Friday, March 31, 2006

Fallen war hero

Medal of Honor recipient, David Bleak died.

this guy is a big time badass.


The Army's description of his actions on June 14, 1952, said Bleak killed two of the enemy with his bare hands and a third with his trench knife, and then shielded a comrade from the impact of a grenade that had fallen near the man's helmet.

Though he was wounded in the leg, Bleak began to carry the injured soldier, the medal citation said. Attacked by two enemy soldiers with bayonets, "he grabbed them and smacked their heads together, then carried his helpless comrade down the hill to safety."

blah blah blah

been a while since i'm posted anything. so i'll just throw random thoughts up.

- what the hell is going on with sports now? is there some kind of secret contest going on among the heads of the NBA, NFL, MLB, and NASCAR on who can be the biggest douchebag?? NASCAR fining Gordon, NFL now banning TD celebrations, NBA to get rid of players wearing tights, and this MLB steroid bullshit...... seriously, what the fuck is going on?

- first the NASCAR fine thing. i guess Helton and France won't be happy till they've stomped every last ounce of emotion out of the sport. next comes the banning of burnouts and spraying beer/gatorade in victory lane. win the race, thank the sponsors, and go home from now on. i honestly think the drivers should all get together and one weekend they should ALL just act like robots in EVERY interview. (kenseth can coach them) they can just give simple and short answers and show NO emotion at all. then at the end of it Jr or Gordon can tell everyone, "see folks, this is where the sport is heading. we decided to give you a sneak preview. if you didn't like it i suggest you take it up with Helton and France."


- next the NFL. limiting TD celebrations??? great, now the NFL is starting to take itself too seriously. let's get something straight guys, you are ENTERTAINMENT, that is what you are first. yeah yeah, role models, whatever. you're running an entertainment organization just accept it and stop trying to get rid of the entertainment we get from TD celebrations.

- NBA is going to get rid of tights. one question. WHY!?!? who fucking cares? is this a fashion thing? are you guys still trying to convince us you're some kind of "classy" league? i would think you'd jump at the chance to market yet MORE clothes to the public.

- so now the steroid scandal has reached a head. the investigations begin. at this point it is officially "too much, too late". you might have had a chance in hell of convincing me or any other person that you HONESTLY care about steroid abuse if you had started this back when McGuire and Sosa were tearing it up. why didn't you? oh yeah that's right, you saw that people were starting to watch again and you didn't want to derail the gravy train. duh stupid me. oh and thanks for giving Jessie Jackson some ammo to fire by going after Bonds. countdown to "oh so we just want to protect a WHITE man's record from being broken by a BLACK man".... 5...4...3...

- i don't know why, but i always feel guilty when i walk out of a barber shop and put my hat back on. yeah i know i walked in with a hat, i always wear a hat, so there's no reason i should feel bad. for some resaon i always do though. i kinda feel like i'm flipping off the barber.

- Blazing Angels on Xbox360..... sweet game.

- one of my teachers at school actually thinks it isn't a stretch to compare the current administration's actions to Nazi Germany. he threw Guantanamo out as if it was proof. yeah, cuz we're just rounding up everyone with arabic sounding names off the streets of the US and throwing them in; women, children, everyone. oh no wait WE AREN'T. we're rounding up MEN who are in AFGHANISTAN and IRAQ and are busy FIGHTING US. gee how could i not see the comparison? tell you what, if you can go convince someone who lived in Germany during WW2 that it's the same then i'll buy your story. until then, you're making light of the horrors of what happened back then and showing what an incredible JACKASS you are. we've made it abundantly clear to him to steer clear of politics in future discussions. guess he's used to teaching teenage robots who believe everything MTV tells them.

Thursday, March 23, 2006

good point

Someone brings up the Bonds/Home Runs/Hall of Fame thing with sports guy and he answers with a point of view i hadn't really thought of before.


Leif (Kelowna, BC, Canada): What are your thoughts on Barry Bonds passing Babe Ruth and maybe even Hank Aaron? Even if he took steroids, they were technically still legal in MLB when he started the juice.

Bill Simmons: (2:08 PM ET ) I think his records should count and he should be in the Hall of Fame. And I think his plaque should clearly state that there's overwhelming evidence that he may have used steroids from 1999 on. I also think Pete Rose should be in the HOF. The whole point of the HOF is to have a place that captured every significant moment that ever happened in baseball, good and bad. If you landed from a UFO, you would go there and learn about the game. Not having Bonds and Rose there seems dishonest to me. Like we're hiding something.

great

Messege to all Spurs fans who went after Sports Guy...... thanks a lot you retards. now everyone who reads his column thinks we're all uneducated morons here in San Antonio. As indicated from this chat trascript.


Enrique, SA, TX: Bill, what were you thinking when you wrote that Spurs coach Greg Poppovich was going to retire after this season? Do you know how much money he would be walking away from if he did?

Bill Simmons: (1:30 PM ET ) I didn't, actually. The funny part was all the angry e-mails from the San Antonio area -- is San Antonio a third world country or something and nobody told me? I haven't seen that many misspellings and crazed threats in the history of my column ... if there was a way to send e-mails in capital letters and crayons, that would have been the typical response from a Spurs fan. Do they have school systems there or is it simply home schooling and that's it?

Monday, March 20, 2006

24

holy shit. that was the biggest bombshell i've ever seen. on ANY show. EVER.

Sunday, March 19, 2006

thinking

now i KNOW i'm getting old, i'm sitting around thinking about the ins and outs of my life. i guess it's part of getting close to reaching the milestone of nice round number like 30. this is the part of my blog that i use as therapy. i'm writing this mostly just to put it down and see it. like a diary. so if you want to read be my guest but you'll probably finish and say "what a fucking wierdo jimmy is."

i've been thinking about where my life has taken me. i thought about where i was when i turned 25, 20,15, 10, and 5.

25 - back in march of 2001 i was living in the DC area. i lived in Lanham in a 3 bedroom apartment with Kristin, Roger, Chris and Bridget. I think Roger was still dating Mary so the apartment was a hotbed of sexy 20 year olds. i was still in the air force. work was ok i guess. i complained all the time but you know, it just wouldn't be jimmy if i weren't complaining about SOMEthing right? i'm trying to think if there was anything i'd tell that jimmy, something that could've made his life better. nothing. i used to think i could tell the old me to hold onto Kristin. do nice things for her, tell her i love her more often..... but what's the point? if there's one thing i've discovered about myself it's that i'm not "built" for a relationship. just like midgets ain't build to be in the NBA, i'm not emotionally built to be in a relationship. sooner or later, i screw it up. so given what i know i can't recommend anything to jimmy at 25.

20 - ah yes, at 20..... march of 1996 found me right back here in san antonio. i was living with my family and working at QVC as a phone operator. i particularly remember THIS birthday because i was nailing this married chick i worked with at the time. this was a point in my life where i started realizing that marriage isn't all it's cracked up to be. given the opportunity we're pretty much all only as faithful as our options. call me a cynic but if you sleep with a few married women it's hard to convince me it's just us guys that are dogs. i suppose a man ruled more by ego than common sense would think "maybe you're just THAT studly dude!!!! maybe most chicks are faithful but those ones you bagged couldn't resist you!!!!" yeah right. i ain't that big a prize. i never was. so what would i tell jimmy at 20? well since i was 2 months from enlisting i would tell jimmy to do something that could have made my life a HELL if a lot easier. i would have told him to bail on going into Finance and gone into computers instead. i could've gotten into computers in the air force, stayed in 4 years, learned a lot, gone to school on uncle sam's dime, and then bailed after 4 years and gotten PAID working as a contractor. not just working as a contractor, but i'd have looked up brown and root and gone to work for them over in Kosovo or Bosnia. i heard so many damn stories from my afghanistan coworkers about how great it was over there. top shelf honeys, great living conditions, and top pay. oh how i wish i could talk to jimmy at 20.

15 - i don't really remember much about this time in my life. i was a sophomore in high school in arizona. that's it. i didn't do anything. i went to class, read books, and sat around. i never even had a girlfriend at this point. good god at this point i still actually believed in love. i believed in so much back then. i believed i would go to the air force academy. i believed i'd become a pilot. i believed i'd marry some gal, have a family, and bring that family up in the air force like i was brought up. it was the only way of life i ever knew and i liked it. shit, what WOULDN'T i tell jimmy at 15. for starters i'd tell him to get off his ass and play some sports. i'd tell him to punish his body and take advantage of the youth i had. turn your body into a machine. jimmy at 15 knew that chicks didn't seem to flock to skinny nerds but jimmy at 30 can tell him they go for fat emotional trainwrecks even less.

10 - i can't remember if we were living in new mexico or if we had moved overseas to turkey yet. god life was so easy back then. by this time i had gone thru enough school to realize i was smarter than everyone else around me. a lot smarter. i'm not saying this to be a fatheaded dick i'm just telling the truth. that's how it has always been. you know what i'd tell jimmy at 10? jeans and a t-shirt. looking back at old pictures i used to dress like such a goober. jeans and tshirts are so much easier and comfortable.

5 - this is all pretty hazy. i lived in Maine. life was all about playing with friends. one thing i do remember about that time period was that this was the time when it was actually fun to be in the air force. i remember going to my dad's work (he was a firefighter at the time) and hanging out at his squadron get-togethers. softballs games, vollyball and basketball, cookouts..... everyone enjoyed themselves and it was just a better atmosphere than the one i was in when i was enlisted. ah the good old days.

so what does the future hold? what will jimmy at 35 or 40 tell this jimmy? well if there's one thing i've learned it's that i have no fucking clue. jimmy at 25, 20, 15, 10, and 5 would never have guessed how jimmy at 30 is living in a million years. so here's to the future and all the uncertainty it brings.

open letter

Dear people in the advertising departments of Burger King, Sonic, and Sierra Mist......

your commercials SUCK. not just suck but they are fucking annoying as hell. i intentionally avoid purchasing your products because the constant bombardment of your shitty ads. i hope you all go out of business.

Thursday, March 16, 2006

VIVA!!!

Xbox has an upcoming game that some are calling “the pokemon killer” by which they mean something that will draw kids.

VIVA PINATA!!!


Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Women

Tell you what, if the US military women were a little more like the chinese military women as shown here......

then maybe i'd be a little more receptive to the joke that women in the military are equal to men. But as long as we have the current situation of things like

- women's fitness standards being half of men's and even THEN they can't do it.
- women in the military (or maybe just the air force) being unable to lift furniture

so until stuff like that goes away, I'm going to laugh in your face if you suggest chicks are equal.

Monday, March 13, 2006

jack bauer

it's official, Jack Bauer has the biggest balls and is the most shit on character onTV.

TV intros

All those intros to the TV shows of the 70s 80s and 90s.

check em out!!!

Sunday, March 12, 2006

Night Watch

Josh and i went to go see Night Watch yesterday. good movie. it's in Russian so there's some subtitles but it's cool. I really enjoyed this movie because it's so anti-hollywood (i think the russians can teach us something about filmmaking). In fact the ending is WHY i liked it so much. none of this hollywood "everyone is happy" bullshit. in this movie, people are flawed and they don't sugarcoat it. it's also where i got the latest quote for my email autosignature.

"It's easier for a man to destroy the light within himself than to fight the darkness around him"

that's so true, if it weren't there'd be no such thing as drug addicts or alcoholics or anything like that. The stresses and pressures and problems of life are all around us and in the end it's a lot easier to just escape into something so we don't have to fight it.

anyway, this movie isn't for everyone but i liked it.

Saturday, March 11, 2006

Battlestar Galactica

watched the season finale last night. all i can say is.... WOW.

*spoilers ahead*

i liked Dean Stockwell's character a lot.

"I'm not a fraking Cylon! (sees his Cylon twin) ...Oh, OK then."

that was great. i laughed my ass off when the Pegasus and the Galactica jumped soon as the cylons showed up. strip us down, give us a skeleton crew, and then make us glorified watchmen? well FUCK YOU GUYS we're outta here!!! i wonder where they're going to go with that storyline. i mean, 2 battlestars that aren't even close to 100% functional, skeleton crews, against like 5 or 6 cylon basestars? i have a theory, or at least an idea for something cool.

what if there was a cylon civil war? what if the "hero" sharon and six models wanted to make peace with mankind but not all models went for it? the cylons that were determined to proceed with the original plans could be the ones who found New Caprica and are doing the occupation and the other side could side up with the Adamas to retake the planet. what do you think?

anyways, October is way too long to wait.

top 50

top 50 ways to ruin a frat party. my favs are 45 and 7


50. Smear your naked body in Vasoline, and then, in front of the crowd, tell the fraternity president that you have done everything he asked, and are ready for his "personal initiation".
49. While manning the keg, tell your fraternity brothers, one by one as you’re filling up their beer, that you “kinda like them as more than a friend.”
48. Leak a fake news story that all the Natural Light and Pabst Blue Ribbon has been recalled due to possible "tampering".
47. Bet one of the drunk brothers $100 that he can’t wrestle some random dude’s clothes off.
46. Wear shorts and then dance around the house secretly pissing on people’s legs. When they turn around, act like you spilled your beer.
45. Replace all the condoms in the house with Magnums. Then watch at the end of the night as all the girls walk out of the rooms laughing.
44. Steal the house mascot lamb and sell it to the gyro vendor on the corner.
43. Invite the women’s basketball team.
42. Apologize to the crowd and tell them that you’ve had to cancel the donkey show, because the donkey arrived dead on arrival. However, you hate to waste a good whore, so instead you’re borrowing your friend’s pet, and the hermit crab show will begin in twenty minutes.
41. Put a human head in the refrigerator.
40. Play porn videos in each bathroom at full volume with the doors locked all night.
39. Two words: Sui. Cide.
38. Steal all the men on the Foosball table.
37. Start an argument about which is better: Old School or Animal House
36. Persuade the Theta Ki sisters to pull out their penises.
35. Run frantically into the party and shout, “Someone is outside keying a Jeep Wrangler!” Watch as the brothers break for the doors.
34. Make anonymous phone calls to homes of all the high school girls’ parents informing them that their daughter is drinking and having sex at the house. Watch as the angry fathers storm in looking for their little girls.
33. Whenever you spot a guy macking on a hot girl, walk up to her and whisper in her ear that you have had sex with the guy, and he is fantastic in the sack.
32. Walk around with your dick stuck in a ball of ground meat and if anyone asks, insist that you are “Rushing”.
31. When "Sweet Caroline" inevitably plays, go "BAH BAH BAH!" one measure early every time, then keep swearing and cursing and hitting yourself through where it's supposed to go.
30. Be sure to steer every conversation to how much you hate Will Ferrell.
29. Bring a mix CD of last year's greatest rap/R&B hits and swap it with this year's. Listen to drunken partygoers say "those songs were so last month" as they head for the exit.
28. Make a label that says "NEW Axe Body Spray: Wild Musk" place it on a spray bottle of fox piss, and leave it in the living room.
27. Place a sign on the wall that says, “There have been 0 days since a work stoppage due to a pledge dying of alcohol poisoning.”
26. Whiskey-dick measuring contest.
25. Tell everyone Dave Chapelle died.
24. Walk around with no pants and a “My Friend Flicka” butt plug in your ass. When people ask why, tell them that “America just needs to believe in ol’ He-biscuit.”
23. Print out crude and disturbing pictures from the internet of animals being abused and stick them on the fridge. Tell everyone it’s from last weekends “Charity Picnic”, when brothers Stu and Moose got bored.
22. Claim to be pre-med and quietly whisper into every girl's ear who's being hit on by a brother at the party that you "interned at the campus med center and he came in complaining of a creamy yellow discharge in his sheets".
21. Actually throw a punch when one of the brothers tries to pick a fight by thrusting out his chest, pushing and shouting at you.
20. Every time someone quotes Old School, Office Space, Napoleon Dynamite, or Wedding Crashers, punch them in the fucking mouth.
19. Whenever you give a girl a cup of beer, warn her that there "might be piss" in her drink. When she looks at you confused, nod knowingly and walk away.
18. Ask all the guys at the party if they want to learn the secret handshake. If they say yes, gently cup their balls, close your eyes, and move toward them for an open-mouth kiss.
17. Print out the grades of the brothers and place them on the wall .
16. Buy a bag of black, heavy-duty, 100% cotton Hanes T-shirts for the annual Wet T-Shirt Contest.
15. Set bass to -9 on stereo. Set treble to +9. Set fade to all the way left. Break off knobs.
14. Perform the "upperdecker"- pooping in the tank. It's always a crowd pleaser.
13. Hang nude pin-ups of the Golden Girls over every bed, couch, and any flooring with carpet. Also laminate a few and put them in the bathroom and in the kitchen.
12. Invite the cast of “Murderball”, and tell them the keg is on the second floor.
11. Tell people that your last party was even crazier, and ask if they want to see the video you made. Then show them party footage edited together with Faces of Death. When people ask who got eaten by the crocodile, just say you “don’t want to dwell on that”.
10. Be black. Attend Fraternity party.
9. Secretly replace all Red Bulls with piss. Not only will this sap the energy from the party, but no one will be able to taste the difference.
8. Ask a brother who is in the midst of making out with one of the "sisters" what your DNA tastes like, because the same wasted girl blew you ten minutes ago upstairs. Tell "Snowball" to look on the bright side: he has a new nickname, and there is no way he can get pregnant that way.
7. Get a police outfit, then take a woman with a fake black eye to the party. Walk around from man to man in the party asking the woman, "Is this the guy?" as she sobs.
6. Make Jell-o shots for the ladies, and place an unbroken and rather scary-looking pill in each one. Insist that there is no pill in there and that they should just "down it!"
5. Run in and scream, “Fuck man, the Dave Matthews Band broke up!”
4. When a girl asks if you know how to make a White Russian, say “sure”, and make one for her. Half an hour later, go up to her, embarrassed, and ask her if you were supposed to masturbate into it once or twice. You never can remember your mixed drinks.
3. Brutally harass a group of hopeless but determined nerds all semester, then challenge them to some sort of competition. Use your hot cheerleader girlfriends as bait for an elabore big prank that will leave them humiliated and desperate for revenge. When the day of the big competition arrives, arrogantly assume that the nerds don't stand a chance. Then standby and prepare scream, "I hate nerds!" as the victorious doofuses are celebrating their victory by banging your best girl.
2. Drop pants near keg. Do a handstand and put the tap up your ass. Start pouring while enthusiastically counting off.
1. Invite Girls

Thursday, March 09, 2006

shirt

Where do I get the shirt Tony is wearing? That’s freaking awesome!!!! 10 times funnier with a professional race car driver wearing it. 100 times funnier with THAT driver wearing it.


Abortion rights for men

"The National Center for Men has prepared a lawsuit — nicknamed Roe v. Wade for Men — to be filed Thursday in U.S. District Court in Michigan on behalf of a 25-year-old computer programmer ordered to pay child support for his ex-girlfriend's daughter. The suit addresses the issue of male reproductive rights, contending that lack of such rights violates the U.S. Constitution's equal protection clause.

"The gist of the argument: If a pregnant woman can choose among abortion, adoption or raising a child, a man involved in an unintended pregnancy should have the choice of declining the financial responsibilities of fatherhood."


I so hope this goes through. I see no reason why it shouldn't, after all isn't that what women want? EQUAL RIGHTS? If you have the "right" to just walk away from your parental rights then shouldn't we get the same option?


Someone expands the arguement more here

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

hell freezing

Thank you Shea over on the trackside board, this was great.


Is Hell exothermic or endothermic?

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so profound that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.
As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.
Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.
The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct...leaving only Heaven thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."
THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A"

Super photo finish

Yeah, and mom and dad thought I played a lot of Nintendo growing up. This is a race between two guys to see who can beat Super Mario Bros the fastest. I’m not sure what’s more impressive.

Either

1 – the fact they beat it in like 6 minutes.

Or

2 – they finish within milliseconds of each other.

You be the judge.

Monday, March 06, 2006

awesome

this is too good.

the opening credits to The A Team...... redone......

check it out.

Screw U college

Common sense finally wins one in the courts.

this ruling finally tells colleges that if they're going to suck on the teet of federal money, they can't bar military recruiters from campus simply because they don't like the military policy on gays. i can't believe it took this long.

i'm so sick of colleges and the attitude they promote of "gimme gimme....but i don't have to contribute anything, just gimmie gimmie gimmie...." fuck those bastards.

Houston wussies

The new Houston MLS (Major League Soccer) went from a retarded name "Houston 1837" to a lame one. They are now the Dynamos.

Apparently the change was because the name "offended Mexicans" since it refers to not only the year Houston was founded (its intent) but also the year Texas beat Mexico to gain independance. So now we of the Texas decent are now supposed to be ashamed of our heritage and our pasts. Once again giving another point to the "fuck white people and they shouldn't be allowed to feel any pride in their culture" groups.

Let me just say, Houston... you a sorry bunch of pathetic pussies. Also let me say, which i remind you i say as someone of Hispanic decent, FUCK MEXICO AND ANY MEXICANS WHO GOT OFFENDED. fuck you all right in your stupid asses. Houston is in Texas. We beat your sorry asses and kicked you the fuck off our land and now your poor pathetic asses have to crawl back in to beg for scraps. So fuck you if we take some pride in our past. Just because you got nothing to take any pride in doesn't mean we shouldn't be allowed to.

Sunday, March 05, 2006

Mexico

had the race on but didn't watch too much of it. been dealing with some computer issues.

- So now Kyle Busch has attained asshole status in Mexico. All he needs to do now is go kick Waytne Gretzki in the balls and he'll officially be the most hated sports-figure in all of NORTH AMERICA.

- good for Denny. although i'm wondering where this sudden rush to think the Busch series means something came from. lemme see, rookie wins the shootout and a Busch race and we're singing his praises nonstop, meanwhile you got the 2 time defending Busch series champ as a rookie and DW and the gang MIGHT mention Truex if they're feeling generous.

- oh and once again someone used the phrase "He's the real deal." god i hate that phrase. he's the real deal? why? is this some sort of surprise? did they just drag a random fan out of the stands and put HIM in a car?

Thursday, March 02, 2006

Epic struggle

growing up, something i could always count on at a birthday party for Jackie, Josh, or myself was a Pinata. to honor that i present to you a video.

Man vs Pinata: the epic battle continues.

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

German Engineering in the house

Those Volkswagon commercials. good stuff.

"It's definately sucking."

Drinking update

Oh yeah, saturday night's alright for fighting..... or drinking. check out the fat guy in the West Virginia hat doing the kegstand!!!! oh wait, that's me!!!

Wayans loco

is it me or has the whole Wayans family gone the way of the Jacksons? some of them gay, none of them entertaining, ALL of them crazy.

this certainly would seem to back me.

Damon wants to trademark "Nigga" for.... get this..... a LINE OF CLOTHING.