from moderndrunkardmagazine.com the 86 rules of drinking. i'm adding my own comments to spice it up.
1. If you owe someone money, always pay them back in a bar. Preferably during happy hour.
- it's more fun for the both of you
2. Always toast before doing a shot.
- unless you're alone. well, unless you're toast is, "here's to you ya handsome bastard"
3. Whoever buys the shot gets the first chance to offer a toast.
- if he doesn't do it, feel free to offer whatever the hell you like.
4. Change your toast at least once a month.
- unless it's something really really good. after all, there's something to be said for tradition.
5. Buying someone a drink is five times better than a handshake.
- hi i'm jimmy. here have a beer.
6. Buying a strange woman a drink is still cool. Buying all her drinks is dumb.
- frankly i think buying one is dumb. but that's just me.
7. Never borrow more than one cigarette from the same person in one night.
- bring your own. what is this, prison?
8. When the bartender is slammed, resist the powerful urge to order a slightly-dirty, very-dry, in-and-out, super-chilled half-and-half martini with a lemon twist. Limit orders to beer, straight shots and two-part cocktails.
- have some respect for the poor drunk fool.
9. Get the bartender's attention with eye contact and a smile.
- bartenders is people too.
10. Do not make eye contact with the bartender if you do not want a drink.
- unless it's dead. then chat your drunk ass away.
11. Unacceptable things to say after doing a shot: Great, now I’m going to get drunk. I hate shots. It’s coming back up.
- the quick way to get smacked around.
12. Never, ever tell a bartender he made your drink too strong.
- cuz he'll fix that next time you order one. unless you LIKE drinking tap water.
13. If he makes it too weak, order a double next time. He'll get the message.
- hopefully.
14. If you offer to buy a woman a drink and she refuses, she does not like you.
- sucker.
15. If you offer to buy a woman a drink and she accepts, she still might not like you.
- and you're still a sucker.
16. If she buys you a drink, she likes you.
- drink up ya luck bastard. to my knowledge this almost never happens.
17. If someone offers to buy you a drink, do not upgrade your liquor preference.
- it's called manners.
18. Always have a corkscrew in your house.
- i guess. i'm not a wine drinker personally.
19. If you don't have a corkscrew, push the cork down into the bottle with a pen.
- just like mcguyver would.
20. Drink one girly drink in public and you will forever be known as the guy who drinks girly drinks.
- not this time nancy-boy!!
21. Our parents were better drinkers than we are.
- because society wasn't frowning on it nearly as much as they are now.
22. Never talk to someone in the restroom unless you're doing the same thing—urinating, waiting in line or washing your hands.
- not even that. do your business and leave.
23. Girls hang out, apply make-up, and have long talks in the bathroom. Men do not.
- unless they're looking to fight.
24. After your sixth drink, do not look at yourself in the mirror. It will shake your confidence.
- or give false confidence.
25. It is only permissible to shout 'woo-hoo!' if you are doing a shot with four or more people.
- or quoting homer simpson.
26. If there is a d.j., you can request a song only once per night. If he doesn't play it within half an hour, do not approach him again. If he does play it, do not approach him again.
- just don't do it. chances are i'll hate what you pick and you'll hate what i pick. let's save each other the pain and not request anything.
27. Learn how to make a rose out of a bar napkin. You'll be surprised how well it works.
- ask my brother. it's true.
28. If you can't afford to tip, you can't afford to drink in a bar. Go to the liquor store.
- and make sure you drink from the brown paper bag ya cheap wino.
29. If you owe someone twenty dollars or less, you may pay them back in beer.
- they'll appreciate it.
30. Never complain about the quality or brand of a free drink.
- once again, it's called manners.
31. If you have been roommates with someone more than six months, you may drink all their beer, even if it's hidden, as long as you leave them one.
- how dare they hide beer. you drink ALL that hoarding bastard's stash!!!
32. You can have a shot of their hard liquor only if the cap has been cracked and the bottle goes for less than $25.
- i got no problem with that.
33. The only thing that tastes better than free liquor is stolen liquor.
- like from a keg. stolen kegs are the best.
34. If you bring Old Milwaukee to a party, you must drink at least two cans before you start drinking the imported beer in the fridge.
- for every one GOOD beer you drink you must drink TWO of yours.
35. Learn to appreciate hangovers. If it was all good times every jackass would be doing it.
- i never thought of it that way. nice.
36. If you ever feel depressed, get out a bartender’s guide and browse through all the drinks you’ve never tried.
- learning is fun
37. Try one new drink each week.
- i dunno, that gets expensive.
38. If you are the bar's sole customer, you are obliged to make small talk with the bartender until he stops acknowledging you. Then you're off the hook. The same goes for him.
- if that happens leave. cuz then that's just depressing.
39. Never tip with coins that have touched you. If your change is $1.50, you can tell the barmaid to keep the change, but once she has handed it to you, you cannot give it back. To a bartender or cocktail waitress, small change has no value.
- plus it's a pain in the ass to lug around.
40. If you have ever told a bartender, “Hey, it all spends the same,” then you are a cheap ass.
- indeed you are
41. Anyone on stage or behind a bar is fifty percent better looking.
- not always. sometimes she really is THAT DAMN HOT.
42. You can tell how hard a drinker someone is by how close they keep their drink to their mouth.
- if they're wearing the glass like a feedbag, do NOT attempt to outdrink them.
43. A bar is a college, not a nursery. If you spill a beer, clean it up. If you break a glass, wait for a staff member to clean it up, then blame it on someone else.
- preferably someone to drunk to defend the accusation.
44. Being drunk is feeling sophisticated without being able to say it.
- sofis-ti-pated.... no wait.... sosic-a-mated.....ugh.....
45. It's okay to drink alone.
- sometimes it's your only option.
46. After three drinks, you will forget a woman's name two seconds after she tells you. The rest of the night you will call her “baby” or “darling”.
- just make sure you remember her face when you come back from the can.
47. Nothing screams 'nancy boy' louder than swirling an oversized brandy snifter.
- if more than one person is doing it, you've wandered itno a gay bar or country club. either way RUN.
48. Men don't drink from straws. Unless you're doing a Mind or Face Eraser.
- it's impossible to look manley and drink from a straw. it can't be done. john wayne himself wouldn't be able (nor would he attempt) to do it.
49. If you do a shot, finish it. If you don't plan to finish it, don't accept it.
- damn straight.
50. Never brood in a dance bar. Never dance in a dive bar.
- and never dive in a brood bar. no wait....
51. Never play more than three songs by the same artist in a row.
- you should be kicked in the fucking head if you do.
52. Your songs will come on as you're leaving the bar.
- enjoy the songs picked by the guy who just left in the meantime.
53. Never yell out jukebox selections to someone you don't know.
- why would you?
54. Never lie in a bar. You may, however, grossly exaggerate and lean.
- remember, you stretch the truth, you don't break it.
55. If you think you might be slurring a little, then you are slurring a lot. If you think you are slurring a lot, then you are not speaking English.
- and that isn't drool
56. Screaming, “Someone buy me a drink!” has never worked.
- for a guy.
57. For every drink, there is a five percent better chance you will get in a fight. There is also a three percent better chance you will lose the fight.
- hence you must fight someone drunker than you.
58. Fighting an extremely drunk person when you are sober is hilarious.
- oh indeed.
59. If you are broke and a friend is “sporting you”, you must laugh at all his jokes and play wingman when he makes his move.
- you god damn well BETTER.
60. If you are broke and a friend is “making sport of you”, you may steal any drink he leaves unattended.
- and scurry off to drink it in a dark corner. like the rat you are. nibble at that cheese....
61. Never rest your head on a table or bar top. It is the equivalent of voluntarily putting your head on a chopping block.
- plus you don't know what has been on that table.
62. If you are trading rounds with a friend and he asks if you're ready for another, always say yes. Once you fall out of sync you will end up buying more drinks than him.
- plus you may get lucky and he's so drunk he always thinks it's his turn to buy.
63. If you're going to hit on a member of the bar staff, make sure you tip well before and after, regardless of her response.
- either way you're a sucker. she's going to be nice so keep tipping you tool.
64. The people with the most money are rarely the best tippers.
- they didn't get rich GIVING it away.
65. Before you die, single-handedly make one decent martini.
- and if i don't?
66. Asking a bartender what beers are on tap when the handles are right in front of you is the equivalent of saying, “I'm an idiot.”
- he's then allowed to try and give you the cheap shit and charge the expensive price.
67. Never ask a bartender “what's good tonight?” They do not fly in the scotch fresh from the coast every morning.
- after enough drinks it's ALL good.
68. If there is a line for drinks, get your goddamn drink and step the hell away from the bar.
- and don't order something complicated you ass.
69. If there is ever any confusion, the fuller beer is yours.
- so monitor your beer close. it should never leave your sight or grip.
70. The patrons at your local bar are your extended family, your fathers and mothers, your brothers and sisters. Except you get to sleep with these sisters. And if you're really drunk, the mothers.
- just try not to think of it like this TOO literally.
71. It's acceptable, traditional in fact, to disappear during a night of hard drinking. You will appear mysterious and your friends will understand. If they even notice.
- just make sure you reappear with pants on. then they have to ask.
72. Never argue your tab at the end of the night. Remember, you're hammered and they’re sober. It's akin to a precocious five-year-old arguing the super-string theory with a physicist. 99.9% of the time you're wrong and either way you're going to come off as a jackass.
- try and drink somewhere where the bartender is honest.
73. If you bring booze to a party, you must drink it or leave it.
- and no bitching if you don't drink it.
74. If you hesitate more than three seconds after the bartender looks at you, you do not deserve a drink.
- he's busy and has money to make. know what the fuck you want dipshit.
75. Beer makes you mellow, champagne makes you silly, wine makes you dramatic, tequila makes you felonious.
- good beer makes you punchy.
76. The greatest thing a drunkard can do is buy a round of drinks for a packed bar.
- a RICH drunkard.
77. Never preface a conversation with a bartender with “I know this is going to be a hassle, but . . .”
- just don't.
78. When you’re in a bar and drunk, your boss is just another guy begging for a fat lip. Unless he’s buying.
- then god bless that man.
79. If you are 86’d, do not return for at least three months. To come back sooner makes it appear no other bar wants you.
- unless no other bar wants you. then hang your head in shame and drink up.
80. Anyone with three or more drinks in his hands has the right of way.
- damn straight.
81. If you’re going to drink on the job, drink vodka. It’s the no-tell liquor.
- just don't drink a LOT of it. moderation.
82. There’s nothing wrong with drinking before noon. Especially if you’re supposed to be at work.
- now that's just funny.
83. The bar clock moves twice as fast from midnight to last call.
- but that's only cuz you move 5 times as slow.
84. A flask engraved with a personal message is one of the best gifts you can ever give. And make sure there’s something in it.
- it's fucking classy. just like me.
85. On the intimacy scale, sharing a quiet drink is between a handshake and a kiss.
- and pouring alcohol all over naked bodies in hot passionate sex is way the fuck off the chart. but then that's like one of those things that only happens in pornos.
86. You will forget every one of these rules by your fifth drink.
- forget..... forget.....
Monday, January 01, 2007
#1 of autoblog
autoblog's #1 most commented post of 2006
debut of the chevy camaro concept
a bitching car that needs to be made.
debut of the chevy camaro concept
a bitching car that needs to be made.
by the way
I know some of you that visit here found this place because of the NASCAR posting i used to do. Maybe you found your way over from my time as a blogger for thatsracin.com or just by accident. either way, i'm just letting you know that those postings aren't happening anymore. ever. after the Talladega race during the 2006 chase, i officially quit NASCAR for good. several reasons.
- no more enforcement. that race ending sealed it. NASCAR doesn't give a rat's ass about enforcing rules or sportsmanlike conduct. yeah yeah it just so happened that it was Jr that got screwed, that did add to it, but that was just the straw that broke the camel's back. i mean seriously, is there a sport out there more selective on how and when they enforce their OWN rules? i just can't take it.
- TV coverage. it sucks. plain and simple. i'd like to think that it might get better with the return to ESPN, but i really have no reason to think otherwise. we're still going to have to sit thru 1/3 of the race being commercials, boring filler segments, and announcers with their heads jammed WAY the fuck up their asses.
- overblown news. tony stewart gets mad. dale jr says ANYTHING. a roush driver complains. these are all things that we're used to happening and once they do the news can't shove it down our collective throats fast enough. i'm tired of one story being told 50 ba-ZILLION times and always being blown way the fuck out of proportion.
- johnson winning title. this isn't a main reason, it's just something that ties in with previous reasons. like the enforcement. our current championship team has been busted for cheating more than anyone else and then comes out and wins the title. so how are any of us supposed to think NASCAR is serious about enforcing rules. yeah sure. next you'll tell me that baseball was serious about busting steroids back when McGuire and Sosa were saving baseball from collapsing. johnson winning is also going to fall under the "overblown news". i'm not particularly interested in a TON of johnson ass-kissing.
so it's been a good run. i've had some good times watching and met some great people. it's now NFL, some NBA, and Manchester United watching for me.
- no more enforcement. that race ending sealed it. NASCAR doesn't give a rat's ass about enforcing rules or sportsmanlike conduct. yeah yeah it just so happened that it was Jr that got screwed, that did add to it, but that was just the straw that broke the camel's back. i mean seriously, is there a sport out there more selective on how and when they enforce their OWN rules? i just can't take it.
- TV coverage. it sucks. plain and simple. i'd like to think that it might get better with the return to ESPN, but i really have no reason to think otherwise. we're still going to have to sit thru 1/3 of the race being commercials, boring filler segments, and announcers with their heads jammed WAY the fuck up their asses.
- overblown news. tony stewart gets mad. dale jr says ANYTHING. a roush driver complains. these are all things that we're used to happening and once they do the news can't shove it down our collective throats fast enough. i'm tired of one story being told 50 ba-ZILLION times and always being blown way the fuck out of proportion.
- johnson winning title. this isn't a main reason, it's just something that ties in with previous reasons. like the enforcement. our current championship team has been busted for cheating more than anyone else and then comes out and wins the title. so how are any of us supposed to think NASCAR is serious about enforcing rules. yeah sure. next you'll tell me that baseball was serious about busting steroids back when McGuire and Sosa were saving baseball from collapsing. johnson winning is also going to fall under the "overblown news". i'm not particularly interested in a TON of johnson ass-kissing.
so it's been a good run. i've had some good times watching and met some great people. it's now NFL, some NBA, and Manchester United watching for me.
Sunday, December 31, 2006
polls
said it before and i'll say it again. polls are absolutely WORTHLESS
story was about a poll to gauge the american public thoughts on upcoming 2007. here's a few notes.
- the poll was done over the phone by calling 1000 people. that's right. calling 1000 people is supposed to be an indicator for how millions think.
- 35% said they think the military draft will be reinstated.
- then again, 25% said they thought Jesus was making a second-coming. so what does that tell you.
so next time you hear about a poll, just laugh.
story was about a poll to gauge the american public thoughts on upcoming 2007. here's a few notes.
- the poll was done over the phone by calling 1000 people. that's right. calling 1000 people is supposed to be an indicator for how millions think.
- 35% said they think the military draft will be reinstated.
- then again, 25% said they thought Jesus was making a second-coming. so what does that tell you.
so next time you hear about a poll, just laugh.
maybe this
The damned good looking!!!!
i think i figured out more on that joke thing. it wasn't JUST the joke, but the way it was told. the character just looks funny plus the smile after her tells it. still funny.
Saturday, December 30, 2006
dammit!!!
stupid stupid me. how could i forget? i'm adding to my top movie list again. baker's dozen folks.
Crank. how could i forget that movie. totally awesome movie. and the sex scene right in the middle of chinatown was priceless.
Crank. how could i forget that movie. totally awesome movie. and the sex scene right in the middle of chinatown was priceless.
joke
ever have one of those jokes that you know wasn't particularly funny, but for SOME unknown reason you couldn't stop laughing about it and it stuck in your head? i got one in me noggin thanks to Futurama. From the episode "A pharaoh to remember". for some reason i can't help but laugh every time i think of it.
The high priest during the pharaoh funeral:
The high priest during the pharaoh funeral:
"We commend the body of Hermenthotip to the abode of the damned.
The damned good looking!
Pharaoh commanded me to tell that joke at his funeral."
How to be
I never miss a chance to educate and inform. so in the spirit of education i present a video for the ladies.
How to be the perfect girlfriend
How to be the perfect girlfriend
Friday, December 29, 2006
yay
ghost riding the whip.
a new fad in which dumbasses leave the cars in forward motion, get out and dance on the roof while it's moving. needless to say, it's popular and it's causing injuries left and right.
my only question: isn't there some way we could encourage this? this is prime opportunity to weed out some undesirables in the gene pool. dudes that are fucking retarded enough to do this deserve whatever they get.
a new fad in which dumbasses leave the cars in forward motion, get out and dance on the roof while it's moving. needless to say, it's popular and it's causing injuries left and right.
my only question: isn't there some way we could encourage this? this is prime opportunity to weed out some undesirables in the gene pool. dudes that are fucking retarded enough to do this deserve whatever they get.
Stupid me
I'm going to add 2 more to my movies list for 2006. screw you, it's my blog. in the words of Cartman.... whateva....whateva....i do what i want!!!!
11 - The Departed. can't believe i forgot about this one. awesome fucking movie. everyone is at the top of their game in this. i'd like to offer an apology to Leonardo Dicaprio. i've never really given him his due as an actor. i'd like to include Brad Pitt in this apology too. mostly because they started out as chick flik heartthrobs and after listening to girls talk about how dreamy they are etc.... i just wanted to vomit. so i kinda had a built-in prejudice regarding them. but i'm man enough to admit when i'm wrong. they're both great actors and i'm a jealous jackass.
12 - Beerfest. what was extra nice about this movie was that i got to see it early at an advance screening at the Alamo Drafthouse theater. not only that, but i had my drinking buddies along for the ride.
11 - The Departed. can't believe i forgot about this one. awesome fucking movie. everyone is at the top of their game in this. i'd like to offer an apology to Leonardo Dicaprio. i've never really given him his due as an actor. i'd like to include Brad Pitt in this apology too. mostly because they started out as chick flik heartthrobs and after listening to girls talk about how dreamy they are etc.... i just wanted to vomit. so i kinda had a built-in prejudice regarding them. but i'm man enough to admit when i'm wrong. they're both great actors and i'm a jealous jackass.
12 - Beerfest. what was extra nice about this movie was that i got to see it early at an advance screening at the Alamo Drafthouse theater. not only that, but i had my drinking buddies along for the ride.
Thursday, December 28, 2006
Cheating
seems like all the talk on sports somehow seems to include cheating nowadays. any athlete that accomplishes superhuman feats or breaks massive records is now under the eyeglass. of course, with guys like Bonds breaking the records and then acting like total douchbags, it makes it easier. of course it seems no sport is exempt anymore.
Indian chess player banned 10 years for cheating.
and spare me the "chess isn't a sport" comments. i know. you know what though, i got a varisty letter in high school for it just like the letters the football players got. mine actually means something because MY team was state champs 2 years in a row and we actually won games.
Indian chess player banned 10 years for cheating.
and spare me the "chess isn't a sport" comments. i know. you know what though, i got a varisty letter in high school for it just like the letters the football players got. mine actually means something because MY team was state champs 2 years in a row and we actually won games.
Tuesday, December 26, 2006
movies of 2006
i can never stand reading the "top" lists of movie critics of self-important film snobs (like the people over at aintitcoolnews.com). they always hail these no-name artsy fliks as the best and it's total crap. so here's MY top 10. and i'm not ranking them, just the top 10.
so in no particular order.....
1 - Superman Returns. it's superman for the love of god. yeah the film had WAY too much romance in it (read: any) and not enough action. but it was well done and the plane rescue scene gave me goosebumps. let's hope the sequel has more action to it.
2 - Clerks 2. this movie was great. Randall continues to be one of the most awesome characters on film. i say that since i see a lot of me in him.
3 - Jackass 2. screw you holier-than-thou people who think you're "too sophisticated" to see a movie like this. it's funny. it's guys playing jokes on each other and doing wacky stunts. don't analyze, don't try and make a case for the decline of society. just laugh you bastards.
4 - Borat. it's offensive and just plain weird and yet it's hilarious.
5 - Saw 3. with the amount of boring dumbass horror films out, it's nice to see one that can still make you uncomfortable.
6 - V for Vendetta. the "v word" speech was priceless. what's great though was the sheer amount of people too stupid to know this wasn't a swipe at the Bush administration and that the best message you could've gotten from this movie is that if we're looking for someone to blame for the way things are we need only look in the mirror.
7 - Hostel. once again, nice to see a film that can make you squirm. not to mention it reminded me that i need to take a trip to the balkans.
8 - Pirates of the Caribbean 2. heh heh. pirates is cool.
9 - Xmen 3. action packed and enjoyable. can't wait for the Wolverine movie.
10 - Mission Impossible 3. action and fun. so what if Tom is crazy, at least he ain't telling me how to vote.
so in no particular order.....
1 - Superman Returns. it's superman for the love of god. yeah the film had WAY too much romance in it (read: any) and not enough action. but it was well done and the plane rescue scene gave me goosebumps. let's hope the sequel has more action to it.
2 - Clerks 2. this movie was great. Randall continues to be one of the most awesome characters on film. i say that since i see a lot of me in him.
3 - Jackass 2. screw you holier-than-thou people who think you're "too sophisticated" to see a movie like this. it's funny. it's guys playing jokes on each other and doing wacky stunts. don't analyze, don't try and make a case for the decline of society. just laugh you bastards.
4 - Borat. it's offensive and just plain weird and yet it's hilarious.
5 - Saw 3. with the amount of boring dumbass horror films out, it's nice to see one that can still make you uncomfortable.
6 - V for Vendetta. the "v word" speech was priceless. what's great though was the sheer amount of people too stupid to know this wasn't a swipe at the Bush administration and that the best message you could've gotten from this movie is that if we're looking for someone to blame for the way things are we need only look in the mirror.
7 - Hostel. once again, nice to see a film that can make you squirm. not to mention it reminded me that i need to take a trip to the balkans.
8 - Pirates of the Caribbean 2. heh heh. pirates is cool.
9 - Xmen 3. action packed and enjoyable. can't wait for the Wolverine movie.
10 - Mission Impossible 3. action and fun. so what if Tom is crazy, at least he ain't telling me how to vote.
Sports jerks in review
There's a great article on ESPN.com about just how much sports has gone to shit this year.
the article ranges from jackasses like Terrell Owens to Barry Bonds. i'm at a loss as to who the BIGGEST one was this year.
i think the frontrunner is owens. the man just can't stand to have the news NOT be about him. what's even better is how the media loved to talk about him grabbing headlines out of one side of their mouth while shoving those same headlines down our throats with the other side of their mouths. "later tonight, our report on terrell owens shamelessly grabbing more headlines, but first our top story, terrell owens in the headlines again". so while i think he's an ego-fueled ass, i shift a good portion of the blame at the media.
there are plenty of other nominees for BIGGEST jackass. Marcus Vick, a thug who is living proof that athletic talent makes you above the system. any other black man in Virginia who gives underage girls booze then waves a gun at people in a McDonald's parking lot would be in jail. no freaking question about it. no but instead he's been handed opportunities out the ying-yang and is currently a member of the Miami Dolphins. that's justice for you.
anyways, the article is worth a look.
the article ranges from jackasses like Terrell Owens to Barry Bonds. i'm at a loss as to who the BIGGEST one was this year.
i think the frontrunner is owens. the man just can't stand to have the news NOT be about him. what's even better is how the media loved to talk about him grabbing headlines out of one side of their mouth while shoving those same headlines down our throats with the other side of their mouths. "later tonight, our report on terrell owens shamelessly grabbing more headlines, but first our top story, terrell owens in the headlines again". so while i think he's an ego-fueled ass, i shift a good portion of the blame at the media.
there are plenty of other nominees for BIGGEST jackass. Marcus Vick, a thug who is living proof that athletic talent makes you above the system. any other black man in Virginia who gives underage girls booze then waves a gun at people in a McDonald's parking lot would be in jail. no freaking question about it. no but instead he's been handed opportunities out the ying-yang and is currently a member of the Miami Dolphins. that's justice for you.
anyways, the article is worth a look.
Monday, December 25, 2006
RIP James Brown
Truly a loss for the music world. This is probably one of if not the most influential artists ever. You will be missed Godfather. some tributes.
By Eddie Murphy from SNL
A mini-movie from BMW. Badass as hell
Classic James
More Classic - Papa's Got a Brand New Bag
Living in America - from Rocky IV
By Eddie Murphy from SNL
A mini-movie from BMW. Badass as hell
Classic James
More Classic - Papa's Got a Brand New Bag
Living in America - from Rocky IV
Sunday, December 24, 2006
Back
i've decided to start blogging again. life changes have given me a need to vent and ponder things. i've found blogging remains the best way to do so. what changes?
- employment. currently i'm working as tech support for AT&T's U-Verse service. if you don't know what it is then count yourself lucky. stay away till these yahoos get their shit together. at least another year. believe it or not, the customers don't bother me in this job. in fact, i feel SORRY for the customers. more on that later.
- Carrie. months ago i got back in touch with Carrie. we've been chatting since then and it's been a really good thing for us both. We've managed to clear the air on a lot of unresolved things from our past and find some closure. the main thing that's been great about it is that i'm more sure then ever that she is in fact the one true love i'll ever have. years later i still care more about her than any woman i ever met. unfortunately it also seals my belief that sometimes, love isn't enough and that just because you're meant for someone doesn't mean you'll end up with them. it's sad but it's a fact of life. i accept it.
- gaming. with my job and school i have like no time for gaming lately. it sucks ass.
anyways, that's the update. guess i'll find something useful to post later.
- employment. currently i'm working as tech support for AT&T's U-Verse service. if you don't know what it is then count yourself lucky. stay away till these yahoos get their shit together. at least another year. believe it or not, the customers don't bother me in this job. in fact, i feel SORRY for the customers. more on that later.
- Carrie. months ago i got back in touch with Carrie. we've been chatting since then and it's been a really good thing for us both. We've managed to clear the air on a lot of unresolved things from our past and find some closure. the main thing that's been great about it is that i'm more sure then ever that she is in fact the one true love i'll ever have. years later i still care more about her than any woman i ever met. unfortunately it also seals my belief that sometimes, love isn't enough and that just because you're meant for someone doesn't mean you'll end up with them. it's sad but it's a fact of life. i accept it.
- gaming. with my job and school i have like no time for gaming lately. it sucks ass.
anyways, that's the update. guess i'll find something useful to post later.
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
Poll
Poll: Americans don't want net neutrality
this poll says 2 things. oh sure it's about americans and net neutrality, but here's what it REALLY tells us.
1 - polls are worthless. you ask 800 people a question and suddenly we've got a snapshot of how the country thinks? only a total retard would believe a poll actually says anything worth listening to.
2 - the second sentence of this article says that only 7 percent of the people polled even knew WHAT net neutrality is. this proves wizard's first rule. "people are stupid".
we've all been told that our vote is special and it makes a difference for so long that we actually believe it. news flash.... your vote isn't special. votes mean crap. also, don't let anyone ever tell you that if you don't vote you have no right to complain. time for a little perspective folks, you need to realize exactly WHAT your vote means. realize something, you don't vote for EVERY politician that's in office. so when i bitch about whack-o nutfucks like Ted Kennedy and Nancy Pelosi, guess what, i have every fucking right. i can't vote those asshats out of office. i can't get rid of all these prick judges who actually let lawyers flood our courts with bullshit lawsuits.
i know this sounds cliche, but if you ever want to make good use of the power you DO have, then you have to accept just how powerless you are. so just accept that you CAN'T change the world with a single vote. you aren't special. you're no different than any of us.
oh and do i even need to stress that you need just stop believing every and damn near ANYthing the media tells you?
this poll says 2 things. oh sure it's about americans and net neutrality, but here's what it REALLY tells us.
1 - polls are worthless. you ask 800 people a question and suddenly we've got a snapshot of how the country thinks? only a total retard would believe a poll actually says anything worth listening to.
2 - the second sentence of this article says that only 7 percent of the people polled even knew WHAT net neutrality is. this proves wizard's first rule. "people are stupid".
we've all been told that our vote is special and it makes a difference for so long that we actually believe it. news flash.... your vote isn't special. votes mean crap. also, don't let anyone ever tell you that if you don't vote you have no right to complain. time for a little perspective folks, you need to realize exactly WHAT your vote means. realize something, you don't vote for EVERY politician that's in office. so when i bitch about whack-o nutfucks like Ted Kennedy and Nancy Pelosi, guess what, i have every fucking right. i can't vote those asshats out of office. i can't get rid of all these prick judges who actually let lawyers flood our courts with bullshit lawsuits.
i know this sounds cliche, but if you ever want to make good use of the power you DO have, then you have to accept just how powerless you are. so just accept that you CAN'T change the world with a single vote. you aren't special. you're no different than any of us.
oh and do i even need to stress that you need just stop believing every and damn near ANYthing the media tells you?
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
Monday, August 07, 2006
9/11 conspiracy theorists energized
CNN.com - 9/11 conspiracy theorists energized - Aug 6, 2006
ok, someone explain this one to me. President Bush has a degree from a very prestigious university. His advisors and staff all do too. The people running the pentagon, CIA, and FBI all have degrees from universities. Yet somehow the people who buy into bullshit stories like this always proclaim how "stupid" they all are. I mean, you can't fucking turn around without a "Bush is stupid" joke. It's gotten to where those jokes now SUCK THE FUNNY FROM THE ROOM every time they're told. Horse dead, stop the beating, it no funny no more you fucking nimrods.
And thru all this we're somehow supposed to believe that just because THESE wackos have degrees that somehow adds MORE "truth" to the conspiracy theories? I'm not going to bother and ask if people are really this stupid because I already know the answer is "while not everyone is there's enough that are that it's fucking scary and I weep for this country's future"
ok, someone explain this one to me. President Bush has a degree from a very prestigious university. His advisors and staff all do too. The people running the pentagon, CIA, and FBI all have degrees from universities. Yet somehow the people who buy into bullshit stories like this always proclaim how "stupid" they all are. I mean, you can't fucking turn around without a "Bush is stupid" joke. It's gotten to where those jokes now SUCK THE FUNNY FROM THE ROOM every time they're told. Horse dead, stop the beating, it no funny no more you fucking nimrods.
And thru all this we're somehow supposed to believe that just because THESE wackos have degrees that somehow adds MORE "truth" to the conspiracy theories? I'm not going to bother and ask if people are really this stupid because I already know the answer is "while not everyone is there's enough that are that it's fucking scary and I weep for this country's future"
Saturday, August 05, 2006
Friday, August 04, 2006
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
WoW raid
WHO THE FUCK WAS THAT?!?!?!
i love this movie. the animation to go with this guy losing his damn mind is hilarious.
i love this movie. the animation to go with this guy losing his damn mind is hilarious.
Mission
I have an actual mission for the people at PETA. Instead of wasting everyone's time here by bothering college about their mascots or trying to get us to boycott KFC, maybe they can go do something about this....
i'll just give you the headline...... "50,000 dogs beaten to death in China".
see, that's how THEY handle rabies problems. none of this, kennel and euthenasia stuff WE do. they grab dogs from owners arms sometimes and beat them to death right in the street, with sticks, in front of the owners sometimes.
well what are you waiting for PETA!?!? Come on Pamela Anderson, swing your massive tits over to China and see what they have to say.
i'll just give you the headline...... "50,000 dogs beaten to death in China".
see, that's how THEY handle rabies problems. none of this, kennel and euthenasia stuff WE do. they grab dogs from owners arms sometimes and beat them to death right in the street, with sticks, in front of the owners sometimes.
well what are you waiting for PETA!?!? Come on Pamela Anderson, swing your massive tits over to China and see what they have to say.
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
Friday, July 14, 2006
what the hell?
oh my god. get this.....
Jacob Woods just wanted to play the latest N-B-A video game, but the disc he brought home from the store had nothing to do with basketball.
When the eleven-year-old Stokes County boy installed the video into his Playstation Portable, what played was a pornographic movie.
Tony Woods says the game box was sealed and wrapped when he bought it at a local Wal-Mart.
A Wal-Mart spokeswoman says the company will exchange the tape or refund the video for a new one. She says the chain will also work with the manufacturer to determine what happened.
Tony Woods says he's contacted an attorney, but also says he just wants his son to get the right video before he goes on a trip next week.
so let me see if i understand this one. this kid hits the young male JACKPOT and he runs off and tells his dad!?!?!? nice. hey dad, when you're suing Walmart, be sure to include free makeup and dresses for life in the settlement. your "son" is going to need them.
Vegas baby
KLASTV.com | News for Las Vegas, Nevada | Las Vegas Poised to Fight 'Rainbow Six Vegas'
this story is too good not to share.
basically, the city officials in Vegas are going to protest the release of the game Rainbow Six: Las Vegas. for those of you unfamiliar with the game series, you play a counter-terrorist group where you save people and such. excellent series by the way.
anyway, the Vegas mayor and such don't like that there are masked gunmen firing into crowds and explosions along the strip. they want to make it clear that the story (that's right the VIDEO GAME story) is based on a false premise. you got that? it NEVER HAPPENED for REAL.
and just to clear it up, Nicolas Cage never crashed a plane loaded with convicts into the strip either. i guess the mayor doesn't have an issue with THAT premise, but the idea that you could save innocent lives FROM the criminals against the backdrop of his city is too much for him to handle.
so once again, Las Vegas, the city that advertises around drinking, gambling, and sex..... does not want you to think a storyline about fighting terrorists in their town ever happened for real.
this story is too good not to share.
basically, the city officials in Vegas are going to protest the release of the game Rainbow Six: Las Vegas. for those of you unfamiliar with the game series, you play a counter-terrorist group where you save people and such. excellent series by the way.
anyway, the Vegas mayor and such don't like that there are masked gunmen firing into crowds and explosions along the strip. they want to make it clear that the story (that's right the VIDEO GAME story) is based on a false premise. you got that? it NEVER HAPPENED for REAL.
and just to clear it up, Nicolas Cage never crashed a plane loaded with convicts into the strip either. i guess the mayor doesn't have an issue with THAT premise, but the idea that you could save innocent lives FROM the criminals against the backdrop of his city is too much for him to handle.
so once again, Las Vegas, the city that advertises around drinking, gambling, and sex..... does not want you to think a storyline about fighting terrorists in their town ever happened for real.
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
Kevin Smith on His Superman Script - Bam! Kapow!
Kevin Smith on His Superman Script - Bam! Kapow!
i finally understand why the Kevin Smith Superman movie never happened and THANK GOD. i feel bad for Kevin. really bad. it isn't his fault. i'd have snapped a million times in his place. hollywood is a place of evil.
it's 20 minutes long but it's worth watching. you'll feel 100 million times better on how Superman Returns came out if you didn't like it.
by the way if i ever meet John Peters the movie producer, i'm beating him to death right on the street.
i finally understand why the Kevin Smith Superman movie never happened and THANK GOD. i feel bad for Kevin. really bad. it isn't his fault. i'd have snapped a million times in his place. hollywood is a place of evil.
it's 20 minutes long but it's worth watching. you'll feel 100 million times better on how Superman Returns came out if you didn't like it.
by the way if i ever meet John Peters the movie producer, i'm beating him to death right on the street.
Thursday, July 06, 2006
Chase changes
i assume y'all heard about France thinking of messing with the Chase format AGAIN. thanks Kristen for posting this on trackside (no not THAT kristin roger)
Top 10 Ways Brian France Is Considering "Changing" "The Race"
10. Changing the title to, “B. France’s Next el Conductor del Campeonato.”
9. Instead of a trophy, the winner gets to spend 5 fabulous days and nights at the France family compound.
8. If the ratings of any particular Chase race do NOT beat those of the competing NFL game, the race is declared null and void and rerun when two “more beatable” NFL teams are playing.
7. Driver and Crew Chief of each Top 10 team must switch places for at least one race during the Chase. The team that must switch will be drawn out of a hat ten minutes before the start of the race, after which the team that is drawn will no longer be included in any subsequent drawings.
6. Sealed bids will be accepted from each Top 10 car’s sponsor to determine starting order for each of the last ten races. Highest bid starts on the pole. (Checks payable to B. France)
5. All “Chase” races to be held in the market of Brian’s choosing.
4. The car of any Top 10 driver whose last name ends in “son” will be exempt from ANY NASCAR inspection during the entire Chase.
3. The first 26 races of the season will be “non-points” events, practice races if you will. THEN the “Chase” begins, with EVERYONE within 400 points of the leader!
2. For all “Chase” races, prices automatically double for everything, from tickets to hot dogs.
1. Expand “The Chase” to include 36 races….no, that won’t work! What a stupid way to determine a Champion.
Top 10 Ways Brian France Is Considering "Changing" "The Race"
10. Changing the title to, “B. France’s Next el Conductor del Campeonato.”
9. Instead of a trophy, the winner gets to spend 5 fabulous days and nights at the France family compound.
8. If the ratings of any particular Chase race do NOT beat those of the competing NFL game, the race is declared null and void and rerun when two “more beatable” NFL teams are playing.
7. Driver and Crew Chief of each Top 10 team must switch places for at least one race during the Chase. The team that must switch will be drawn out of a hat ten minutes before the start of the race, after which the team that is drawn will no longer be included in any subsequent drawings.
6. Sealed bids will be accepted from each Top 10 car’s sponsor to determine starting order for each of the last ten races. Highest bid starts on the pole. (Checks payable to B. France)
5. All “Chase” races to be held in the market of Brian’s choosing.
4. The car of any Top 10 driver whose last name ends in “son” will be exempt from ANY NASCAR inspection during the entire Chase.
3. The first 26 races of the season will be “non-points” events, practice races if you will. THEN the “Chase” begins, with EVERYONE within 400 points of the leader!
2. For all “Chase” races, prices automatically double for everything, from tickets to hot dogs.
1. Expand “The Chase” to include 36 races….no, that won’t work! What a stupid way to determine a Champion.
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
Sports Guy world cup
Sports Guy offers his thoughts on the World Cup.
this was hilarious.
8. Everyone makes fun of the flopping, and it is hideous, but it's also funny as hell. These guys drop like they were gunned down by a sniper, then they roll around for 10 seconds in absolute agony, heroically hop up and limp around to "shake it off," and within 30 seconds they're running full speed again. Even Ric Flair didn't sell pain so well. More important, it's the one thing that will keep soccer from ever, ever, ever becoming a bona fide force in this country. Americans won't stomach such dishonesty. We see right through it. No way Dwyane Wade pulls that crap; we'd never allow it. OK, bad example.
he makes a good point though. the faking injuries thing has been a REAL turnoff for Americans. allow me to shed some light on this though. one of the bonuses of knowing Josh and Robbie is the insight i've gotten on the nuances of Soccer overseas. Robbie knows everything about any sport out there and Josh has been playing the game more than half his life. So the flopping breaks down like this: it's expected. when you get hit you go down and act like your leg just snapped in half. then when you get up, you go find the guy who did it and you slide-tackle the fuck out of him. that's just how it works. do i like it? no. i think it's a total pussy way of playing. obviously most everyone in this country feels the same way.
so the final is coming up and frankly it disgusts me. is there any way that BOTH teams can lose? i just don't want France or Italy winning. i primarily rooted the US to win. patriotism. after them i went for England and Spain. England because i jumped on the bandwagon from being around Josh and Robbie. Hey, i'm new to the sport so i just went for what my friends did. Hell, before i became a Texans fan i would root for the Raiders, Bills, and Patriots thanks to Roger my Dad and Mike Kelly. I rooted for Spain since it's in my family heritage and for my good friend Yolanda.
oh well. maybe next time. 4 years......
this was hilarious.
8. Everyone makes fun of the flopping, and it is hideous, but it's also funny as hell. These guys drop like they were gunned down by a sniper, then they roll around for 10 seconds in absolute agony, heroically hop up and limp around to "shake it off," and within 30 seconds they're running full speed again. Even Ric Flair didn't sell pain so well. More important, it's the one thing that will keep soccer from ever, ever, ever becoming a bona fide force in this country. Americans won't stomach such dishonesty. We see right through it. No way Dwyane Wade pulls that crap; we'd never allow it. OK, bad example.
he makes a good point though. the faking injuries thing has been a REAL turnoff for Americans. allow me to shed some light on this though. one of the bonuses of knowing Josh and Robbie is the insight i've gotten on the nuances of Soccer overseas. Robbie knows everything about any sport out there and Josh has been playing the game more than half his life. So the flopping breaks down like this: it's expected. when you get hit you go down and act like your leg just snapped in half. then when you get up, you go find the guy who did it and you slide-tackle the fuck out of him. that's just how it works. do i like it? no. i think it's a total pussy way of playing. obviously most everyone in this country feels the same way.
so the final is coming up and frankly it disgusts me. is there any way that BOTH teams can lose? i just don't want France or Italy winning. i primarily rooted the US to win. patriotism. after them i went for England and Spain. England because i jumped on the bandwagon from being around Josh and Robbie. Hey, i'm new to the sport so i just went for what my friends did. Hell, before i became a Texans fan i would root for the Raiders, Bills, and Patriots thanks to Roger my Dad and Mike Kelly. I rooted for Spain since it's in my family heritage and for my good friend Yolanda.
oh well. maybe next time. 4 years......
Monday, July 03, 2006
ye olde blog
i've read a few reviews of Superman Returns . mostly good. some not so. that doesn't bother me, what DOES bother me is these idiots who are knit-fucking-picky as hell about plot and character stuff. for example.... (warning, spoilers ahead)
- the kid. so we got people wondering why the kid wasn't leaping tall buildings and flinging cars like dear old dad. ok let me clear this up. superman doesn't have a freaking kid in the comics. meaning.... THERE ARE NO "RULES" TO HOW HIS SPAWN WOULD DEVELOP!!!! especially not one that's half-human. maybe not all superman's powers transfer..... maybe the kid needs more sun..... maybe kryptonite has no effect on the kid..... maybe kryptonite charges his powers..... WHO THE FUCK KNOWS?!?!? these nimrods act like there's established continuity.
- Clark Kent returns. so why doesn't anyone notice Clark and Superman return around the same time? well, it's pretty simple. nobody noticed because nobody cares. The whole reason a simple disguise like a pair of glasses works is because nobody looks for Superman to be disguised as a mere mortal. you saw Lois and Richard laugh at the IDEA that Clark was Superman.
there was one plot observation that i kinda have to agree with. Lex's land scheme. Sinking the entire continental United States would have a pretty SIGNIFICANT effect on the world's economy wouldn't you agree? Something tells me Lex might find his land not quite worth as much as he hopes when there ain't no money to pay with.
- the kid. so we got people wondering why the kid wasn't leaping tall buildings and flinging cars like dear old dad. ok let me clear this up. superman doesn't have a freaking kid in the comics. meaning.... THERE ARE NO "RULES" TO HOW HIS SPAWN WOULD DEVELOP!!!! especially not one that's half-human. maybe not all superman's powers transfer..... maybe the kid needs more sun..... maybe kryptonite has no effect on the kid..... maybe kryptonite charges his powers..... WHO THE FUCK KNOWS?!?!? these nimrods act like there's established continuity.
- Clark Kent returns. so why doesn't anyone notice Clark and Superman return around the same time? well, it's pretty simple. nobody noticed because nobody cares. The whole reason a simple disguise like a pair of glasses works is because nobody looks for Superman to be disguised as a mere mortal. you saw Lois and Richard laugh at the IDEA that Clark was Superman.
there was one plot observation that i kinda have to agree with. Lex's land scheme. Sinking the entire continental United States would have a pretty SIGNIFICANT effect on the world's economy wouldn't you agree? Something tells me Lex might find his land not quite worth as much as he hopes when there ain't no money to pay with.
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
Review
Someone braver (or dumber) than me went and saw "The Break Up". i love this review.
Despite being one of the worst reviewed movies of the summer so far (with only a 32 percent approval on rotten tomatoes) 'the Break Up' scored a respectable opening weekend, pulling in 38 million dollars and finishing number 1 at the box office. 'X Men 3' follwed its record breaking 107 million dollar opening last week with another 34 million over the weekend, bringing its total to 176 million in just 9 days. 'The Break Up' will almost certainly never hit those kind of numbers. Seriously. God damn that thing was boring. After about 30 minutes I forgot I was even watching a movie. It's like staring at an aquarium for two hours.
Despite being one of the worst reviewed movies of the summer so far (with only a 32 percent approval on rotten tomatoes) 'the Break Up' scored a respectable opening weekend, pulling in 38 million dollars and finishing number 1 at the box office. 'X Men 3' follwed its record breaking 107 million dollar opening last week with another 34 million over the weekend, bringing its total to 176 million in just 9 days. 'The Break Up' will almost certainly never hit those kind of numbers. Seriously. God damn that thing was boring. After about 30 minutes I forgot I was even watching a movie. It's like staring at an aquarium for two hours.
Friday, June 02, 2006
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
Sunday, May 28, 2006
go away
Bonds just hit 715. can he FINALLY just retire and go away now? i'm so fucking sick of hearing about this asshole.
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
Mac-PC debate
you've seen those commercials where the Mac tries and show that it's younger and hip and better compared to the old guy? Mac can read this comic and suck it. (click comic to enlarge)
Comedy
Since i returned back to states in October of 04, i've seen quite a few comedy acts. Some with Josh and Robbie. I've seen.....
- George Carlin
- Carlos Mencia
- Robert Schimmel
- Dave Chappelle
We also have tickets to see.....
- in June, Lewis Black
- in August, Ron White
me like funny.
- George Carlin
- Carlos Mencia
- Robert Schimmel
- Dave Chappelle
We also have tickets to see.....
- in June, Lewis Black
- in August, Ron White
me like funny.
Monday, May 22, 2006
24 finale
I hated it. only because i can't STAND how this show shits all over Jack nonstop. don't get me wrong, there isn't a better show on TV, and this was a totally awesome season, but COME ON!!!!!! give Jack a fucking break!!!!!!
Weekend trip
Went to New Orleans this weekend with my family to meet up with my sister. She's in the area working for Americorp. They're helping the long term recovery efforts.
whoever designed the layout and the street design needs to be fucking shot. a lot. in the stomach and left to die. it's like D.C. getting around is a nightmare. the town is like D.C. in other ways that make it a total waste but i'm not going to go into them.
the cherry on the cake was seeing that the morons in the city actually reelected that scumbag Nagin.
let me make this clear...... from here on out, whatever that town gets, it DESERVES. when you let the race card trump common sense, you're ASKING to get screwed. so when another hurricane comes and finishes the job, i'm going to laugh long and loud.
whoever designed the layout and the street design needs to be fucking shot. a lot. in the stomach and left to die. it's like D.C. getting around is a nightmare. the town is like D.C. in other ways that make it a total waste but i'm not going to go into them.
the cherry on the cake was seeing that the morons in the city actually reelected that scumbag Nagin.
let me make this clear...... from here on out, whatever that town gets, it DESERVES. when you let the race card trump common sense, you're ASKING to get screwed. so when another hurricane comes and finishes the job, i'm going to laugh long and loud.
Thursday, May 18, 2006
New shows
Fox just announced their newest lineups. As well as returning shows. Mostly a lot of crap. glad to see 24, Family Guy, and Simpsons returning. the rest can go f themselves.
Returning: 24, American Dad, American Idol, America's Most Wanted: America Strikes Back, Bones, Cops, Family Guy, House, King of the Hill, The Loop, MADtv, Nanny 911, The O.C., Prison Break, The Simpsons, Trading Spouses: Meet your new Mommy, The War at Home.
Some new shows are coming and quite frankly they all look like crap. Well, except for one. This one actually seems watchable.
Duets: Simon Cowell strikes again. He's producing a reality contest where professional singers pair with amateurs to sing duets and win money for charity. Of course, viewers get to vote by phone.
Why would i want to watch this? I'm going to find a place to thrown down bets on which "pro" loses it and goes off on the poor shmuck they get paired with. Because you know that's why Fox is hoping for.
Returning: 24, American Dad, American Idol, America's Most Wanted: America Strikes Back, Bones, Cops, Family Guy, House, King of the Hill, The Loop, MADtv, Nanny 911, The O.C., Prison Break, The Simpsons, Trading Spouses: Meet your new Mommy, The War at Home.
Some new shows are coming and quite frankly they all look like crap. Well, except for one. This one actually seems watchable.
Duets: Simon Cowell strikes again. He's producing a reality contest where professional singers pair with amateurs to sing duets and win money for charity. Of course, viewers get to vote by phone.
Why would i want to watch this? I'm going to find a place to thrown down bets on which "pro" loses it and goes off on the poor shmuck they get paired with. Because you know that's why Fox is hoping for.
Wednesday, May 17, 2006
tv venting
Ok so i had the TV on last night while i was working on some homework. Boston Legal came on. couple things..... one, i have never seen this show but i have a grudge against it. 24 got ROYALLY screwed out of an Emmy award by them. yeah yeah, i know the Emmys are a sham, but i really really hate when shows get snubbed. second.... i like William Shatner. he's great. so i figured i owed the show a chance.
i promptly regretted it all.
my first question, which as a rabid 24 fan i ask very loudly: HOW IN THE 7 LEVELS OF HELL DID THIS FUCKING SHOW GET CLASSIFIED AS A DRAMA!?!?!?!?!? IT'S ALLY MCBEAL!!!!
so not only did Keifer Sutherland get dicked over, he got dicked over by someone he never should have been competing against.
i promptly regretted it all.
my first question, which as a rabid 24 fan i ask very loudly: HOW IN THE 7 LEVELS OF HELL DID THIS FUCKING SHOW GET CLASSIFIED AS A DRAMA!?!?!?!?!? IT'S ALLY MCBEAL!!!!
so not only did Keifer Sutherland get dicked over, he got dicked over by someone he never should have been competing against.
no way
This has got to be a joke.
basically, the article says that Sony and other companies planning to make the Blu-Ray discs are planning on building a feature into the PLAYERS that makes it so you have to keep it connected online and if any discs that aren't coded properly (aka: discs you got raped in cost from the store) then they can send a "self-destruct" code to your player and shut it down rendering it useless.
i thought the object of a business is to make people WANT to buy your product. they might as well ship an electrified collar you must keep fastened around your neck that emits periodic shocks for the player to work. i gotta tell ya, between this kind of shit and the highway robbery prices of the PS3 we could be looking at the begining of the end for Sony.
The question is, will Microsoft jump at the chance to win a bigger share of the market or will they enact similar measures to "combat piracy" and alienate potential customers?
basically, the article says that Sony and other companies planning to make the Blu-Ray discs are planning on building a feature into the PLAYERS that makes it so you have to keep it connected online and if any discs that aren't coded properly (aka: discs you got raped in cost from the store) then they can send a "self-destruct" code to your player and shut it down rendering it useless.
i thought the object of a business is to make people WANT to buy your product. they might as well ship an electrified collar you must keep fastened around your neck that emits periodic shocks for the player to work. i gotta tell ya, between this kind of shit and the highway robbery prices of the PS3 we could be looking at the begining of the end for Sony.
The question is, will Microsoft jump at the chance to win a bigger share of the market or will they enact similar measures to "combat piracy" and alienate potential customers?
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
learning something every day
my grandmother is in town and while we were driving to meet my mom for lunch i learned that on my mother's side i'm 5th generation american. which is to say my grandmother's grandfather was born here in the U.S. on my father's side i'm 1st generation technically. he was born in spain a Spaniard and adopted by my grandfather who was stationed there in the air force at the time.
with all the immigration talk, i had always wondered how far back my mom's side was native to the U.S.
and knowing is half the battle!!!!
with all the immigration talk, i had always wondered how far back my mom's side was native to the U.S.
and knowing is half the battle!!!!
Sunday, May 14, 2006
Laugh at Sony
get what one of the Sony executives is recommending......
GamePro sat down with Sony Computer Entertainment executive Phil Harrison at E3 earlier this week, where he re-iterated a sentiment made by Microsoft's Corporate Vice President of Interactive Entertainment Peter Moore, where he said that buyers of of a next-generation console should also buy Nintendo's Wii system.
riiiiiight..... cuz if we get stupid and blow the $700 or so for a PS3 and a game we're going to have PLENTY of cash to grab a Wii.
at this point i can't tell if Sony has gone totally bonkers or if their ego has gone out of control. either way Microsoft is laughing their asses off.
GamePro sat down with Sony Computer Entertainment executive Phil Harrison at E3 earlier this week, where he re-iterated a sentiment made by Microsoft's Corporate Vice President of Interactive Entertainment Peter Moore, where he said that buyers of of a next-generation console should also buy Nintendo's Wii system.
riiiiiight..... cuz if we get stupid and blow the $700 or so for a PS3 and a game we're going to have PLENTY of cash to grab a Wii.
at this point i can't tell if Sony has gone totally bonkers or if their ego has gone out of control. either way Microsoft is laughing their asses off.
Saturday, May 13, 2006
Autographs
for all you autograph hounds out there. someone composed a list of the "best" and "worst" celebs to seek a signature from.
check it out.
the best? johnny depp.
the worst? cameron diaz.
check it out.
the best? johnny depp.
the worst? cameron diaz.
what a dumbass
Storytime kids.....
last night Josh and i were driving to Hooters. we pulled up to a light and in front of the car in front of us was some dude on a crotch rocket. he was trying to show off for the guy in the car next to him. burned his tires in-place. the car did the same. then suddenly i saw his bike jump up on him in a wheelie or something and then the jackass fell over. i laughed my ass off. the guy in car got out and helped him up and helped pick up the pieces of his bike that broke off. josh and i drove off yelling "nice job moron!!!" out the window.
last night Josh and i were driving to Hooters. we pulled up to a light and in front of the car in front of us was some dude on a crotch rocket. he was trying to show off for the guy in the car next to him. burned his tires in-place. the car did the same. then suddenly i saw his bike jump up on him in a wheelie or something and then the jackass fell over. i laughed my ass off. the guy in car got out and helped him up and helped pick up the pieces of his bike that broke off. josh and i drove off yelling "nice job moron!!!" out the window.
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
Sunday, May 07, 2006
Simpsons and stuff
I love the simpsons. it's a top 5 on the list of greatest TV shows ever. but...... i've actually found sometihng that i've officially gotten tired of. to the point of if i see it in another episode i'm not watching it.
the break-up make-up plots between Homer and Marge.
i'm sorry but they just aren't funny anymore. it's crappy writing, lazy, sappy, and just really really not entertaining. come to think of it, none of them ever really were. Homer and Marge's relationship issues have actually always been the weakest part of the show. sure they make for some great moments but it's a lot of unfunny to have to sit thru to get some funny. i dunno. am i alone here in thinking this?
anyways, something else in the entertainment department. star wars. lucas just announced he'll be releasing the original trilogy on DVD unedited. so now han can shoot first. the funny part is, the SECOND i read this i told myself "i'll bet anything people will STILL bitch about it." leave it the jackasses at IGN, aintitcoolnews, PvP, and Comingsoon to prove me right. all of them were like "wow exciting, but i still feel like Lucas is stealing my money, etc...." see, this is the reason i'm not really DEEP into geek culture. i'm geek enough to be a hard gamer, and hold my own on a forum, but by no means do i consider myself a "geek" anymore. i refuse to be in the same boat with these morons who sit around bashing any form of authority, complain to high hell about game/movie prices while continuing to spend money on them. then they sit and wonder why nobody respects gamers and sci-fi geeks.
the break-up make-up plots between Homer and Marge.
i'm sorry but they just aren't funny anymore. it's crappy writing, lazy, sappy, and just really really not entertaining. come to think of it, none of them ever really were. Homer and Marge's relationship issues have actually always been the weakest part of the show. sure they make for some great moments but it's a lot of unfunny to have to sit thru to get some funny. i dunno. am i alone here in thinking this?
anyways, something else in the entertainment department. star wars. lucas just announced he'll be releasing the original trilogy on DVD unedited. so now han can shoot first. the funny part is, the SECOND i read this i told myself "i'll bet anything people will STILL bitch about it." leave it the jackasses at IGN, aintitcoolnews, PvP, and Comingsoon to prove me right. all of them were like "wow exciting, but i still feel like Lucas is stealing my money, etc...." see, this is the reason i'm not really DEEP into geek culture. i'm geek enough to be a hard gamer, and hold my own on a forum, but by no means do i consider myself a "geek" anymore. i refuse to be in the same boat with these morons who sit around bashing any form of authority, complain to high hell about game/movie prices while continuing to spend money on them. then they sit and wonder why nobody respects gamers and sci-fi geeks.
MLB goes wussie
To honor a holiday most of us couldn't give a shit about, Cinco de Mayo, the Texas Rangers wore uniforms that said "Los Rangers" on them.
you gotta be fucking kidding me.
report from Michelle Malkin
i loved this comment from one of her readers.
I understand that just for last night's game, stolen bases were known as "undocumented bases", and no one was allowed to be thrown out.
you gotta be fucking kidding me.
report from Michelle Malkin
i loved this comment from one of her readers.
I understand that just for last night's game, stolen bases were known as "undocumented bases", and no one was allowed to be thrown out.
Jr wins
Hells yeah!!!!
i thought he was going to have to settle for second the way Harvick was running. In the end though my boy came thru. This was a good sight to see.
Friday, May 05, 2006
Mission Impossible 3 review
It was a good movie. lots of action and tension. i can see the "Alias" influence from the director. Josh asked if the action was better than the others. I answered yes and no. it's hard to compare the 3 movies since they all had unique styles to them. I mean, it's hard to compare anything to John Woo's work. the man knows how to do action.
So anyway, it was a great movie. i recommend you go see it.
Now begins my favorite "time of the year" the summer movie season. once a movie buff always a movie buff.
So anyway, it was a great movie. i recommend you go see it.
Now begins my favorite "time of the year" the summer movie season. once a movie buff always a movie buff.
Thursday, May 04, 2006
uncle jimmy
i'm an uncle again. Congrats to Roger and Sharlyn on the birth of Colton Dale Larew. everyone is doing fine.
Wednesday, May 03, 2006
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
Supertrailer
Just downloaded the theatrical trailer for Superman Returns. It'll be in theaters with Mission Impossible 3 this weekend. by the way, i don't care how batshit crazy Cruise is, i'm going to go see his movie. i love his movies. he can be as coo coo as he likes as long as he makes entertaining pictures and isn't telling me how to vote i'm cool.
anyway, the trailer. awesome. Kevin Spacey is going to own the Lex Luthor role from now on, i can tell. Bye bye Gene Hackman.
I don't know how to feel about this movie. i instinctively hate comic book and video game movies. it's just because i know that Hollywood doesn't respect either medium to treat it seriously. they hire douchbags like that asswipe Uwe Boll to make the movies not caring if they get treated seriously or not. Look at the first 4 Batman movies. you have to know jack shit about the comic to actually think any of those movies were remotely good. Batman Begins is the only reason i have the slightest hope for the new Superman Movie.
anyways, judge for yourself on the trailer.
anyway, the trailer. awesome. Kevin Spacey is going to own the Lex Luthor role from now on, i can tell. Bye bye Gene Hackman.
I don't know how to feel about this movie. i instinctively hate comic book and video game movies. it's just because i know that Hollywood doesn't respect either medium to treat it seriously. they hire douchbags like that asswipe Uwe Boll to make the movies not caring if they get treated seriously or not. Look at the first 4 Batman movies. you have to know jack shit about the comic to actually think any of those movies were remotely good. Batman Begins is the only reason i have the slightest hope for the new Superman Movie.
anyways, judge for yourself on the trailer.
headlines
Headlines from the year 2029!
Baby conceived naturally - - scientists stumped.
Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.
Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.
France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica.
Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.
George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 036.
Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.
85-year, $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise is the key to weight loss.
Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.
Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.
Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.
Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.
Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.
IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.
Florida voters still having trouble with voting machines.
Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia, formerly known as California.
White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language.
Baby conceived naturally - - scientists stumped.
Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.
Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.
France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica.
Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.
George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 036.
Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.
85-year, $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise is the key to weight loss.
Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.
Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.
Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.
Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.
Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.
IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.
Florida voters still having trouble with voting machines.
Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia, formerly known as California.
White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language.
F Vick
this is as bullshit as it gets. Marcus Vick will get a tryout at the Miami Dolphins mini-camp.
Nice. That really sends a great message. It's cool to liquor up teenage girls and wave guns in people's faces as long as you have some athletic ability.
This stupid country.
Nice. That really sends a great message. It's cool to liquor up teenage girls and wave guns in people's faces as long as you have some athletic ability.
This stupid country.
Monday, May 01, 2006
Immigrants
Let's get something straight first: my father is an immigrant. he wasn't born in this country. I was born in El Paso Texas. I'm of Hispanic origin. I'm not MEXICAN-AMERICAN. i'm an American. i don't have dual-citizenship and neither do the rest of you dumbasses who were born here and try tell people you're (nation)-American. You're American. Get over it.
So let's talk about this "walkout" today. The idea was to show the rest of America that somehow we're a crippled nation without 12 million criminals doing whatever they fucking please. fine. one problem..... you aren't taking this to the logical conclusion nor are you being 100% honest. that's why i'm here to help you out.
- let's start with the walkout. the idea was to show what would happen if we were lacking ILLEGAL immigrants and yet we had legal immigrants walking out too. so that's basically like saying we wanted to test the knowledge of all 4th grade students in the school and the 5th and 6th grade throw their scores into the mix "to show support". it doesn't really give an accurate count of what were were supposed to be testing for does it?
- that brings me to the most insulting part of this whole arguement. it isn't JUST the idea that these people overestimate their value. it's that they want us all to believe that they're only bringing GOOD things to the table. they want us to just skip over the details. things like crime, economic leeching, social invasion, and overcrowding. what do i mean? well, if we're going to have a day that shows the country MINUS illegal immigrants then are we going to subtract EVERYTHING they impact? yeah yeah they do shit jobs most of us wouldn't enjoy. how noble. HOWEVER..... are we also going to have a day WITHOUT them stealing our cars? breaking into our homes? are they going to leave the drugs at the border for a day? Are they going to leave our prisons so out tax dollars go towards something else? What about our hospitals? Do we get to deny them treatment all day so we can treat LEGAL citizens and maybe bring down health care costs some? Are they going to stay off our roads so they don't wreck our cars while driving without licences or insurance so we can maybe pay smaller premiums? How bout our schools? Do we get to kick them out so teachers in south Texas only have to worry about teaching in ENGLISH? Come on you guys, answer me. You started this day. In for a penny, in for a pound.
- the bottom line is, why should we treat these people special? they seem to think they're above the laws of this country. somehow cooking food and mowing lawns makes you SO important that you should be able to do whatever the fuck you like. These people are not special nor are they irreplacable. Need someone to do the lawns? Here's a novel idea: how about you kick some of these lazy fucking kids off the net and out of the mall and make them *gasp* do some manual fucking labor for a change. Little Johnny could use some time away from MySpace and learn to get his hands dirty. So we lose a few resturaunts because there's no cooks? big fucking deal. here's another shocking idea..... try sitting down with your family and having dinner together. It ain't going to kill us to eat at home, and this is coming from a guy who eats fast food all the fucking time.
- This bill in Congress isn't the answer. They want to make it MORE illegal to do something these illegals are already doing. Our prisons are crowded enough. You want to dry up the flow of aliens? Start throwing these jackasses who EMPLOY them in jail. I guaren-damn-tee that when these factory owners spend a few months tossing salads in Chino, work is going to become harder to come by for illegals.
So let's talk about this "walkout" today. The idea was to show the rest of America that somehow we're a crippled nation without 12 million criminals doing whatever they fucking please. fine. one problem..... you aren't taking this to the logical conclusion nor are you being 100% honest. that's why i'm here to help you out.
- let's start with the walkout. the idea was to show what would happen if we were lacking ILLEGAL immigrants and yet we had legal immigrants walking out too. so that's basically like saying we wanted to test the knowledge of all 4th grade students in the school and the 5th and 6th grade throw their scores into the mix "to show support". it doesn't really give an accurate count of what were were supposed to be testing for does it?
- that brings me to the most insulting part of this whole arguement. it isn't JUST the idea that these people overestimate their value. it's that they want us all to believe that they're only bringing GOOD things to the table. they want us to just skip over the details. things like crime, economic leeching, social invasion, and overcrowding. what do i mean? well, if we're going to have a day that shows the country MINUS illegal immigrants then are we going to subtract EVERYTHING they impact? yeah yeah they do shit jobs most of us wouldn't enjoy. how noble. HOWEVER..... are we also going to have a day WITHOUT them stealing our cars? breaking into our homes? are they going to leave the drugs at the border for a day? Are they going to leave our prisons so out tax dollars go towards something else? What about our hospitals? Do we get to deny them treatment all day so we can treat LEGAL citizens and maybe bring down health care costs some? Are they going to stay off our roads so they don't wreck our cars while driving without licences or insurance so we can maybe pay smaller premiums? How bout our schools? Do we get to kick them out so teachers in south Texas only have to worry about teaching in ENGLISH? Come on you guys, answer me. You started this day. In for a penny, in for a pound.
- the bottom line is, why should we treat these people special? they seem to think they're above the laws of this country. somehow cooking food and mowing lawns makes you SO important that you should be able to do whatever the fuck you like. These people are not special nor are they irreplacable. Need someone to do the lawns? Here's a novel idea: how about you kick some of these lazy fucking kids off the net and out of the mall and make them *gasp* do some manual fucking labor for a change. Little Johnny could use some time away from MySpace and learn to get his hands dirty. So we lose a few resturaunts because there's no cooks? big fucking deal. here's another shocking idea..... try sitting down with your family and having dinner together. It ain't going to kill us to eat at home, and this is coming from a guy who eats fast food all the fucking time.
- This bill in Congress isn't the answer. They want to make it MORE illegal to do something these illegals are already doing. Our prisons are crowded enough. You want to dry up the flow of aliens? Start throwing these jackasses who EMPLOY them in jail. I guaren-damn-tee that when these factory owners spend a few months tossing salads in Chino, work is going to become harder to come by for illegals.
Thursday, April 20, 2006
ugh
Is there any way (legal or illegal at this point) we can rise up and find a way to keep Sierra Mist commercials from airing? I can’t take these dumbass things anymore. I’m almost at the “angry loner sitting at home alone sharpening a knife talking to god on a HAM radio” phase. Between those, the Church’s chicken orgasm commercial, and the creepy burger king ones I’m going to snap.
*sigh*
Ok I’m better.
Sunday, April 16, 2006
Monday, April 10, 2006
commercial
have you seen the commercial for Subway with Jon Lovitz? holy shit that's fucking hilarious.
Wednesday, April 05, 2006
pathetic
Dateline NBC is filled with a bunch of douchbags. i already knew it, and now NASCAR knows it.
They're currently pissed about a segment NBC did where they basically tried to find anti-muslim sentiment at a race in Martinsville.
They're currently pissed about a segment NBC did where they basically tried to find anti-muslim sentiment at a race in Martinsville.
"'Dateline' is looking into this story," NBC said in a statement. "We were intrigued by the results of a recent Washington Post/ABC News poll and other articles regarding increasing anti-Muslim sentiments in the United States.
"It's very early on in our newsgathering process, but be assured we will be visiting a number of locations across the country and are confident that our reporting team is pursuing this story in a fair manner," it said.
right. ok well while you're being fair there NBC can you do be a favor and swing into Compton over in California and do a check on the anti-white or anti-police feelings in that group of people? hate is around and it can be found anywhere in any group of people if you know where to look. so stop fucking patting yourself on the fucking back just because you found a snowball in the arctic.
told you so
what did i tell you?
i TOLD you a few posts back that MLB was only going to give Jessie Jackson ammo by going after Bonds. he took the bait and yesterday's syringe incident was the flame to ignite the gunpowder.
"For some people, it's about suspicion of drug use because they have no proof. For others, it's a cover for other anger that they have," Jackson said. "For example, the closer Hank Aaron got to Babe Ruth's record, the more violence and hate mail he received."
oh and don't even get me started on THIS gem of a quote.
"There is no indication that he was hit," San Diego Police Department spokesman Dave Cohen said, adding that no arrests were made and police are not investigating. The person who allegedly threw the syringe was gone when police arrived, Cohen said.
excuse me? did you just say UNACCEPTABLE? as if to imply MLB and the San Diego Police have to run all their security decisions by you for YOUR approval?
if there was any justice in this life, we would get at least one CEO or Commisioner or person-in-charge who would stop entertaining this cocksmoker's attempts to bully white people into submission and just flat out say "fuck you Jessie Jackson. we don't care what you think. you're going to call racism no matter what the facts are so just go find some other place to extort money and get your name in the news." is it too much to ask for one guy in a suit to grow some balls? i guess so.
i TOLD you a few posts back that MLB was only going to give Jessie Jackson ammo by going after Bonds. he took the bait and yesterday's syringe incident was the flame to ignite the gunpowder.
"For some people, it's about suspicion of drug use because they have no proof. For others, it's a cover for other anger that they have," Jackson said. "For example, the closer Hank Aaron got to Babe Ruth's record, the more violence and hate mail he received."
oh and don't even get me started on THIS gem of a quote.
"There is no indication that he was hit," San Diego Police Department spokesman Dave Cohen said, adding that no arrests were made and police are not investigating. The person who allegedly threw the syringe was gone when police arrived, Cohen said.
Jackson disagreed with the decision not to investigate.
"That's unacceptable," he said. "He deserves another level of security."
excuse me? did you just say UNACCEPTABLE? as if to imply MLB and the San Diego Police have to run all their security decisions by you for YOUR approval?
if there was any justice in this life, we would get at least one CEO or Commisioner or person-in-charge who would stop entertaining this cocksmoker's attempts to bully white people into submission and just flat out say "fuck you Jessie Jackson. we don't care what you think. you're going to call racism no matter what the facts are so just go find some other place to extort money and get your name in the news." is it too much to ask for one guy in a suit to grow some balls? i guess so.
Monday, April 03, 2006
lawbots
When lawbots attack!!!
long story short, Blizzard and other groups are using automated computer programs to sweep the net looking for possible copyright infringements. When spotted these lawbots unleash a devious attack of threats of litigation, legal notices, and other things. So basically, we now have computers enforcing our laws.
I know this sounds like an angry geek but seriously, think about the ramifications of this and wonder if something you post online some day might have a computer program threatening to take you to court.
Black White
no i didn't watch the show. that just ain't going to happen. i just wanted to point something out about it.
so far the only impact i've been able to notice is that this TV show has now made it "OK" to revive blackface. just in this past week i've watched David Spade and Greg Giraldo both do it.
with hilarious results.
so far the only impact i've been able to notice is that this TV show has now made it "OK" to revive blackface. just in this past week i've watched David Spade and Greg Giraldo both do it.
with hilarious results.
Friday, March 31, 2006
Fallen war hero
Medal of Honor recipient, David Bleak died.
this guy is a big time badass.
The Army's description of his actions on June 14, 1952, said Bleak killed two of the enemy with his bare hands and a third with his trench knife, and then shielded a comrade from the impact of a grenade that had fallen near the man's helmet.
this guy is a big time badass.
The Army's description of his actions on June 14, 1952, said Bleak killed two of the enemy with his bare hands and a third with his trench knife, and then shielded a comrade from the impact of a grenade that had fallen near the man's helmet.
Though he was wounded in the leg, Bleak began to carry the injured soldier, the medal citation said. Attacked by two enemy soldiers with bayonets, "he grabbed them and smacked their heads together, then carried his helpless comrade down the hill to safety."
blah blah blah
been a while since i'm posted anything. so i'll just throw random thoughts up.
- what the hell is going on with sports now? is there some kind of secret contest going on among the heads of the NBA, NFL, MLB, and NASCAR on who can be the biggest douchebag?? NASCAR fining Gordon, NFL now banning TD celebrations, NBA to get rid of players wearing tights, and this MLB steroid bullshit...... seriously, what the fuck is going on?
- first the NASCAR fine thing. i guess Helton and France won't be happy till they've stomped every last ounce of emotion out of the sport. next comes the banning of burnouts and spraying beer/gatorade in victory lane. win the race, thank the sponsors, and go home from now on. i honestly think the drivers should all get together and one weekend they should ALL just act like robots in EVERY interview. (kenseth can coach them) they can just give simple and short answers and show NO emotion at all. then at the end of it Jr or Gordon can tell everyone, "see folks, this is where the sport is heading. we decided to give you a sneak preview. if you didn't like it i suggest you take it up with Helton and France."
- next the NFL. limiting TD celebrations??? great, now the NFL is starting to take itself too seriously. let's get something straight guys, you are ENTERTAINMENT, that is what you are first. yeah yeah, role models, whatever. you're running an entertainment organization just accept it and stop trying to get rid of the entertainment we get from TD celebrations.
- NBA is going to get rid of tights. one question. WHY!?!? who fucking cares? is this a fashion thing? are you guys still trying to convince us you're some kind of "classy" league? i would think you'd jump at the chance to market yet MORE clothes to the public.
- so now the steroid scandal has reached a head. the investigations begin. at this point it is officially "too much, too late". you might have had a chance in hell of convincing me or any other person that you HONESTLY care about steroid abuse if you had started this back when McGuire and Sosa were tearing it up. why didn't you? oh yeah that's right, you saw that people were starting to watch again and you didn't want to derail the gravy train. duh stupid me. oh and thanks for giving Jessie Jackson some ammo to fire by going after Bonds. countdown to "oh so we just want to protect a WHITE man's record from being broken by a BLACK man".... 5...4...3...
- i don't know why, but i always feel guilty when i walk out of a barber shop and put my hat back on. yeah i know i walked in with a hat, i always wear a hat, so there's no reason i should feel bad. for some resaon i always do though. i kinda feel like i'm flipping off the barber.
- Blazing Angels on Xbox360..... sweet game.
- one of my teachers at school actually thinks it isn't a stretch to compare the current administration's actions to Nazi Germany. he threw Guantanamo out as if it was proof. yeah, cuz we're just rounding up everyone with arabic sounding names off the streets of the US and throwing them in; women, children, everyone. oh no wait WE AREN'T. we're rounding up MEN who are in AFGHANISTAN and IRAQ and are busy FIGHTING US. gee how could i not see the comparison? tell you what, if you can go convince someone who lived in Germany during WW2 that it's the same then i'll buy your story. until then, you're making light of the horrors of what happened back then and showing what an incredible JACKASS you are. we've made it abundantly clear to him to steer clear of politics in future discussions. guess he's used to teaching teenage robots who believe everything MTV tells them.
- what the hell is going on with sports now? is there some kind of secret contest going on among the heads of the NBA, NFL, MLB, and NASCAR on who can be the biggest douchebag?? NASCAR fining Gordon, NFL now banning TD celebrations, NBA to get rid of players wearing tights, and this MLB steroid bullshit...... seriously, what the fuck is going on?
- first the NASCAR fine thing. i guess Helton and France won't be happy till they've stomped every last ounce of emotion out of the sport. next comes the banning of burnouts and spraying beer/gatorade in victory lane. win the race, thank the sponsors, and go home from now on. i honestly think the drivers should all get together and one weekend they should ALL just act like robots in EVERY interview. (kenseth can coach them) they can just give simple and short answers and show NO emotion at all. then at the end of it Jr or Gordon can tell everyone, "see folks, this is where the sport is heading. we decided to give you a sneak preview. if you didn't like it i suggest you take it up with Helton and France."
- next the NFL. limiting TD celebrations??? great, now the NFL is starting to take itself too seriously. let's get something straight guys, you are ENTERTAINMENT, that is what you are first. yeah yeah, role models, whatever. you're running an entertainment organization just accept it and stop trying to get rid of the entertainment we get from TD celebrations.
- NBA is going to get rid of tights. one question. WHY!?!? who fucking cares? is this a fashion thing? are you guys still trying to convince us you're some kind of "classy" league? i would think you'd jump at the chance to market yet MORE clothes to the public.
- so now the steroid scandal has reached a head. the investigations begin. at this point it is officially "too much, too late". you might have had a chance in hell of convincing me or any other person that you HONESTLY care about steroid abuse if you had started this back when McGuire and Sosa were tearing it up. why didn't you? oh yeah that's right, you saw that people were starting to watch again and you didn't want to derail the gravy train. duh stupid me. oh and thanks for giving Jessie Jackson some ammo to fire by going after Bonds. countdown to "oh so we just want to protect a WHITE man's record from being broken by a BLACK man".... 5...4...3...
- i don't know why, but i always feel guilty when i walk out of a barber shop and put my hat back on. yeah i know i walked in with a hat, i always wear a hat, so there's no reason i should feel bad. for some resaon i always do though. i kinda feel like i'm flipping off the barber.
- Blazing Angels on Xbox360..... sweet game.
- one of my teachers at school actually thinks it isn't a stretch to compare the current administration's actions to Nazi Germany. he threw Guantanamo out as if it was proof. yeah, cuz we're just rounding up everyone with arabic sounding names off the streets of the US and throwing them in; women, children, everyone. oh no wait WE AREN'T. we're rounding up MEN who are in AFGHANISTAN and IRAQ and are busy FIGHTING US. gee how could i not see the comparison? tell you what, if you can go convince someone who lived in Germany during WW2 that it's the same then i'll buy your story. until then, you're making light of the horrors of what happened back then and showing what an incredible JACKASS you are. we've made it abundantly clear to him to steer clear of politics in future discussions. guess he's used to teaching teenage robots who believe everything MTV tells them.
Friday, March 24, 2006
Thursday, March 23, 2006
good point
Someone brings up the Bonds/Home Runs/Hall of Fame thing with sports guy and he answers with a point of view i hadn't really thought of before.
Leif (Kelowna, BC, Canada): What are your thoughts on Barry Bonds passing Babe Ruth and maybe even Hank Aaron? Even if he took steroids, they were technically still legal in MLB when he started the juice.
Bill Simmons: (2:08 PM ET ) I think his records should count and he should be in the Hall of Fame. And I think his plaque should clearly state that there's overwhelming evidence that he may have used steroids from 1999 on. I also think Pete Rose should be in the HOF. The whole point of the HOF is to have a place that captured every significant moment that ever happened in baseball, good and bad. If you landed from a UFO, you would go there and learn about the game. Not having Bonds and Rose there seems dishonest to me. Like we're hiding something.
great
Messege to all Spurs fans who went after Sports Guy...... thanks a lot you retards. now everyone who reads his column thinks we're all uneducated morons here in San Antonio. As indicated from this chat trascript.
Enrique, SA, TX: Bill, what were you thinking when you wrote that Spurs coach Greg Poppovich was going to retire after this season? Do you know how much money he would be walking away from if he did?
Enrique, SA, TX: Bill, what were you thinking when you wrote that Spurs coach Greg Poppovich was going to retire after this season? Do you know how much money he would be walking away from if he did?
Bill Simmons: (1:30 PM ET ) I didn't, actually. The funny part was all the angry e-mails from the San Antonio area -- is San Antonio a third world country or something and nobody told me? I haven't seen that many misspellings and crazed threats in the history of my column ... if there was a way to send e-mails in capital letters and crayons, that would have been the typical response from a Spurs fan. Do they have school systems there or is it simply home schooling and that's it?
Monday, March 20, 2006
Sunday, March 19, 2006
thinking
now i KNOW i'm getting old, i'm sitting around thinking about the ins and outs of my life. i guess it's part of getting close to reaching the milestone of nice round number like 30. this is the part of my blog that i use as therapy. i'm writing this mostly just to put it down and see it. like a diary. so if you want to read be my guest but you'll probably finish and say "what a fucking wierdo jimmy is."
i've been thinking about where my life has taken me. i thought about where i was when i turned 25, 20,15, 10, and 5.
25 - back in march of 2001 i was living in the DC area. i lived in Lanham in a 3 bedroom apartment with Kristin, Roger, Chris and Bridget. I think Roger was still dating Mary so the apartment was a hotbed of sexy 20 year olds. i was still in the air force. work was ok i guess. i complained all the time but you know, it just wouldn't be jimmy if i weren't complaining about SOMEthing right? i'm trying to think if there was anything i'd tell that jimmy, something that could've made his life better. nothing. i used to think i could tell the old me to hold onto Kristin. do nice things for her, tell her i love her more often..... but what's the point? if there's one thing i've discovered about myself it's that i'm not "built" for a relationship. just like midgets ain't build to be in the NBA, i'm not emotionally built to be in a relationship. sooner or later, i screw it up. so given what i know i can't recommend anything to jimmy at 25.
20 - ah yes, at 20..... march of 1996 found me right back here in san antonio. i was living with my family and working at QVC as a phone operator. i particularly remember THIS birthday because i was nailing this married chick i worked with at the time. this was a point in my life where i started realizing that marriage isn't all it's cracked up to be. given the opportunity we're pretty much all only as faithful as our options. call me a cynic but if you sleep with a few married women it's hard to convince me it's just us guys that are dogs. i suppose a man ruled more by ego than common sense would think "maybe you're just THAT studly dude!!!! maybe most chicks are faithful but those ones you bagged couldn't resist you!!!!" yeah right. i ain't that big a prize. i never was. so what would i tell jimmy at 20? well since i was 2 months from enlisting i would tell jimmy to do something that could have made my life a HELL if a lot easier. i would have told him to bail on going into Finance and gone into computers instead. i could've gotten into computers in the air force, stayed in 4 years, learned a lot, gone to school on uncle sam's dime, and then bailed after 4 years and gotten PAID working as a contractor. not just working as a contractor, but i'd have looked up brown and root and gone to work for them over in Kosovo or Bosnia. i heard so many damn stories from my afghanistan coworkers about how great it was over there. top shelf honeys, great living conditions, and top pay. oh how i wish i could talk to jimmy at 20.
15 - i don't really remember much about this time in my life. i was a sophomore in high school in arizona. that's it. i didn't do anything. i went to class, read books, and sat around. i never even had a girlfriend at this point. good god at this point i still actually believed in love. i believed in so much back then. i believed i would go to the air force academy. i believed i'd become a pilot. i believed i'd marry some gal, have a family, and bring that family up in the air force like i was brought up. it was the only way of life i ever knew and i liked it. shit, what WOULDN'T i tell jimmy at 15. for starters i'd tell him to get off his ass and play some sports. i'd tell him to punish his body and take advantage of the youth i had. turn your body into a machine. jimmy at 15 knew that chicks didn't seem to flock to skinny nerds but jimmy at 30 can tell him they go for fat emotional trainwrecks even less.
10 - i can't remember if we were living in new mexico or if we had moved overseas to turkey yet. god life was so easy back then. by this time i had gone thru enough school to realize i was smarter than everyone else around me. a lot smarter. i'm not saying this to be a fatheaded dick i'm just telling the truth. that's how it has always been. you know what i'd tell jimmy at 10? jeans and a t-shirt. looking back at old pictures i used to dress like such a goober. jeans and tshirts are so much easier and comfortable.
5 - this is all pretty hazy. i lived in Maine. life was all about playing with friends. one thing i do remember about that time period was that this was the time when it was actually fun to be in the air force. i remember going to my dad's work (he was a firefighter at the time) and hanging out at his squadron get-togethers. softballs games, vollyball and basketball, cookouts..... everyone enjoyed themselves and it was just a better atmosphere than the one i was in when i was enlisted. ah the good old days.
so what does the future hold? what will jimmy at 35 or 40 tell this jimmy? well if there's one thing i've learned it's that i have no fucking clue. jimmy at 25, 20, 15, 10, and 5 would never have guessed how jimmy at 30 is living in a million years. so here's to the future and all the uncertainty it brings.
i've been thinking about where my life has taken me. i thought about where i was when i turned 25, 20,15, 10, and 5.
25 - back in march of 2001 i was living in the DC area. i lived in Lanham in a 3 bedroom apartment with Kristin, Roger, Chris and Bridget. I think Roger was still dating Mary so the apartment was a hotbed of sexy 20 year olds. i was still in the air force. work was ok i guess. i complained all the time but you know, it just wouldn't be jimmy if i weren't complaining about SOMEthing right? i'm trying to think if there was anything i'd tell that jimmy, something that could've made his life better. nothing. i used to think i could tell the old me to hold onto Kristin. do nice things for her, tell her i love her more often..... but what's the point? if there's one thing i've discovered about myself it's that i'm not "built" for a relationship. just like midgets ain't build to be in the NBA, i'm not emotionally built to be in a relationship. sooner or later, i screw it up. so given what i know i can't recommend anything to jimmy at 25.
20 - ah yes, at 20..... march of 1996 found me right back here in san antonio. i was living with my family and working at QVC as a phone operator. i particularly remember THIS birthday because i was nailing this married chick i worked with at the time. this was a point in my life where i started realizing that marriage isn't all it's cracked up to be. given the opportunity we're pretty much all only as faithful as our options. call me a cynic but if you sleep with a few married women it's hard to convince me it's just us guys that are dogs. i suppose a man ruled more by ego than common sense would think "maybe you're just THAT studly dude!!!! maybe most chicks are faithful but those ones you bagged couldn't resist you!!!!" yeah right. i ain't that big a prize. i never was. so what would i tell jimmy at 20? well since i was 2 months from enlisting i would tell jimmy to do something that could have made my life a HELL if a lot easier. i would have told him to bail on going into Finance and gone into computers instead. i could've gotten into computers in the air force, stayed in 4 years, learned a lot, gone to school on uncle sam's dime, and then bailed after 4 years and gotten PAID working as a contractor. not just working as a contractor, but i'd have looked up brown and root and gone to work for them over in Kosovo or Bosnia. i heard so many damn stories from my afghanistan coworkers about how great it was over there. top shelf honeys, great living conditions, and top pay. oh how i wish i could talk to jimmy at 20.
15 - i don't really remember much about this time in my life. i was a sophomore in high school in arizona. that's it. i didn't do anything. i went to class, read books, and sat around. i never even had a girlfriend at this point. good god at this point i still actually believed in love. i believed in so much back then. i believed i would go to the air force academy. i believed i'd become a pilot. i believed i'd marry some gal, have a family, and bring that family up in the air force like i was brought up. it was the only way of life i ever knew and i liked it. shit, what WOULDN'T i tell jimmy at 15. for starters i'd tell him to get off his ass and play some sports. i'd tell him to punish his body and take advantage of the youth i had. turn your body into a machine. jimmy at 15 knew that chicks didn't seem to flock to skinny nerds but jimmy at 30 can tell him they go for fat emotional trainwrecks even less.
10 - i can't remember if we were living in new mexico or if we had moved overseas to turkey yet. god life was so easy back then. by this time i had gone thru enough school to realize i was smarter than everyone else around me. a lot smarter. i'm not saying this to be a fatheaded dick i'm just telling the truth. that's how it has always been. you know what i'd tell jimmy at 10? jeans and a t-shirt. looking back at old pictures i used to dress like such a goober. jeans and tshirts are so much easier and comfortable.
5 - this is all pretty hazy. i lived in Maine. life was all about playing with friends. one thing i do remember about that time period was that this was the time when it was actually fun to be in the air force. i remember going to my dad's work (he was a firefighter at the time) and hanging out at his squadron get-togethers. softballs games, vollyball and basketball, cookouts..... everyone enjoyed themselves and it was just a better atmosphere than the one i was in when i was enlisted. ah the good old days.
so what does the future hold? what will jimmy at 35 or 40 tell this jimmy? well if there's one thing i've learned it's that i have no fucking clue. jimmy at 25, 20, 15, 10, and 5 would never have guessed how jimmy at 30 is living in a million years. so here's to the future and all the uncertainty it brings.
open letter
Dear people in the advertising departments of Burger King, Sonic, and Sierra Mist......
your commercials SUCK. not just suck but they are fucking annoying as hell. i intentionally avoid purchasing your products because the constant bombardment of your shitty ads. i hope you all go out of business.
your commercials SUCK. not just suck but they are fucking annoying as hell. i intentionally avoid purchasing your products because the constant bombardment of your shitty ads. i hope you all go out of business.
Thursday, March 16, 2006
VIVA!!!
Xbox has an upcoming game that some are calling “the pokemon killer” by which they mean something that will draw kids.
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
Women
Tell you what, if the US military women were a little more like the chinese military women as shown here......
then maybe i'd be a little more receptive to the joke that women in the military are equal to men. But as long as we have the current situation of things like
- women's fitness standards being half of men's and even THEN they can't do it.
- women in the military (or maybe just the air force) being unable to lift furniture
so until stuff like that goes away, I'm going to laugh in your face if you suggest chicks are equal.
then maybe i'd be a little more receptive to the joke that women in the military are equal to men. But as long as we have the current situation of things like
- women's fitness standards being half of men's and even THEN they can't do it.
- women in the military (or maybe just the air force) being unable to lift furniture
so until stuff like that goes away, I'm going to laugh in your face if you suggest chicks are equal.
Monday, March 13, 2006
Sunday, March 12, 2006
Night Watch
Josh and i went to go see Night Watch yesterday. good movie. it's in Russian so there's some subtitles but it's cool. I really enjoyed this movie because it's so anti-hollywood (i think the russians can teach us something about filmmaking). In fact the ending is WHY i liked it so much. none of this hollywood "everyone is happy" bullshit. in this movie, people are flawed and they don't sugarcoat it. it's also where i got the latest quote for my email autosignature.
"It's easier for a man to destroy the light within himself than to fight the darkness around him"
that's so true, if it weren't there'd be no such thing as drug addicts or alcoholics or anything like that. The stresses and pressures and problems of life are all around us and in the end it's a lot easier to just escape into something so we don't have to fight it.
anyway, this movie isn't for everyone but i liked it.
"It's easier for a man to destroy the light within himself than to fight the darkness around him"
that's so true, if it weren't there'd be no such thing as drug addicts or alcoholics or anything like that. The stresses and pressures and problems of life are all around us and in the end it's a lot easier to just escape into something so we don't have to fight it.
anyway, this movie isn't for everyone but i liked it.
Saturday, March 11, 2006
Battlestar Galactica
watched the season finale last night. all i can say is.... WOW.
*spoilers ahead*
i liked Dean Stockwell's character a lot.
"I'm not a fraking Cylon! (sees his Cylon twin) ...Oh, OK then."
that was great. i laughed my ass off when the Pegasus and the Galactica jumped soon as the cylons showed up. strip us down, give us a skeleton crew, and then make us glorified watchmen? well FUCK YOU GUYS we're outta here!!! i wonder where they're going to go with that storyline. i mean, 2 battlestars that aren't even close to 100% functional, skeleton crews, against like 5 or 6 cylon basestars? i have a theory, or at least an idea for something cool.
what if there was a cylon civil war? what if the "hero" sharon and six models wanted to make peace with mankind but not all models went for it? the cylons that were determined to proceed with the original plans could be the ones who found New Caprica and are doing the occupation and the other side could side up with the Adamas to retake the planet. what do you think?
anyways, October is way too long to wait.
*spoilers ahead*
i liked Dean Stockwell's character a lot.
"I'm not a fraking Cylon! (sees his Cylon twin) ...Oh, OK then."
that was great. i laughed my ass off when the Pegasus and the Galactica jumped soon as the cylons showed up. strip us down, give us a skeleton crew, and then make us glorified watchmen? well FUCK YOU GUYS we're outta here!!! i wonder where they're going to go with that storyline. i mean, 2 battlestars that aren't even close to 100% functional, skeleton crews, against like 5 or 6 cylon basestars? i have a theory, or at least an idea for something cool.
what if there was a cylon civil war? what if the "hero" sharon and six models wanted to make peace with mankind but not all models went for it? the cylons that were determined to proceed with the original plans could be the ones who found New Caprica and are doing the occupation and the other side could side up with the Adamas to retake the planet. what do you think?
anyways, October is way too long to wait.
top 50
top 50 ways to ruin a frat party. my favs are 45 and 7
50. Smear your naked body in Vasoline, and then, in front of the crowd, tell the fraternity president that you have done everything he asked, and are ready for his "personal initiation".
49. While manning the keg, tell your fraternity brothers, one by one as you’re filling up their beer, that you “kinda like them as more than a friend.”
48. Leak a fake news story that all the Natural Light and Pabst Blue Ribbon has been recalled due to possible "tampering".
47. Bet one of the drunk brothers $100 that he can’t wrestle some random dude’s clothes off.
46. Wear shorts and then dance around the house secretly pissing on people’s legs. When they turn around, act like you spilled your beer.
45. Replace all the condoms in the house with Magnums. Then watch at the end of the night as all the girls walk out of the rooms laughing.
44. Steal the house mascot lamb and sell it to the gyro vendor on the corner.
43. Invite the women’s basketball team.
42. Apologize to the crowd and tell them that you’ve had to cancel the donkey show, because the donkey arrived dead on arrival. However, you hate to waste a good whore, so instead you’re borrowing your friend’s pet, and the hermit crab show will begin in twenty minutes.
41. Put a human head in the refrigerator.
40. Play porn videos in each bathroom at full volume with the doors locked all night.
39. Two words: Sui. Cide.
38. Steal all the men on the Foosball table.
37. Start an argument about which is better: Old School or Animal House
36. Persuade the Theta Ki sisters to pull out their penises.
35. Run frantically into the party and shout, “Someone is outside keying a Jeep Wrangler!” Watch as the brothers break for the doors.
34. Make anonymous phone calls to homes of all the high school girls’ parents informing them that their daughter is drinking and having sex at the house. Watch as the angry fathers storm in looking for their little girls.
33. Whenever you spot a guy macking on a hot girl, walk up to her and whisper in her ear that you have had sex with the guy, and he is fantastic in the sack.
32. Walk around with your dick stuck in a ball of ground meat and if anyone asks, insist that you are “Rushing”.
31. When "Sweet Caroline" inevitably plays, go "BAH BAH BAH!" one measure early every time, then keep swearing and cursing and hitting yourself through where it's supposed to go.
30. Be sure to steer every conversation to how much you hate Will Ferrell.
29. Bring a mix CD of last year's greatest rap/R&B hits and swap it with this year's. Listen to drunken partygoers say "those songs were so last month" as they head for the exit.
28. Make a label that says "NEW Axe Body Spray: Wild Musk" place it on a spray bottle of fox piss, and leave it in the living room.
27. Place a sign on the wall that says, “There have been 0 days since a work stoppage due to a pledge dying of alcohol poisoning.”
26. Whiskey-dick measuring contest.
25. Tell everyone Dave Chapelle died.
24. Walk around with no pants and a “My Friend Flicka” butt plug in your ass. When people ask why, tell them that “America just needs to believe in ol’ He-biscuit.”
23. Print out crude and disturbing pictures from the internet of animals being abused and stick them on the fridge. Tell everyone it’s from last weekends “Charity Picnic”, when brothers Stu and Moose got bored.
22. Claim to be pre-med and quietly whisper into every girl's ear who's being hit on by a brother at the party that you "interned at the campus med center and he came in complaining of a creamy yellow discharge in his sheets".
21. Actually throw a punch when one of the brothers tries to pick a fight by thrusting out his chest, pushing and shouting at you.
20. Every time someone quotes Old School, Office Space, Napoleon Dynamite, or Wedding Crashers, punch them in the fucking mouth.
19. Whenever you give a girl a cup of beer, warn her that there "might be piss" in her drink. When she looks at you confused, nod knowingly and walk away.
18. Ask all the guys at the party if they want to learn the secret handshake. If they say yes, gently cup their balls, close your eyes, and move toward them for an open-mouth kiss.
17. Print out the grades of the brothers and place them on the wall .
16. Buy a bag of black, heavy-duty, 100% cotton Hanes T-shirts for the annual Wet T-Shirt Contest.
15. Set bass to -9 on stereo. Set treble to +9. Set fade to all the way left. Break off knobs.
14. Perform the "upperdecker"- pooping in the tank. It's always a crowd pleaser.
13. Hang nude pin-ups of the Golden Girls over every bed, couch, and any flooring with carpet. Also laminate a few and put them in the bathroom and in the kitchen.
12. Invite the cast of “Murderball”, and tell them the keg is on the second floor.
11. Tell people that your last party was even crazier, and ask if they want to see the video you made. Then show them party footage edited together with Faces of Death. When people ask who got eaten by the crocodile, just say you “don’t want to dwell on that”.
10. Be black. Attend Fraternity party.
9. Secretly replace all Red Bulls with piss. Not only will this sap the energy from the party, but no one will be able to taste the difference.
8. Ask a brother who is in the midst of making out with one of the "sisters" what your DNA tastes like, because the same wasted girl blew you ten minutes ago upstairs. Tell "Snowball" to look on the bright side: he has a new nickname, and there is no way he can get pregnant that way.
7. Get a police outfit, then take a woman with a fake black eye to the party. Walk around from man to man in the party asking the woman, "Is this the guy?" as she sobs.
6. Make Jell-o shots for the ladies, and place an unbroken and rather scary-looking pill in each one. Insist that there is no pill in there and that they should just "down it!"
5. Run in and scream, “Fuck man, the Dave Matthews Band broke up!”
4. When a girl asks if you know how to make a White Russian, say “sure”, and make one for her. Half an hour later, go up to her, embarrassed, and ask her if you were supposed to masturbate into it once or twice. You never can remember your mixed drinks.
3. Brutally harass a group of hopeless but determined nerds all semester, then challenge them to some sort of competition. Use your hot cheerleader girlfriends as bait for an elabore big prank that will leave them humiliated and desperate for revenge. When the day of the big competition arrives, arrogantly assume that the nerds don't stand a chance. Then standby and prepare scream, "I hate nerds!" as the victorious doofuses are celebrating their victory by banging your best girl.
2. Drop pants near keg. Do a handstand and put the tap up your ass. Start pouring while enthusiastically counting off.
1. Invite Girls
50. Smear your naked body in Vasoline, and then, in front of the crowd, tell the fraternity president that you have done everything he asked, and are ready for his "personal initiation".
49. While manning the keg, tell your fraternity brothers, one by one as you’re filling up their beer, that you “kinda like them as more than a friend.”
48. Leak a fake news story that all the Natural Light and Pabst Blue Ribbon has been recalled due to possible "tampering".
47. Bet one of the drunk brothers $100 that he can’t wrestle some random dude’s clothes off.
46. Wear shorts and then dance around the house secretly pissing on people’s legs. When they turn around, act like you spilled your beer.
45. Replace all the condoms in the house with Magnums. Then watch at the end of the night as all the girls walk out of the rooms laughing.
44. Steal the house mascot lamb and sell it to the gyro vendor on the corner.
43. Invite the women’s basketball team.
42. Apologize to the crowd and tell them that you’ve had to cancel the donkey show, because the donkey arrived dead on arrival. However, you hate to waste a good whore, so instead you’re borrowing your friend’s pet, and the hermit crab show will begin in twenty minutes.
41. Put a human head in the refrigerator.
40. Play porn videos in each bathroom at full volume with the doors locked all night.
39. Two words: Sui. Cide.
38. Steal all the men on the Foosball table.
37. Start an argument about which is better: Old School or Animal House
36. Persuade the Theta Ki sisters to pull out their penises.
35. Run frantically into the party and shout, “Someone is outside keying a Jeep Wrangler!” Watch as the brothers break for the doors.
34. Make anonymous phone calls to homes of all the high school girls’ parents informing them that their daughter is drinking and having sex at the house. Watch as the angry fathers storm in looking for their little girls.
33. Whenever you spot a guy macking on a hot girl, walk up to her and whisper in her ear that you have had sex with the guy, and he is fantastic in the sack.
32. Walk around with your dick stuck in a ball of ground meat and if anyone asks, insist that you are “Rushing”.
31. When "Sweet Caroline" inevitably plays, go "BAH BAH BAH!" one measure early every time, then keep swearing and cursing and hitting yourself through where it's supposed to go.
30. Be sure to steer every conversation to how much you hate Will Ferrell.
29. Bring a mix CD of last year's greatest rap/R&B hits and swap it with this year's. Listen to drunken partygoers say "those songs were so last month" as they head for the exit.
28. Make a label that says "NEW Axe Body Spray: Wild Musk" place it on a spray bottle of fox piss, and leave it in the living room.
27. Place a sign on the wall that says, “There have been 0 days since a work stoppage due to a pledge dying of alcohol poisoning.”
26. Whiskey-dick measuring contest.
25. Tell everyone Dave Chapelle died.
24. Walk around with no pants and a “My Friend Flicka” butt plug in your ass. When people ask why, tell them that “America just needs to believe in ol’ He-biscuit.”
23. Print out crude and disturbing pictures from the internet of animals being abused and stick them on the fridge. Tell everyone it’s from last weekends “Charity Picnic”, when brothers Stu and Moose got bored.
22. Claim to be pre-med and quietly whisper into every girl's ear who's being hit on by a brother at the party that you "interned at the campus med center and he came in complaining of a creamy yellow discharge in his sheets".
21. Actually throw a punch when one of the brothers tries to pick a fight by thrusting out his chest, pushing and shouting at you.
20. Every time someone quotes Old School, Office Space, Napoleon Dynamite, or Wedding Crashers, punch them in the fucking mouth.
19. Whenever you give a girl a cup of beer, warn her that there "might be piss" in her drink. When she looks at you confused, nod knowingly and walk away.
18. Ask all the guys at the party if they want to learn the secret handshake. If they say yes, gently cup their balls, close your eyes, and move toward them for an open-mouth kiss.
17. Print out the grades of the brothers and place them on the wall .
16. Buy a bag of black, heavy-duty, 100% cotton Hanes T-shirts for the annual Wet T-Shirt Contest.
15. Set bass to -9 on stereo. Set treble to +9. Set fade to all the way left. Break off knobs.
14. Perform the "upperdecker"- pooping in the tank. It's always a crowd pleaser.
13. Hang nude pin-ups of the Golden Girls over every bed, couch, and any flooring with carpet. Also laminate a few and put them in the bathroom and in the kitchen.
12. Invite the cast of “Murderball”, and tell them the keg is on the second floor.
11. Tell people that your last party was even crazier, and ask if they want to see the video you made. Then show them party footage edited together with Faces of Death. When people ask who got eaten by the crocodile, just say you “don’t want to dwell on that”.
10. Be black. Attend Fraternity party.
9. Secretly replace all Red Bulls with piss. Not only will this sap the energy from the party, but no one will be able to taste the difference.
8. Ask a brother who is in the midst of making out with one of the "sisters" what your DNA tastes like, because the same wasted girl blew you ten minutes ago upstairs. Tell "Snowball" to look on the bright side: he has a new nickname, and there is no way he can get pregnant that way.
7. Get a police outfit, then take a woman with a fake black eye to the party. Walk around from man to man in the party asking the woman, "Is this the guy?" as she sobs.
6. Make Jell-o shots for the ladies, and place an unbroken and rather scary-looking pill in each one. Insist that there is no pill in there and that they should just "down it!"
5. Run in and scream, “Fuck man, the Dave Matthews Band broke up!”
4. When a girl asks if you know how to make a White Russian, say “sure”, and make one for her. Half an hour later, go up to her, embarrassed, and ask her if you were supposed to masturbate into it once or twice. You never can remember your mixed drinks.
3. Brutally harass a group of hopeless but determined nerds all semester, then challenge them to some sort of competition. Use your hot cheerleader girlfriends as bait for an elabore big prank that will leave them humiliated and desperate for revenge. When the day of the big competition arrives, arrogantly assume that the nerds don't stand a chance. Then standby and prepare scream, "I hate nerds!" as the victorious doofuses are celebrating their victory by banging your best girl.
2. Drop pants near keg. Do a handstand and put the tap up your ass. Start pouring while enthusiastically counting off.
1. Invite Girls
Thursday, March 09, 2006
shirt
Where do I get the shirt Tony is wearing? That’s freaking awesome!!!! 10 times funnier with a professional race car driver wearing it. 100 times funnier with THAT driver wearing it.
Abortion rights for men
"The National Center for Men has prepared a lawsuit — nicknamed Roe v. Wade for Men — to be filed Thursday in U.S. District Court in Michigan on behalf of a 25-year-old computer programmer ordered to pay child support for his ex-girlfriend's daughter. The suit addresses the issue of male reproductive rights, contending that lack of such rights violates the U.S. Constitution's equal protection clause.
"The gist of the argument: If a pregnant woman can choose among abortion, adoption or raising a child, a man involved in an unintended pregnancy should have the choice of declining the financial responsibilities of fatherhood."
I so hope this goes through. I see no reason why it shouldn't, after all isn't that what women want? EQUAL RIGHTS? If you have the "right" to just walk away from your parental rights then shouldn't we get the same option?
Someone expands the arguement more here
"The gist of the argument: If a pregnant woman can choose among abortion, adoption or raising a child, a man involved in an unintended pregnancy should have the choice of declining the financial responsibilities of fatherhood."
I so hope this goes through. I see no reason why it shouldn't, after all isn't that what women want? EQUAL RIGHTS? If you have the "right" to just walk away from your parental rights then shouldn't we get the same option?
Someone expands the arguement more here
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
hell freezing
Thank you Shea over on the trackside board, this was great.
Is Hell exothermic or endothermic?
The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so profound that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.
As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.
Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.
The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct...leaving only Heaven thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."
THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A"
Is Hell exothermic or endothermic?
The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so profound that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.
As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.
Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.
The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct...leaving only Heaven thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."
THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A"
Super photo finish
Yeah, and mom and dad thought I played a lot of Nintendo growing up. This is a race between two guys to see who can beat Super Mario Bros the fastest. I’m not sure what’s more impressive.
Either
1 – the fact they beat it in like 6 minutes.
Or
2 – they finish within milliseconds of each other.
Monday, March 06, 2006
Screw U college
Common sense finally wins one in the courts.
this ruling finally tells colleges that if they're going to suck on the teet of federal money, they can't bar military recruiters from campus simply because they don't like the military policy on gays. i can't believe it took this long.
i'm so sick of colleges and the attitude they promote of "gimme gimme....but i don't have to contribute anything, just gimmie gimmie gimmie...." fuck those bastards.
this ruling finally tells colleges that if they're going to suck on the teet of federal money, they can't bar military recruiters from campus simply because they don't like the military policy on gays. i can't believe it took this long.
i'm so sick of colleges and the attitude they promote of "gimme gimme....but i don't have to contribute anything, just gimmie gimmie gimmie...." fuck those bastards.
Houston wussies
The new Houston MLS (Major League Soccer) went from a retarded name "Houston 1837" to a lame one. They are now the Dynamos.
Apparently the change was because the name "offended Mexicans" since it refers to not only the year Houston was founded (its intent) but also the year Texas beat Mexico to gain independance. So now we of the Texas decent are now supposed to be ashamed of our heritage and our pasts. Once again giving another point to the "fuck white people and they shouldn't be allowed to feel any pride in their culture" groups.
Let me just say, Houston... you a sorry bunch of pathetic pussies. Also let me say, which i remind you i say as someone of Hispanic decent, FUCK MEXICO AND ANY MEXICANS WHO GOT OFFENDED. fuck you all right in your stupid asses. Houston is in Texas. We beat your sorry asses and kicked you the fuck off our land and now your poor pathetic asses have to crawl back in to beg for scraps. So fuck you if we take some pride in our past. Just because you got nothing to take any pride in doesn't mean we shouldn't be allowed to.
Apparently the change was because the name "offended Mexicans" since it refers to not only the year Houston was founded (its intent) but also the year Texas beat Mexico to gain independance. So now we of the Texas decent are now supposed to be ashamed of our heritage and our pasts. Once again giving another point to the "fuck white people and they shouldn't be allowed to feel any pride in their culture" groups.
Let me just say, Houston... you a sorry bunch of pathetic pussies. Also let me say, which i remind you i say as someone of Hispanic decent, FUCK MEXICO AND ANY MEXICANS WHO GOT OFFENDED. fuck you all right in your stupid asses. Houston is in Texas. We beat your sorry asses and kicked you the fuck off our land and now your poor pathetic asses have to crawl back in to beg for scraps. So fuck you if we take some pride in our past. Just because you got nothing to take any pride in doesn't mean we shouldn't be allowed to.
Sunday, March 05, 2006
Mexico
had the race on but didn't watch too much of it. been dealing with some computer issues.
- So now Kyle Busch has attained asshole status in Mexico. All he needs to do now is go kick Waytne Gretzki in the balls and he'll officially be the most hated sports-figure in all of NORTH AMERICA.
- good for Denny. although i'm wondering where this sudden rush to think the Busch series means something came from. lemme see, rookie wins the shootout and a Busch race and we're singing his praises nonstop, meanwhile you got the 2 time defending Busch series champ as a rookie and DW and the gang MIGHT mention Truex if they're feeling generous.
- oh and once again someone used the phrase "He's the real deal." god i hate that phrase. he's the real deal? why? is this some sort of surprise? did they just drag a random fan out of the stands and put HIM in a car?
- So now Kyle Busch has attained asshole status in Mexico. All he needs to do now is go kick Waytne Gretzki in the balls and he'll officially be the most hated sports-figure in all of NORTH AMERICA.
- good for Denny. although i'm wondering where this sudden rush to think the Busch series means something came from. lemme see, rookie wins the shootout and a Busch race and we're singing his praises nonstop, meanwhile you got the 2 time defending Busch series champ as a rookie and DW and the gang MIGHT mention Truex if they're feeling generous.
- oh and once again someone used the phrase "He's the real deal." god i hate that phrase. he's the real deal? why? is this some sort of surprise? did they just drag a random fan out of the stands and put HIM in a car?
Thursday, March 02, 2006
Epic struggle
growing up, something i could always count on at a birthday party for Jackie, Josh, or myself was a Pinata. to honor that i present to you a video.
Man vs Pinata: the epic battle continues.
Man vs Pinata: the epic battle continues.
Wednesday, March 01, 2006
Drinking update
Oh yeah, saturday night's alright for fighting..... or drinking. check out the fat guy in the West Virginia hat doing the kegstand!!!! oh wait, that's me!!!
Wayans loco
is it me or has the whole Wayans family gone the way of the Jacksons? some of them gay, none of them entertaining, ALL of them crazy.
this certainly would seem to back me.
Damon wants to trademark "Nigga" for.... get this..... a LINE OF CLOTHING.
this certainly would seem to back me.
Damon wants to trademark "Nigga" for.... get this..... a LINE OF CLOTHING.
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