The 20 worst places to wake up.
* Your parents’ driveway with the car still running.
* The bushes outside your ex-girlfriend’s apartment using a boom box as a pillow.
* Spooning some random dude.
* In a bath tub covered in blood.
* The Emergency Room with: A) a stab wound, B) significantly less teeth, C) your arms handcuffed to the bed, and/or D) your mom hysterically crying across the room.
* The back seat of a stranger’s car.
* In a strip club getting asked if that last lap dance should go on your credit card like the others.
* On a downtown park bench in a city you’re unfamiliar with.
* Next to your buddy wailing on a chick who may or may not be a professional.
* Surrounded by your friends trying to figure out how you’re too stupid to find a bathroom.
* The back bedroom of a trailer, for the second time.
* Your parents’ kitchen floor.
* Next to a minor telling you it’s “our little secret”.
* The front lawn of the local synagogue.
* Next to any chick your friends have nicknamed slam pig, war pig, big bear, polar bear, hedgehog, freight elevator, or anything else that references her size and/or resemblance to a wild animal.
* The drunk tank with someone dropping a deuce in the community toilet.
* The couch with no pants on and the dryer running.
* The neighbors’ front porch when you don’t know the neighbors.
* On the floor of your old apartment with the new residents dialing 911.