Friday, January 28, 2011


Don't ever let me win the lottery.

We were all chatting at work the other day on what kind of spending orgies we'd embark on if we found ourselves overnight millionaires.  I gotta say, I don't think i'd go on a spending binge.  Here's my listing of things i'd do.

- take care of people.  specifically my family and friends.  family, i would set aside a chunk and give it to my parents and have them dole it out since i trust them to know who REALLY needs it.  i'd also have them tell everyone they give it to "this is all you get.  do not come back later asking for more cuz you ain't getting it.  this is free money you didn't have to do anything to get so be grateful and don't push your luck."  Dad will probably have to be the one to say it since my mom is too nice to say something like that.  Friends, they'd get a little somethin-somethin thrown at them.  Jimmy Ballard looks out for people he likes.
- Car.  a given.  I'm getting my Camaro back and she'll be supercharged to like 900 Horsepower.  I'd rent Texas Motor Speedway for a day after i did and spend all day driving 200 MPH.
- Investments.  I'd have to find an expert on this.  One would think real estate but the way the housing market is going, who knows.
- Businesses.  My dreams of opening gaming centers, and a bar will come true.  The gaming center would be a giant warehouse converted to contain tons and tons of PC/console gaming stations.  We'd have a membership program that has to be opened by a parent.  Maybe run some kind of after school program with tutors to help kids with schoolwork.  Shoehorn in a snack bar, repair shop, and a store that builds custom rigs.  The bar would be something that blends the coziness of an Irish pub with the party-ness of a sports bar.  There will be guitar hero contests.  There's going to be karaoke with the conditions that staff members will carry paintball guns that will be used if you suck.  Wet T-shirt contests.  Beerfest night.  and most importantly, the rant stage.  A microphone on a platform in which a person will, after buying a shot or a pitcher or something, will be granted a certain amount of time to get up and go off on whatever the hell they want that's bothering them.  Anyone who doesn't like what's being said can feel free to buy a drink and go on after.  We'll keep security on hand and lay down a few common sense rules to keep it somewhat civil.  Tell me this wouldn't get better the more drunk people got. 
- Entertainment.  I'd spend the next few years getting part time jobs and seeing what I can do to get fired.  If you sit at your job and think "boy i wish i could tell this customer this" or "I would totally do this if it wouldn't get me fired" well i'd be doing it.  I'd work at McDonalds and laugh at the fat chicks who order diet drinks.  things like that.

Things I wouldn't do.

- buy a huge mansion.  what the hell do i need all that space for?  I'd rather buy an apartment complex and take over connected apartments for myself.
- looking fancy.  i'm still dressing in jeans and tshirts.  i'm not wearing $1000 shirts or anything that stupid. 
- Marriage.  nope.  not that i was before but now i'm REALLY not getting hitched.  in fact one of my first things i'm doing would be getting myself snipped to make sure some bitch doesn't try and pull the old "i'm on birth control baby" bit.
- give to charity.  i'm pretty sure word would get out on how rich I am so i'm sure the freeloaders will be lining up.  it's real simple.  you aren't getting money.  i don't give a shit what kind of sob story you have.  Oh and first person to ask for money on behalf of a church?  I'm hiring someone to beat the shit out of you with a cross.

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