Wednesday, July 30, 2008

On hold

I think we need to have a break from some things in life. We need to take at least a year from some things off just to kind of let life play out without them.

- Movies in which animals or babies talk. I mean the non animated kind. Stewie and Brian from Family Guy are both examples of acceptable. This shit is not funny anymore. At all. They've reached the bottom of the fucking barrel on this. DO HAVE TO EXPLAIN FURTHER?

- Photographing celebrities 24/7. I have to imagine this shit is beyond annoying as hell for famous people. Can't even go to the fraking grocery store without some douchbag sporting a camera hoping to catch you scratching your balls or pulling your underwear out of your ass. This needs to stop because all you lifeless pathetic losers who actually BUY the magazines and surf the web for these pics thereby giving the camera d-bags a REASON to shove a camera up stars asses. What's even worse is that these fuckos have the temerity to hide behind freedom of the press. are you shitting me? freedom of the press was enacted so that a news organization could print real news that people should know without fear of the government swooping in and ghosting them. It was done so that a reporter could let us know a Senator was taking bribes or that old ladies were getting fleeced for their life savings. Not so some fatass housewife could find out what Britney Spears looks like without makeup.

- Video Games based in WW2. This is game-making at its laziest. Ok, so you wanna enable us to kill humans without pissing off a group. Can't kill blacks, asians, mexicans, arabs, or hippies. White men are ok. Nobody seems to care when the object is to mow down waves of crackers. Not even crackers. What's even better than mowing down white guys? Why, killing endless hordes of EVIL white guys!!! Enter the Nazi. The go-to bad guy for anyone too fucking lazy to think outside the box or too chickenshit to risk pissing off minorities. Do i think we need to switch to killing minorities? No, or course not. I'm just saying it wouldn't kill these unoriginal bastards to MAKE SOMETHING UP. not everything has to be based on real events/groups/people/stories. Engage in some god damn creativity.

- Whore-based reality game shows. Like the Bachelor or Bachelorette. If you're really going to try and pass this shit off as anything approaching real, at the very least you could have the contestants acknowledge that are competing for the chance to be with someone who's basically dating a dozen people at once. You know what? that'll never work. Let's just cancel the shit all-together. Instead of sham relationships, let's see people either compete for something worth winning or at least provide a service to the community. Give a dozen people federal officer status, tasers, handcuffs, batons, and a list of bail jumpers or wanted criminals. Give out prizes for anyone texting in tips on where to find these fugitives. First person to round up their list wins. It doesn't even have to be dangerous felons. Have a team of women hunting men who aren't paying child support. That'll appease the feminist crowds. Get a group of guys who just lost their jobs making cars to hunt car thieves. Get a group of janitors to hunt down vandals. The point is, let's start being creative. I'll volunteer for one. I'll lead a group of IT people to track down spammers. The episode ends with me draining the battery on my taser by shocking the guy's balls till they catch on fire. You think people won't watch? People are already doing FOR FREE.

I'm sure I'll think of more. right now I'm hitting the sack.

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