Wednesday, July 30, 2008

On hold

I think we need to have a break from some things in life. We need to take at least a year from some things off just to kind of let life play out without them.

- Movies in which animals or babies talk. I mean the non animated kind. Stewie and Brian from Family Guy are both examples of acceptable. This shit is not funny anymore. At all. They've reached the bottom of the fucking barrel on this. DO HAVE TO EXPLAIN FURTHER?

- Photographing celebrities 24/7. I have to imagine this shit is beyond annoying as hell for famous people. Can't even go to the fraking grocery store without some douchbag sporting a camera hoping to catch you scratching your balls or pulling your underwear out of your ass. This needs to stop because all you lifeless pathetic losers who actually BUY the magazines and surf the web for these pics thereby giving the camera d-bags a REASON to shove a camera up stars asses. What's even worse is that these fuckos have the temerity to hide behind freedom of the press. are you shitting me? freedom of the press was enacted so that a news organization could print real news that people should know without fear of the government swooping in and ghosting them. It was done so that a reporter could let us know a Senator was taking bribes or that old ladies were getting fleeced for their life savings. Not so some fatass housewife could find out what Britney Spears looks like without makeup.

- Video Games based in WW2. This is game-making at its laziest. Ok, so you wanna enable us to kill humans without pissing off a group. Can't kill blacks, asians, mexicans, arabs, or hippies. White men are ok. Nobody seems to care when the object is to mow down waves of crackers. Not even crackers. What's even better than mowing down white guys? Why, killing endless hordes of EVIL white guys!!! Enter the Nazi. The go-to bad guy for anyone too fucking lazy to think outside the box or too chickenshit to risk pissing off minorities. Do i think we need to switch to killing minorities? No, or course not. I'm just saying it wouldn't kill these unoriginal bastards to MAKE SOMETHING UP. not everything has to be based on real events/groups/people/stories. Engage in some god damn creativity.

- Whore-based reality game shows. Like the Bachelor or Bachelorette. If you're really going to try and pass this shit off as anything approaching real, at the very least you could have the contestants acknowledge that are competing for the chance to be with someone who's basically dating a dozen people at once. You know what? that'll never work. Let's just cancel the shit all-together. Instead of sham relationships, let's see people either compete for something worth winning or at least provide a service to the community. Give a dozen people federal officer status, tasers, handcuffs, batons, and a list of bail jumpers or wanted criminals. Give out prizes for anyone texting in tips on where to find these fugitives. First person to round up their list wins. It doesn't even have to be dangerous felons. Have a team of women hunting men who aren't paying child support. That'll appease the feminist crowds. Get a group of guys who just lost their jobs making cars to hunt car thieves. Get a group of janitors to hunt down vandals. The point is, let's start being creative. I'll volunteer for one. I'll lead a group of IT people to track down spammers. The episode ends with me draining the battery on my taser by shocking the guy's balls till they catch on fire. You think people won't watch? People are already doing FOR FREE.

I'm sure I'll think of more. right now I'm hitting the sack.

Monday, July 28, 2008


I have a few things online to recommend.

- Zero Punction This guy is great. The animation makes the ranting 50 times better. Try to imagine a British version of me.

- xkcd A very smart, offbeat, and funny comic. Stick figure drawing, mathmatical references galore, and some deep thoughts about love and loss.

- Facebook. check out my profile pic. tee hee.

- The Pirate Bay if you don't know about Torrents, i highly suggest you learn. Kiss paying for music and movies goodbye. Rediscover old TV shows. Get some software.

- Filehippo tired of paying for software? Plenty of free replacements for the stuff you're probably paying out the ass for right now. Better stuff too. For example, tell Adobe Acrobat and its 1 hour start-up time to shove off and get FoxIt. Give Microsoft Office the finger and get Openoffice. Give Norton a huge foot in the mouth, punch to the gut, and bullet to the brain... and get AVG.

Sunday, July 27, 2008

Still selling out, still not funny anymore

Some footage of the new Treehouse of Horror for the 20th season of the Simpsons was screened at Comic-Con. From the discription it sounds like we're in for another year of unfunny selling out to Liberal-ville. We're dangerously close to having to resort to "accidental" deaths of the cast and crew in order to stop this travesty of a show. Am i alone in thinking this?

Spoiler warning: Here's what they described.

The presentation began with a screening of two clips from the forthcoming "Treehouse of Horror XIX," introduced by Groening. BEGIN SPOILERS:

The first clip is set on Election Day, with half of a Springfield street's storefronts decorated with Obama signs and the other side covered with McCain ones. Grandpa Simpson holds a sign that reads, "I Still Like Ike"; Mr. Burns stands on the opposite side with a sign that says, "Vote NO on the Magna Carta."

Homer checks in at the polling station looking to vote for governor, president, "anything that will take more money from our parks and libraries." Home can't squeeze into the first voting booth so he's sent to the handicap one since its wider. That booth has an electronic voting machine, which he soon discovers is rigged when his votes for Obama are recognized as McCain votes. When he threatens to report the machine, it opens up revealing a vacuum tube that sucks him inside. He gets sucked inside and then spat back out into the auditorium, where stamps Homer's head with a sticker that reads, "I Just Voted."

Saturday, July 26, 2008


"look mommy, it's batman.... AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!"

so does this kid turn into a vampire now?

The call

5 year old says so long to day care, hello to Hooters.

If you're the father you say to the boy, "that's my boy!!"

Then you go find an ass to kick in that day care center.

That's a pretty good Hooters too.

Sunday, July 20, 2008

ESPY awards and more sports

I was entertained. Justin Timberlake was a good host. Loved the musical number. Let me just say a few things.

- fuck the New York Giants. fuck em all right in the ass. fuck all you phony assholes who are NOW going around saying "i knew they'd win". you fucking liars. even the GIANTS barely thought they'd win that game so don't give me that shit. thanks to Tom and the pats screwing the pooch at the WORST POSSIBLE TIME we now have everyone fighting for a chance to suck the Giants off. fuck all that shit.

- The LPGA should be ashamed of themselves. I understand she forgot to sign her scorecard. fine, i get that. but you know what? they should have told her right away. for them to let her play the next day while they milk another day of publicity was just pathetic. that's a messed up thing to do. to anyone.

- Best line of the show. Ray Allen's acceptance speech for Best Team "wow, another win in L.A." that's great. up yours Lakers ya losers.

- How could you not give Best Game to the Suns-Spurs Game 1 playoff game? That was just a good game. No, let's just take another chance to blow Eli. Pussies.

Saturday, July 19, 2008

Back in the game

i find there's enough going on that i think it's high time i start throwing my 2 cents back in.


- NASCAR continues a downward spiral to oblivion. Kyle Busch is never going to be popular, no matter HOW many races he wins. Period. So take note NASCAR, your policy of "shove winners down the fan's throats like hot dogs in a competition no matter how much they don't care" is going to kill you. We didn't like having the douchebag jimmie johnson shoved in our faces and you are really really really pushing it with kyle busch. you aren't even being discreet about it. We know the fans hate Busch and that you want to mask that as desperately as you can. Know how i know that? You show like 5 seconds of footage of the stands when he wins. Stands not filled with people screaming their heads off. What am i talking about? Go look at the footage you have of Jr, Gordon (jeff), or Stewart winning a race. With the economy going the way it is you're already hurting for real NASCAR fans to show up. You're already waving your dick at the TV watching fans with the eleventy-ka-dillion commercials you show. Oh and by the way, trying to get Obama sponsorship? Why not just put a sign on the pace car that says "we promise we aren't racist" it'll be cheaper and save you some dignity.

- July sucks for sports. No NBA, No NFL, just Baseball. *gag*

- That chick playing basketball in the Olympics for Russia? My brother and i had a long discussion about her. No, i don't think she's a "traitor". If she didn't have such a strong case for saying she wasn't included because of back-room politics (how do you not ask a top 5 WNBA player to even try out?) I'd be inclined to tell her "you know what honey, lots of people who wanted to go to China didn't make it. Suck it the fuck up and try again in 4 years." but her not getting picked was a pretty shady deal. STILL.... she seems to want to not be hated and thought of in a negative light. Not going to happen. Just be glad you're in America. Other countries take the whole "representing your country" thing a SHITLOAD more seriously than we do.

- This whole Favre story needs to die. nobody seems to wanna see things from the Packers point of view. so let me help you out. they have to think of the team beyond the great Brett Favre. they have to consider certain possibilities and what they would do to the team. My sports-authority friend Robbie says that Favre is still a top 10 QB. Which begs the question "why the fuck would you give the enemy help by trading a GOOD player?" if you can negotiate a deal that makes your team better then by all means trade away, but if people are just asking you to release Favre just because he wants to play well fuck all that shit. you don't give the other teams ammo, that's just stupid. i mean, suppose they did get rid of Favre and he goes on the next season to win the superbowl? how stupid does Green Bay look THEN? the owner would have to move to Canada to escape death by fans. luckily it isn't far. so let's cut this "he's still got the itch to play we should do whatever he wants" shit.


- I love reading these articles talking about how members of congress are ragging on Bush. It makes me laugh because these bozos have an 18% approval rating. 18 fucking percent. not even 1/5 of the country thinks they're doing their job and they have the BALLS to criticize Bush? Of course, then i remember the American public has become a bunch of brain-dead nimrods who will ignore anything you do as long as you blame Bush for it. So i guess if i could suck at my job and people wouldn't even care, i'd be doing the same thing. Guess the joke is on us huh?

- Hey America, you DO realize that the Government is made of up more than just the President and Vice President right? contrary to what some of you geniuses believe, Bush and Cheney aren't running the whole show single-handedly. There is a Congress and Senate and Supreme Court also equally responsible for the mess we're in. Just thought I'd throw that out there in case some people decide to turn their brain on for a second.

- I really do hope Obama wins. first, because i wanna see what everyone does when life doesn't get better and there's no republicans or white men to blame. second, i wanna see if the general level of bitching from blacks about equality goes down some. doubt it. you think Spike Lee and Jessie Jackson are eager to get out of that nice little rut they're in? If he doesn't win, i honestly think we'll be seeing the end of the Democrat party as we know it. I think the moderate Dems will have been pushed over the edge and won't tolerate the lunatic fringe anymore. Right now i think they tolerate the crowd because they want to win so bad they can taste it. but if it doesn't pay off, they're going to be pissed. So now that i think about it, maybe i don't want to see Obama win. Maybe it'll be more fun to watch the Democratic party eat itself alive.


- nothing new here. Been playing nothing but World of Warcraft. I have a 70 Pally, a 70 Hunter and to avoid burnout i'm now leveling a Rogue.


- The Dark Knight lives up to the hype and then some. Cinema godhood hath Heath Ledger attained.

- I'm in for some bittersweet TV viewing. Battlestar Galactica and The Shield.... when they come back on it's only to end the series.

- I can tell my sister is getting tired of me walking in while she's watching these dating reality shows (bachelor/bachelorette) and saying "so when are they going to ask one of these guys/girls if they can taste the dozen other men/women on the person they just made out with?"

Personal Life

- none. I go to work, i come home, i game, i surf the web. I don't have a life. meh. I'm cool with that. i see no need to spend the time/money/effort to go out.