Tuesday, January 31, 2006
Sunday, January 29, 2006
when your reported income for the year is $110 what the hell do you expect?
actually the real payoff is going to be when i bring this to my school so i can show them i'm poor and get all sorts of government money for school. time to rake in the grant money.
Saturday, January 28, 2006
- George Carlin
- Carlos Mencia
- Dave Chappelle
- Robert Schimmel
i can't think of any other comedians i'd like to see more than these guys. so, yay Jimmy i guess.
Thursday, January 26, 2006
Wednesday, January 25, 2006
Let's start with this one.
Waltrip and Bill Davis and an unknown team get Toyotas. and this is somehow supposed to translate to Toyotas winning races and being competative? are you KIDDING me? look, i like mike, he's a nice guy and total entertainment to watch, but let's be realistic. he didn't start doing anything till he joined DEI. what in god's name do you think he's going to do in a unproven make that has virtually no support?
Then come this one which had me rolling for a good 10 minutes.
IOWA!?!?!? let me get this straight Rusty..... you want people to go see racing..... in Iowa...... in Iowa..... in IIIIIOOOOWWWAAAAA......??? bless Rusty and his hard work but he's gotta be smoking something to be saying this
"This track, I'm really proud of it," said Wallace, who has won 55 Nextel Cup races, the eighth most in NASCAR history. "I've got my name on it and people have put their heart and soul into it and I really want everybody in the world to know about it."
then you might want to start with putting the track somewhere where people will want to go. does he really think people are going to be saying, "screw those Daytona tickets, i'm hitting the Iowa Speedway baby!!!" more like.....
Husband (H): honey, i got great news....
Wife (W): what is it sweetie?
H: i got us NASCAR tickets!!!
W: oh my god that's so awesome!! i love you so much, this is great!! which track?
H: Iowa Speedway
W: Daytona? oh my GOD!!!! wait till i tell my friends they're going to be soooooo jealous....
H: uh dear...
W: that bitch Susan always bragging about her trip to Talladega.... i'll show her, i'm going to wave these tickets in her stupid face and LAUGH..."
W: oh we can go have so much fun at Daytona beach, i can go lay out and get a nice tan. oh my god i have to go bikini shopping....
H: sugar....um....it isn't Daytona....
W: say what?
H: i didn't say Daytona. i said Iowa.
H: yeah Iowa Speedway. Rusty Wallace himself designed it.
H: it'll be cool. it's located in a nice place called Newton.
H: I mean, this is right out of Field of Dreams. If you build it they will come. Well he built it baby.
H: While we're there we can go check out the old Maytag plants that closed.
H: We can also.... uh.... well.....
H: Well i'm sure we find something else to do. Honey? Where you going?
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
Groundskeeper Samus: this is all your doing Willie! I'll turn your groin ta pudding!!
Groundskeeper Willie: Ach, ya talk like a poet, but ya punch like one too!!
Stan Lee: Hey aren't you the guy that's stalking Linda Carter?
Comic-Book-Guy: i believe the term is courting.
Homer: I'm a rage-a-holic!! I can't live without rage-a-hol.....
Long story short, a Hispanic group wants Roberto Clemente's number retired to honor the 12 time all star. This honor previously has only gone to one man. Jackie Robinson. Now his daughter says that the honor should stay his and his alone.
"To my understanding, the purpose of retiring my father's number is that what he did changed all of baseball, not only for African-Americans but also for Latinos, so I think that purpose has been met," Robinson told the newspaper at a birthday celebration for her father in Times Square. "When you start retiring numbers across the board, for all different groups, you're kind of diluting the original purpose."
while i understand her argument, i don't agree. frankly this just rubs me as once again black people thinking that they're the only minorities in this country. as someone who is Hispanic it really chaps my ass because i'm sick of blacks going around like they're the only ones in this country who aren't living the good life.
so let's get something straight. it ain't just black people and white people playing the game of baseball. Hispanics are not only big contributers, they're pretty damn good at it. so come down off your cross and learn to accept that it's OK to honor other races and that "minority" isn't another way of saying "blacks" or "African-Americans".
Now this is the shiz-NITE!!!!
It seems to be developed as a defensive weapon. Shooting down morters and such. It's supposed to be able to fire 240,000 rounds per minute. Considering that we've had about 150 troops killed by morter or rocket attacks since the war started (i'm not sure how many civilians) i'd say technology like this is well worth the investment.
i think this summed it up best
When an exhausted Kobe reached 81 and appeared barely able to stay on his feet, the Lakers removed him to a standing ovation, as well as half-hearted hugs and high-fives from his teammates (all of whom will be disciplined this week from Mitch Kupchak for not celebrating joyously enough). The best reaction belonged to Jackson, who seemed amused, supportive and somewhat horrified, like how Halle Berry's husband probably looked after sitting through his first screening of "Monster's Ball." The second-best reaction belonged to my Dad, who listened to Kobe's postgame interview with Patrick O'Neal and excitedly said, "Wait, how can you score 81 points and not thank your teammates?" Not since Hilary Swank snubbed then-husband Chad Lowe at the 2000 Oscars have we seen something that blatantly egocentric. And look how they turned out.
see here's the thing, this whole situation isn't all that surprising on several levels.
- calling Kobe "selfish" or "a ball hog" at this point is like calling Tom Brady a good QB or Tony Stewart a good driver. it's a given. if someone tells you Kobe is a ball hog the proper reply is "thank you. why don't you type that up in a memo and title it SHIT I ALREADY KNOW!!!"
- i can't imagine what being his teammate is like. it must be like being a pit crew member on a NASCAR team. you know that you have a job and that if you screw it up you can cost everyone the game/race and yet when it's all said and done you're going to be watching some other guy hoisting the trophy getting the chicks and having his face on the cover of the papers.
- i'm not going to deny that what he did was impressive. 81 is a high number no matter how much you snub your team or how bad the other team sucks.
- i think Jim Rome had the best comment on the Raptors when he said that at some point your personal pride as a professional athlete HAS to kick in and you just have to guard Kobe with all 5 men and let the other 4 scrubs on the team take uncontested layups. How can you let a guy score that many damn baskets?
so do i think Kobe can break 100? at this point, who knows.
Monday, January 23, 2006
- Dodge came back with the guns of Everham and factory-sponsored teams. Toyota's got neither.
- who the hell are they going to get to drive them? You think ANY of the guys in the top 10 are going to leave their teams?
- what teams are going to run them? Hendrick? Roush? DEI? Yates? no chance they're dumping their cars.
- the only chance Toyota has is for current small teams/drivers like Waltrip or Robby Gordon to band together and form uber-teams.
that's it. so as soon as some of the small timers start swallowing their pride and banding together Toyota MIGHT have a chance in hell.
"These deaths I believe were entirely preventable," said Sen. Robert C. Byrd (news, bio, voting record), D-W.Va. "And we owe the families of these deceased and noble and great and brave men a hard look of what happened and why."
are you kidding me? this man has been in office for 48 years, he should know the ins and outs of the mining industry and he should have been on top of it. guess he was too busy naming another road/gym/city hall/school/whatever after himself.
ah well, at least something positive will come of all this tragedy. it still doesn't make the deaths any easier to stomach. i know someone who has worked in one of those mines and the thought of him dying in there makes me shiver.
Jimmie Johnson is now riding around in an 850 hp 67 Camaro
and before you start emailing me or commenting, i know he only has it because of the Hendrick plane crash. that isn't what i'm talking about. i'd much rather have Randy Dorton back with us too. so you can just shove that arguement up your ass.
i drive a camaro, i don't like Johnson, therefore him driving a totally sweet camaro makes for a joke "is this an example of no justice or no god?"
Sunday, January 22, 2006
SO who ya got for Superbowl XL!?!?!?
i'm going with Steelers. i wouldn't mind seeing them win.
WVU is going to be a force to be reckoned with next season. USC and UT sure as hell won't be competing for top prize.
Shifting over to basketball, WVU is current mopping up there too, leading the Big East.
I can feel it, 2006 is going to be a good year for Jimmy's sports. Now having just simultaniously jinxed Dale Jr, WVU football, WVU basketball, and the Texans.......
FOOLS!!!! Having mentioned the jinx i've reversed it AND i secretly called shields on a reverse-reverse-jinx!!!! HA HA HA HA!!!!! I'M INVINCIBLE!!!!
Thursday, January 19, 2006
Meanwhile video game movies in general continue to suck. Street Fighter, Double Dragon, Mario Bros, House of the Dead, Wing Commander..... they all sucked hard. Mortal Combat 2 never happened. what i'm not understanding is why game companies don't get more involved in the movies. be more selective and don't just sign on the dotted line to the first jackass who throws you an offer. for example, if Uwe Boll makes an offer, the correct response is to kick him in the balls and burn his house down. Uwe is the genius behind the House of the Dead movie (a movie in which they actually showed random 1 second clips of the game throughout the movie) and recent box office crash-and-burn Bloodrayne. He's also making the Dungeon Siege movie and i read that someone was stupid enough to let him make a Far Cry movie. so all-in-all i'm not that optimistic for the future of gaming movies.
The future for comic movies is a mixed bag. I have my reservations on the upcoming Supeman movie. for those of you who know me, you know how much i love Superman. he's the greatest hero of all time. ever. he defines what it means to be a superhero. i'm very protective of my icon. i watch Smallville, but i watch with a bad taste in my mouth (i'll explain later). I would love to see more Batman movies as long as Christian Bale is Batman. he rocks. i'm highly anticipating X-Men 3 and i think Ghost Rider might be good. The Spiderman series is good, but it still leaves a bad taste in my mouth like Smallville does.
Why the bad tastes? One word: Romance. There is WAY too much fucking romance in movies in general. every freaking movie has to have SOME kind of romantic angle to it. That's the main thing i hate about Smallville, and that's what i don't like about the Spiderman series. It's one of the reasons i'm kinda dreading the upcoming superman movie, because i'm deathly afraid the superman/lois lane storyline will be too big. Anyone wonder WHY the X-Men movies and Batman Begins WORKED??? it's because while there was romance, it was very very minor and was not the focus point. it was treated like a "yeah yeah, there's some love but here's the REAL story" and not like a chick flik set in a comic book universe. that's why all the Batman movies prior to Begins sucked. in EVERY FUCKING ONE they try to have Bruce give up being Batman. Batman would never stop being who is he FOR A CHICK. Bruce Wayne is the mask Batman wears, not the other way around. so while i doubt the movie companies will ever stop shoving romance down our throats i can only hope that DC and Marvel are smart, and that Video Game companies wise-the-fuck-up.
Wednesday, January 18, 2006
A side note, it says that Danica Patrick was considered but wasn't invited. If you're going to be throwing out invites to Rookies-of-the-year winners, why not pick the one that has a shot at getting people interested in IROC racing again?
this is one of those deals that isn't going to get better unless someone steps in and does something about it. leaving it alone and just hoping that one side of the arguement will "get over it" isn't going to work this time. NASCAR needs to got off their asses and do something.
my take on it is that i think the Buschwackers do more harm than good. Nextel cup regulars who run Busch damn near full time don't impress me. wow, you're an NBA player playing against college students, you're SOOOOOO good.
here's the only solution i can think of. they need to start pulling money and points. if you want to run Busch for practice, fine, then it's going to cost you. They can't continue to let guys like Kenseth and Martin take points and money from teams and drivers that need them more.
Tuesday, January 17, 2006
- i'm not alone in my attitude toward how NASCAR has been treating non-bandwagon fans. a friend of mine wrote and told me about something they read in a newspaper
"NASCAR's Tuesday night version of the old Winston Cup Preview, held for so many years in Winston-Salem with sellout crowds of 25,000, was again a disappointment, with perhaps only 500 people (at $15 a head) showing up for what is now billed as Fan Fest, next to the Daytona garage."
when people are ducking a fan fest in NORTH CAROLINA then you know you have a problem. selling NASCAR in NC should be a total freakin no-brainer. that's like holding a University of Texas rally here in San Antonio and getting a poor turnout. NASCAR not only needs to start noticing this shit but they need to do something about it. when the johnny-come-lately fans are gone you're going to need that Southern support to survive, and your current trend of peeing on them just make an extra buck isn't going to help you when times are tough.
- i read that Mark Martin is expected to have a busy year. in fact an even busier year than last year. ok so wait a sec, i thought he was retiring BECAUSE HE SAID HE WAS TOO BUSY!!!! so this is his answer? to get even BUSIER!?!?!? someone needs to explain this to me. either Mark is a complete and total pantywaist who got bullied into postponing retirement or he's a pants-on-fire level liar. i'm sorry but you don't plan retirement to slow your life down and then turn around and take on MORE work. if someone can explain i'd appreciate it.
- Jr. well, honestly i don't have much to say here. he's back with Eury, he seems to be happy, and i think we all just have to wait and see what happens.
- the car of the future. i've seen some pics online. it looks like shit. the future is looking crappier and crappier with each shitty decision France and Helton make. given their track record as of late, i'm surprised Kansas City is out of the running for the Hall of Fame. come on guys, throw an occasional kick to the head of the southern fans while you're busy stomping their nuts.
- Daytona. everything about testing and practice is all a total wank. having the fastest time means dick. it don't matter how fast you're going if you're in the danger zone when Jimmie Johnson decides to wreck someone. the only real indication we'll get on who's running well will be the Bud Shootout.
so anyway, we'll see how this season goes.
Monday, January 16, 2006
on principle, it isn't nice to laugh at other's pain. but this was gratifying as hell.
gee, i wonder why nobody takes greenpeace seriously anymore......
hilarious SNL sketch with Tom Brady
Eddie Murphy back when he was funny
MAYBE I SHOULD GET TIVO [John J. Miller]
Three TV commercials I can't stand:
1. Budweiser Select: Could there be a duller spokesman than August Busch IV? Does monotone sell beer? It's enough to make me run screaming for Pete Coors in the Rockies.
2. Coke: I'm thinking of the one with polar bears and penguins. Don't they know that polar bears live in the Arctic and penguins in the Antarctic? This is biological illiteracy.
3. MasterCard: The ads with Peyton Manning, who won't be appearing in this year's Superbowl, are funny, as he acts like a crazed fan cheering on everyday people as they perform ordinary jobs. The one where he asks the grocery store stockboy to sign a loaf of bread for his little brother is especially funny. But these commercials also leave a bad taste in my mouth. They show a football superstar mocking the enthusiams of his fans, and suggest that grocery store stockboys are less worthy of applause than sports jocks. There's something fundamentally arrogant about this.
1 - i don't really find Busch to be monotone, but if it means a Budweiser commercial that Cedric "the entertainer" isn't in, that's fine by me. At least it isn't a Miller commercial. Can ole Gill sell ya some Miller? How much will you buy, please say a lot i need this......AH NO you promised you were buying a case from me.
2 - as a penguin fan i concur about the mixing of penguins and polar bears. but as a die-hard supporter of common-fucking-sense, we've already got the penguins dancing, and drinking coke. i think we've established reality isn't a factor. so it's cool that they share with polar bears.
3 - lighten up francis. this commercial is hilarious. it isn't an athlete looking down on the common man, it's just a "what if" look at applying sports fan situations to every day jobs. get that stick out of your butt there johnny.
i freaking love it. this is the best show on TV. this is all that's propping up what passes for entertainment now. for every one of these shows we have to deal with 10 american idols, 50 "attractive people who can't find true love" shows, and all other manners of crap hollywood throws at us.
looking forward to the next 2 hours tomorrow.
Sunday, January 15, 2006
- people giving themselves names/titles and getting away with it. one person in particular i can't stand is "queen" latifa. fuck her and fuck everyone who's been making things worse by not telling her "you're not a fucking queen, you're a fucking rapper and shitty actress you moron. if your real name is lame, too fucking bad. get off your cross, use the wood to build a bridge and GET OVER IT. take note. if you know me and you get famous and you suddenly decide you've become so popular you can give yourself a name, expect me to be the one to slap your goofy ass back into reality. like the queen and every other rapper out there needs.
- Miller Lite commercials. nothing says "pathetic" and "please buy our product we're dying" more than ads that specifically attack your competitor. you want a better ad? fine, here's an idea. go talk to The Simpsons people and see if you can use the character Gill for your next commercial. have him peddling the booze. "would ya like to buy a 12 pack of miller lite? come on please you gotta help ole Gill out.... AW NO i could just taste that sale. OH NO not my hotplate, i only had 2 more payments!!!"
- Hollywood's insane crusade to convince us all that EVERYONE on death row is innocent or misunderstood. apparently, nobody in prison deserves to be there and the cops have nothing better to do than go around framing minorities. maybe we can make this trend work in our favor. we can make the argument against police installing camera stoplights and speeding cameras, because if they do that cops will have more free time and they'll want to spend it framing minorities. so in the interest of justice we protest cameras or anything else that will keep police off the streets. they can't catch me speeding if they're out there framing people now can they? ha ha ha!!!!
- this weather we've been having lately. hey Seattle, how bout you stop hogging all the rain you selfish jerks!!! share with San Antonio!!
- what the hell is up with MTV and their shows that try and see just how superficial and shallow they can get people to act? shows like Made, Next, Room Raiders.... what the hell? and while we're on it, how long till you tell your kids that you remember a time when MTV played music videos and they look at you and laugh? i give it 5 years.
- just to insert a positive comment, let me just share with you a reason why i love my school (ITT Tech). you see, no matter how fat, ugly, badly dressed, nerdy, or socially awkward i will EVER feel.... i can always go to school and be sure that i'll find someone who's worse than me. guaranteed. every freaking time. i'm not just there to learn, i'm also there for an ego boost.
- is it me, or has TV in general become extremely bi-polar? either you love what's on and can't wait for the next episode, or you'd rather jab your eyes with a fork than watch it. speaking of rather jab a fork in my eye than watch..... apply that to all these shows about people who date like crazy and just can't find "true love". fuck these people. like i'm stupid enough to believe that someone who looks like Heather Graham has problems dating. or this coming show "love monkey" where some guy apparently is going to be dating tons of chicks and is in constant search for "miss right". on behalf of the guys who can't get a new girlfriend every other week, up yours pal.
- and last but not least, i'm pissed about the total drought of entertainment until March. no good movies coming out, nothing on the Xbox360 either. this sucks.
if i missed anything i'll post later.
Saturday, January 14, 2006
So my question is, do i file that commercial under "reason not to ever buy boost mobile EVER" or "there is no god" or "there is no justice".