Monday, September 29, 2008

Top 20

Someone made a list of the top 20 best Simpsons episodes to celebrate the 20th season opening.

Oh look at this....

nothing beyond season 9!!!!

once again this goes to validate my saying that the show needs to be killed immediately to salvage even the most remote scrap of dignity and humor it once held.


You gotta try this chili.... it's killer.

Sunday, September 28, 2008

Get to know me

found this "get to know me" thing on myspace. figured what the hell, i'm bored.

Name: Jimmy Ballard
Date of Birth: 29 March 1976
Birthplace: El Paso, Texas
Current Location: Hotel, Falls Church, Virginia
Eye Color: Brown
Hair Color: Black
Height: 5'10"
Heritage: Hispanic
Piercings: Fuck no
Tattoos: None right now
Band/Singer: Lots
Song: Depends
Movie: Tons
TV show: South Park, Battlestar Galactica
Color: Black
Food: Mesquite Chicken w/ Bacon from Quiznos
Pizza topping: Pepperoni
Ice-Cream Flavor: Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough
Drink (alcoholic): Bud Light
Soda: Mountain Dew
Store: Best Buy
This or That
Sunny or rainy: Rainy
Chocolate or vanilla: chocolate
Fruit or veggie: fruit i guess
Night or day: night
Sour or sweet: sweet
Love or money: money
Phone or in person: in person
Looks or personality: looks
Coffee or tea: tea
Hot or cold: cold
Goal for this year: make money, learn about job, not get killed
Most missed memory: i dunno
Best physical feature: none, i'm fugly
First thought waking up: boy that was a waste of time
Preferred type of plastic surgery: right now, Liposuction
Sesame street alter ego: Oscar. duh
Most stupid remark: tons of them
Greatest ambition: i got none.
Greatest fear: getting in another relationship
Darkest secret: like i'd post THAT
Strangest received gift: dunno
Worst habit: smoking i guess
Do You:
Smoke: yup
Drink: yup
Curse: fuck yeah
Shower daily: yup
Like thunderstorms: yup
Dance in the rain: nope
Sing: no no hell no
Play an instrument: the plastic guitar on rock band
Get along with your parents: yup
Wish on stars: not anymore
Believe in fate: kinda
Believe in love at first sight: fuck no
Can You:
Drive: oh yes. fast
Sew: a little
Cook: mac and cheese
Speak another language: used to speak some Turkish
Dance: if i'm dancing you know i'm WASTED
Sing: nope
Touch your nose with your tongue: if i could i'd be getting paid more often
Whistle: yup
Curl your tongue: yup
Have You Ever:
Been Drunk: oh hell yeah
Been Stoned/High: nope
Eaten Sushi: nope
Been in Love: yup
Skipped school: yup
Made prank calls: nope
Sent someone a love letter: yup
Stolen something: i'm a net pirate
Cried yourself to sleep: i think so, i was drunk
Other Questions:
What annoys you most in a person? too many things annoy me
Are you right or left handed? left
What is your bedtime? when i'm tired
Name three things you can't live without: internet, video games
Do you have any siblings? 1 of each
Do you have any pets? not now
Would you kill someone you hate for a million dollars? hell yeah
What is you middle name? lee
What are you nicknames? yimmy, mayorjimmy, jamus, uncle gee gee (don't ask)
Are you for or against gay marriage? i don't care
Do you have a crush on anyone? no, just lots of chicks i wanna fuck
Are you afraid of the dark? nah
How do you want to die? crushed in a massive orgy
Would you take a bullet for the one you love? sure
What is the last law you’ve broken? speeding i guess
In a Member of the Opposite Sex:
Hair color: red
Eye color: light light blue or green
Height: shorter than me
Weight: less than me
Most important physical feature: not sure, depends on the girl
Biggest turn-off: facial piercings of any kind

Friday, September 26, 2008


What a fucking crybaby.

You know, i used to stick up for Letterman. There was a time i honestly preferred him over Leno. I'm not a huge Leno fan, but right now at least i can say Leno is the only one being not only a grown-up but a professional as well.

Ok so McCain bailed on an appearance. fucking deal with it. you mean to tell me you NEVER in all your years had another celebrity bail on you? You can't even PRETEND like you've been doing this whole television gig more than 5 minutes? Have some fucking self-respect, right now you look like a little bitch. Shit, Paris Hilton could teach you lessons on accepting bad things with some dignity right now.

No more Letterman for me. I'm done. The #1 reason why Mayor Jimmy has quit Letterman.... *drum roll* He's a total crybaby whiny little pansy-ass bitch.

Good night everyone you've been a great audience.

Are they serious?

I got this weekly newsletter from one of my companies i work for. There's a section in there about leadership. I found one part of this particularly interesting.

So all these years my "courage to make waves" and "courage to tell the boss they are wrong" was leadership!!! I think i need to send this newsletter to well.... EVERY boss I've ever had so that they can see how wrong they were in making my life a living hell simply because they couldn't see the leadership I possess.

One thing thing is painfully clear from reading the article on leadership. This guy has clearly never been in the military. Making waves and telling the boss they are wrong will get your career NOWHERE. trust me, i know from personal experience.

UPDATE: just to expand on my thoughts on this. here's why the idea of making waves is leadership thing is absolutely retarded. people who will defend this idea will say "you can make waves but in a tactful and professional manner". i call bullshit. no you can't. tactful and making waves do not go together. the very act of making waves negates the tactful part. if you are "tactful" then you move from "making waves" to "politely offering suggestions" and where's the leadership in THAT? the only way you make waves without ruffling feathers is when you do something by accident and it ends up making waves. that sure as bloody hell isn't leadership. maybe we need to have this guy who wrote it spell out for us what HIS definition of "leadership" is. maybe in his fantasyland leaders offer suggestions and tell the boss they're wrong without being crucified but here in reality it's a different story.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Rock on

Before i left TX i got together with some coworkers for some Rock Band goodness. We totally rock. Notice Tony in the middle has literally rocked out of his pants.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008


Ladies, are you tired of guys touching your boobs? Wish you had an effective yet cute way to keep those grubby hands off?

Introducing, the FBDS

Feline Boob Defense System

Container homes

Story about the expansion of shipping containers converted to cheap housing.


Lemme tell you right now, back when i was in Afghanistan these would have been like moving into a mansion. These things really aren't that bad. You won't be hosting any superbowl parties in them but they're comfy.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Sunday Fun Day

Sunday my coworker scored some tickets to the Redskins game. Some NICE ones.

Here's our view. We spent the 1st quarter and half the 2nd from here. I was about 2 minutes from fighting a guy. Some jackhole who thought he was Madden and knew how to run the team. So with about 6 minutes left in the half we relocated.....

here. We spent halftime and most of the 3rd quarter here. I dunno who got the idea to put a Hooters in the stadium but god bless them. Anyways, from there we went to....

A cigar bar. Nice.

I wonder what the poor people are doing.

Your Mayor

This is the mayor of Rantville. In case you didn't guess, I'm from Texas.

It hungers for still more

Let's face it, Xmas has absorbed Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving is nothing more than a big meal you eat before you start a month of Xmas shopping. It would appear Xmas is not yet satisfied and requires more sacrifice from the holiday gods. I had warned people that Xmas would soon set its sights on Halloween and it looks like....

I was right

HAPPY LOVE DAY EVERYONE!! (please tell me someone gets the reference)

Monday, September 22, 2008


Gas prices hitting everyone hard.

even Cocaine dealers

Feel good

For those you friends and family who have expressed concerns about me going to Iraq, i invite you to read an article expressing just how much it has changed. You won't find this kind of good news watching TV. No Jon Stewart making jokes, no Hollywood retards tossing their two cents in.


Thursday, September 18, 2008

Biden: das looney toons

Joe Biden: officially fucking crazy.

pay more taxes or you hate America

so, lemme see if i'm getting this right.... to show they love America, people already handing over 50% of their money need to give MORE... to a bunch of yahoos who have mismanaged they money already given to them. What's the matter? Are they planning on holding more steroid meetings? More lazy people want welfare? Prisoners complaining about lack of hot tubs? Illegal aliens want to own houses and we need to pay for it?

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Much ado about moving

Ok, so it's been a while since an update and there have been a FEW things happening since then.

- no longer in San Antonio.
- currently living in a hotel (a nice one actually) in Falls Church, VA. This is in the Washington DC metro area.
- No longer working at an Air Force help desk. science be praised!!!
- my current job is sitting around waiting to process. for what?
- future job - IT tech in Iraq. yup. jimmy is headed back to the sandbox.

Pretty much everything is the same.

- still the angry loudmouth with a short fuse that you all know and love. actually, i'm not that bad unless news comes on.

As usual i have things bugging me.

- this election coverage makes me ill. How the press finds time to report anything between all the blowjobs they've been giving Obama i'll never know. at this point, i don't believe anything on the news. at all. i don't care who reports it. this has gone from "it kinda looks like certain news organizations have been leaning towards certain candidates" to fox news only stopping the mccain cheering long enough to publish juicy gossip. Only the most deluded of people could actually say with a serious face that everyone but Fox is doing everything they can to get Obama elected.

- despite the joke that is coverage, i don't feel angry about the election. i figure i'm winner either way. the way i see it, if Mccain wins, then i get to see the person i'd rather see in office not to mention the joy of seeing the femenists self-destruct. it's nice that more people are now seeing them for the phonies they always were. femenism was never about women. at least not since the late 80s. if Obama wins, then i get to laugh as he's forced to break promise after promise as he slowly realizes the reality of the job he's undertaking. i also get to laugh in Democrats faces when all this talk of "Change" goes to shit. nothing is going to change. accept it. the system is far bigger than any of us and electing a well-spoken black man raised to godhood by his cult of followers isn't going to bring down the system we live in.

anyways. i'm back to blogging (again).