Sunday, December 07, 2008

a sit down

I've been here a week now and i haven't blogged about my situation. sorry. ok so let me take a few and talk about things here.

- living situation. i'm back in a tent again. i have to chuckle at that. i mean, i did a year back in Afghanistan in a tent so i'm laughing partly at the idea of me looking around and going "something about this seems familiar....". the other reason i chuckle is that i guess i expected better. i shouldn't have. so it's my own fault for raising my expectations but still i thought to myself that in the 4 or 5 years we've been here the infrastructure would be a bit better. meh. whatever. i've lived in worse.

- work. I feel much more like a real IT tech. Running cables, installing printers (and getting really pissed the hell off at HP right now), crimping Cat 5 cables.... it makes me feel useful. Honestly, it's a feeling i rarely feel when it comes to work. most of the jobs i've ever had i never felt useful. i just felt like another cog in the machine or i felt like i was just treading water. i like seeing results when i work on something. i never really cared for jobs where it was a nonstop barrage of calls with one jerk after another on the other end.

- war zone. i don't really "feel" like i'm in a war zone. maybe i just haven't had anything happen that snaps me into that. maybe i never will. who knows. all i know is that the danger, while i'm fully aware of the presence, doesn't keep me up at night. it's more like camping in a bad neighborhood. hell i think i feel safer here than i did living in the apartment in Maryland. I mean, 3 white guys (ok, 2 white guys and a hispanic guy who looks and sounds white) and 3 white girls living in an apartment complex where everyone else is black... you do the math. i'm aware of where i am at all times. i hear helicopters circling at all hours, i see cars driving around with flashing lights, i see lots of people carrying guns. i can see craters and demolished buildings everyone. don't mistake my lack of concern for apathy. like i've told my dad and roger, it's probably a product of growing up in the military. that and the fact i'm little crazy.

- people. i've meet quite a few interesting people and heard all sorts of interesting stories. like this one story... some dude who was getting ready to leave, he sold or gave away everything he could and whatever he couldn't sell or give, he burned it. all of it. he left the country with the clothes on his back and a laptop. upon his return home..... his wife made him strip out of those clothes in the garage and walk straight into the shower while she tossed the clothes. holy shit, talk about sticking to principle. there's plenty of other stories. All the locals i've met are friendly people. A lot of this is bringing me back to living in Turkey. the culture and attitudes i see are similar. i see a lot of good people here who deserve a chance at a better life without a small group of fanatical cockbites ruining it for them. i think we're going in the right direction with them and i hope the sacrifices everyone here has made will be rewarded. i'm allowing myself a rare moment of optimism in this, because as much i love being right, i don't want to be right if i think bad things are going to happen here. not after all that's happened.

- health. still tired of peeing 100 times a day, but i'm still drinking water, gatorade, and OJ. still haven't eaten any junk food. i even turned down some xmas cookies from roger. i just have to do the cold turkey thing. i know me. if i get the occasional taste i'm going to end up saying "fuck it" and go back to Dew, Monster, and junk. i will go back to that soon, but for now i think i need to try and undo at least some of the damage i did to myself in the past 6 years.

- misc thoughts. when they put speedbumps down here, they don't screw around. you drive over these things any faster than 5MPH or so and you're going to see your axle left behind. I've seen some damn fine looking women here. between some of the chicks i've seen here and the ones i saw during my trip to Detroit and California i'm really starting to dig Persian women.

and finally, a picture of a kitten we have living in our compound. we think her litter and mom got picked up and she got left alone. poor thing.

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