST. GET OVER IT. You reminisce over an idea that came and went. You're pining an organization that had their asses handed to them. It's like being a 2002-2008 seasons Detroit Lions fan in the year 2100.

Someone please explain it to me.

Tuesday, February 03, 2009

Good reading

My best friend Chris Badeaux started a website with some friends and he's writing articles for it. The website is

here's a great example of his writing. This is an article on the foreign powers and the kind of danger we face now.

Chris is a masterful writer. I highly recommend it.

Sheriff Douchebag

Congratulations Richland County on electing the biggest douchebag in town as your sheriff.

Maybe when he's done claiming 15 minutes of fame for wasting everyone's time with some bullshit charges against Phelps, he can go back to doing whatever he was doing. Cornholing drunks or whatever.

I hope he pulls over every one of you jerkwads for going 2 MPH over the speed limit and tickets you for jaywalking.

Monday, February 02, 2009

hacking for cheap

Sometimes the easiest solutions are the cheapest ones too. a funny place

thank god you're a man

Something my friend Yolanda sent me. Good stuff.

(Click images to enlarge)

Sunday, February 01, 2009

So now where are they

So Kentucky is getting frozen over with people dying.

Where's FEMA?

Where's Obama?

Where's the press crucifying Obama for the slow response while people are dying?

Where's Kanye telling us Obama doesn't care about white people? (is there a "white" version of Kanye?)

Oh that's right, since it's a Demmy-crat in office it must be the people's fault this time. Not the government's. duh. stupid me.

DOUBLE loser

Losing with dignity, not Federer's style. He's much more the "lose and cry like a girl with a skinned knee" type of guy. It's cool Roger, I hear chicks dig a sensitive man. Then again, so do a lot of other guys. The ones who prefer the company of other men.