Friday, March 28, 2008

Yikes

Whatever happened to just TPing the principal's house?

Now what

Bitch-boy is at it again. Not able to find enough reasons why his teams suck, Jack Roush has decided the newest unfairness perpetrated against his organization is theft. Someone stole something and they will pay.

Well, that's what he says anyway.

I think a Simpsons quote will do just fine here.

Dean: I'm sorry boys I've never had to expel anyone before, but that pig had powerful friends.
Nixon: Oh you'll pay, don't think you won't pay!!!

Monday, March 24, 2008

goooooooal

Hilarious. Watch the goalie sneak off and beat the crap out of the other goalie.


Saturday, March 22, 2008

Monday, March 17, 2008

Heartbreak Ridge

Best moments of Heartbreak Ridge. love this movie.





i need to find the cadence scene.

Model A Ford and a tank full of gas,
handful of pussy and a mouth full of ass.....

UPDATE: found it!!! about 3 min into this one.

Nun joke

A nun walks into Mother Superior's office and plunks down into a chair; she lets out a sigh heavy with frustration.
"What troubles you, Sister?" asked the Mother Superior, "I thought this was the day you spent with your family."
"It was ," sighed the Sister."And I went to play golf with my brother. We try to play golf as often as we can. You know I was quite a talented golfer before I devoted my life to
Christ."
"I seem to recall that," the Mother Superior agreed. "So I take it your day of recreation was not relaxing?"
"Far from it," snorted the Sister. "In fact, I even took the Lord's name in vain today!"
"Goodness, Sister!" gasped the Mother Superior, astonished. "You must tell me all about it!"
"Well, we were on the fifth tee...and this hole is a monster, 540 yard Par 5, with a nasty dogleg left and a hidden green...and I hit the drive of my life. I creamed it. The sweetest swing I ever made. And it's flying straight and true, right along the line I wanted...and it hits a bird in mid-flight not 100 yards off the tee!"
"Oh my!" commiserated the Mother. "How unfortunate! But surely that didn't make you blasp heme, Sister!"
"No, that wasn't it," admitted Sister. "While I was still trying to fathom what had happened, this squirrel runs out of the woods, grabs my ball and runs off down the fairway!"
"Oh, that would have made me blaspheme!" sympathized the Mother.
"But I didn't, Mother!" sobbed the Sister. "And I was so proud of myself! And while I was pondering whether this was a sign from God, this hawk swoops out of the sky and grabs the squirrel and flies off, with my ball still clutched in his paws!"
"So that's when you cursed," said the Mother with a knowing smile. "Nope, that wasn't it either," cried the Sister, anguished, "because as the hawk started to fly out of sight, the squirrel started struggling,
and the hawk dropped him right there on the green, and the ball popped out of his paws and rolled to about 18 inches from the cup!"
Mother Superior sat back in her chair, folded her arms across her chest, fixed the Sister with a baleful stare and said... "You missed the fucking putt, didn't you?"

Saturday, March 15, 2008

Ring story

Via Digg

Story of a man who lost the engagement ring he was going to use because he put it in a helium balloon and then watched it blow away.

read it here.

this story is funny on many levels. the funniest for me? The fact that there is actually a suburb of London called "Cockfosters". call me immature, but that's just hilarious.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

orders to kill

it isn't often that i advocate direct and specific violence against people. ok, well maybe it isn't. but this time i'm serious, there are some people out there that need to die. because that's the only way to stop them.

these people are the people behind the movies...

- superhero movie
- epic movie
- meet the spartans
- date movie
- scary movie 1/2/3/4


spoof movies reached the peak back in the days of Airplane and Naked Gun. you won't top them. this massive abortion of shitty movies we've been getting is a crime against humanity. please, someone kill the people responsible for putting these movies in theaters. please.

Basketball commercials

i had totally forgotten about this commercial. classic charles

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

shocking

Oh look, mysteriously AFTER the football season is over.....

Woman drops charges on Moss

gosh, it's almost as if the whole thing was just a plot to get attention..... naw.

Sunday, March 09, 2008

Goodyear my ass

I'm back from New Mexico. cousin's wedding.

well i see as per usual, Goodyear is a bunch of douchebags and NASCAR in their GRAND wisdom continues to have exclusive contracts with companies ensuring the quality of the products they provide go absolutely NOWHERE.

news flash to nimrods at Goodyear: when the drivers who finish 2nd and 3rd who are also the most popular drivers are openly telling you that your product SUCKS, time to make changes.

Wednesday, March 05, 2008

Tuesday, March 04, 2008

Who matters?

OK, time for a rant. this one is directed at the lengths people will go to in order to feel like they "matter".

it started with the local news here in San Antonio reporting on the voting going on. They were talking to a Hillary supporter (a butt-ugly woman) and she started going on about how she thinks (and i quote) "we think we can pull out a victory".

ex-fucking-cuse me!?!?!? WE????? what's this WE shit? is she running for an office and the news just fail to mention it? reality check there jackass..... if HILLARY wins, then SHE gets to go on to fame and fortune. YOU the pathetic loser who voted for her, get to go back to your loser existence. there is no WE.

this is just like all the sports fans out there who talk about their team in terms of "i think we can win a championship this year." once again... WE????? did you get drafted? i don't see you out there on the field pal. THEY will try and win a championship. YOU will get to keep watching from the fucking COUCH. you are a FAN, not a PLAYER. YOU think that THEY can win.

are people really this fucking demented? are we so desperate to feel important that we bullshit ourselves into thinking that voting and cheering makes us part of a campaign or a team? apparently we are.

need more proof? how about those nimrods who stand in the background during the Today show or in pregame shows? there's maybe 2 or 3 people who are watching and saying "holy shit!!! i KNOW that guy!!!!" the rest of us are going "look at that dumb bastard in the background on his cell phone. can't we arrange for something to hit him?"

listen. not being famous isn't the fucking end of the world. yeah we all want our 15 minutes. i had mine. came and went. it's over and done. no big deal. i'll live. some of you may never be famous. that doesn't mean your life was meaningless. it just means you didn't become famous. there's no need to humiliate yourself. your pride isn't worth it. keep your dignity please.