spam

Just when i thought spammers couldn't be bigger douchebags. check this gem out......

for the love of god don't click on any of the links in the letter, i just want to show you what they moved on from the nigerian scam to.

Sgt.James Clayton(Iraq)

Salami azia 1,p.o.box 654

Military Hosptial Iraq

Baghdad

Compliment,

I hope my email meets you well. My name is Sgt .James Clayton jr(American soldier). I am in the Engineering military unit here in Baghdad in Iraq , with Oesophageal cancer which has defiled all forms of medical treatment, and right now I have only about a few weeks to live, according to medical experts. My late 2 colleagues who died last week in a bomb blast and I found a huge sum of $25 Million USD in Baghdad neighbourhood ( http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/middle_east/2988455.stm) that we have successfully moved out of the country via online bank transfer to a secure security and online finance institution in Spain . I am contacting you because i want you help me distribute them to charity organizations and homeless people.

I feel distributing the funds would be a way to appease the LORD and also want God to be merciful to me and my late friends and also accept our souls ,because we have killed so many in the war, but we where only serving our country. I have decided to give this sum 0f $25 Million USD to charity organizations, as I want this to be one of the last good deeds I do on earth.

I am single, as my family died in a car accident years ago, and i vowed on my son and wife grave never to get married, so then i joined the force. I guess it is time for me to go join my family as i see my beautiful wife and my son in my dreams.

I will want you to help me collect this funds and dispatched it to charity organizations like i have said earlier. I have set aside 25% for you and your time.5% for any expenses during the process of you getting the $25 Million USD.The most important thing is that can I TRUST you Once the funds get to you?, and also would you distribute the rest 70% to charity organizations?. Your own duty is to contact the SECURITY AND FINANCE on how the funds can be released and transfer to you,as the funds were insured by me for security measures. If you are interested I will furnish you with more details,so you are to send me all your full informations such as telephone,mobile,fax,country,occupation e.t.c.

But the whole process is simple and we must keep a low profile at all times because if the authorities are aware of this funds, it would be seized and used for purchasing ammunitions and irrelevant accessories, whereby we have so many sick, homeless kids dying with hunger.

I am awaiting your urgent response on my private email address, jamesclayton247@mixmail.com

IN GOD WE TRUST!!!!
Regards.

SGT .JAMES CLAYTON

free at last

Finally done with all my classes at ITT. Thank god. if only i could reach 2 years into the past and tell myself to avoid that fucking place like the plague.

I don't really feel like getting into the "why" of it right now, but i will. If for no other reason than to have something written down for future reference.

Anyways, now comes the task of landing full time work. I got a good job in the field right now but unless they bump my hours up i can't afford to stay.

Swear Jar

This commercial is AWESOME

Keanu doesn't suck

Someone decided to tell us why.

Personally i like Keanu Reeves and his work. I liked the Matrix trilogy and Devil's Advocate was an awesome movie.

#6 on this list was the best one.

Spammer caught

One of the top 10 spammers in the world has been arrested.

shoot him. fuck his trial, fuck his due process, fuck his appeals. Drag this cocksucker into a town square, shoot him in his kneecaps, let him crawl around in pain for a while, then put a bullet in his head.

Movie Punches

I like this list.

Top 10 Movie Punches

not just cuz it's a cool list, but cuz it's a list i can agree with.

Miss Universe

I read the story about Miss USA slipping and falling during the pagent and getting booed by the Mexicans. Some are concerned the whole ordeal might give people a bad impression of Mexicans. Gee, i wonder what would give people a bad impression of such a clean, prosperous country like Mexico?

My only question is, "of all the damn countries how the hell did they choose MEXICO to have this in?"

Microsoft Surface

This is pretty damn cool. Touch screen seems to be the way of the future. I know i can't wait till it's a widespread technology in certain video games. Like real-time strategy games such as Command and Conquer.

equal god

I caught a news snippit on TV reguarding the issue should people be allowed to swear on a Koran instead of a Bible before taking the stand in court?

this is one of those "it is a big deal, but it SHOULDN'T be" type of issues.

it is a big deal because we're talking about religious freedom one of the issues our country was founded on. the issue by its very nature brings about big crowds. any time the government even remotely looks like they're telling you how to worship it's a huge deal, and for the most part rightly so.

it shouldn't be a big deal simply because christians should just get the hell (pardon the pun) over themselves and accept the fact not everyone chants at the same invisible man in the sky that they do. deal with it. only the most ignorant and self-rightous of bible-beaters would have an objection to someone saying they'd rather swear on another book or none at all.

which begs the question "who gives a damn WHAT you swear on?". i mean, if someone is going to commit perjury on the stand you think they're going to keep from doing it because of a freaking BOOK? you think they're going to say something to themselves like"well, i was going to lie and not spend 10 years getting cornholed in jail, but then again i did swear on a bible. i might upset god or something. i guess i better tell the truth and go to jail." if someone is going to lie in court it won't matter if they swore on the Bible, the Koran, or the operating instructions to their dishwasher.

my life

so here i am at work. booooooring. but i digress. i'm getting paid to be bored so that's not half bad.

actually, my life in general has been on the "blah" level for a while. i suppose it can't always have something going on, but still it, kinda depressing to think about your life and have the word "boring" come to mind. then again, i really have nobody but myself to blame for that.

lemme think of something interesting to write about.

No Mac

Came across this.

7 reasons i don't use a mac

i'm with him on #2

2) The culture is just plain irritating and unattractive

i can't stand the holier-than-thou mac people with giant broomsticks up their asses. the way they talk down to the rest of us is irritating as fucking hell.

i could probably turn his list into a full top ten.

#8 - i'm a gamer. there's more games out for your CELL PHONE than there are for the Mac. all you fellow gamers know what i'm talkin bout. holy crap you can play WoW? good for you. it only took you like a year or two.

#9 - those "i'm a Mac i'm a PC" commercials. reality check there Apple, commercials in which you DIRECTLY attack your competition are nothing less than giant signs that say "i'm not #1 and it pisses me off!!! why don't you like me?". you might as well be a 4 year old in a supermarket throwing a tantrum for attention. it's pathetic. if you ever wise up to this fact, tell Miller Beer attacking Budweiser makes them just as pathetic.

#10 - I'm not an artist. these are the only people who have a genuine need for a Mac.

Back for a while

Wow, i haven't posted in so long, Google took over while i was gone.

I'm in a new job with a lot of free time on my hands so i'll be posting a little more regularly i guess.

PETA

7 things you outta know about PETA.

See this is why i should never run this country. people from PETA, ELF, and all those other wackos would just start disappearing off the face of this earth. No trials, no juries, nothing. They'd all just wake up naked and cold in a jungle or floating on an iceberg.

Birthday facts

i thought this was pretty cool. type in your birthday and find out some interesting facts.

here's my info:

29 March 1976

Your date of conception was on or about 7 July 1975 which was a Monday.

You were born on a Monday
under the astrological sign Aries.
Your Life path number is 1.

Life Path Compatibility:
You are most compatible with those with the Life Path numbers 1, 5 & 7.
You should get along well with those with the Life Path numbers 3 & 9.
You may or may not get along well with those with the Life Path number 8.
You are least compatible with those with the Life Path numbers 2, 4, 6, 11 & 22.

The Julian calendar date of your birth is 2442866.5.
The golden number for 1976 is 1.
The epact number for 1976 is -1.
The year 1976 was a leap year.

Your birthday falls into the Chinese year beginning 1/31/1976 and ending 2/17/1977.
You were born in the Chinese year of the Dragon.

Your Native American Zodiac sign is Hawk; your plant is Dandelion.

You were born in the Egyptian month of Paony, the second month of the season of Shomu (Harvest).

Your date of birth on the Hebrew calendar is 27 AdarII 5736.
Or if you were born after sundown then the date is 28 AdarII 5736.

The Mayan Calendar long count date of your birthday is 12.18.2.13.2 which is
12 baktun 18 katun 2 tun 13 uinal 2 kin

The Hijra (Islamic Calendar) date of your birth is Monday, 28 Rabi'u'l-Avval 1396 (1396-3-28).

The date of Easter on your birth year was Sunday, 18 April 1976.
The date of Orthodox Easter on your birth year was Sunday, 25 April 1976.
The date of Ash Wednesday (the first day of Lent) on your birth year was Wednesday 3 March 1976.
The date of Whitsun (Pentecost Sunday) in the year of your birth was Sunday 6 June 1976.
The date of Whisuntide in the year of your birth was Sunday 13 June 1976.
The date of Rosh Hashanah in the year of your birth was Saturday, 25 September 1976.
The date of Passover in the year of your birth was Thursday, 15 April 1976.
The date of Mardi Gras on your birth year was Tuesday 2 March 1976.

As of 1/28/2007 2:33:26 AM EST
You are 30 years old.
You are 370 months old.
You are 1,609 weeks old.
You are 11,262 days old.
You are 270,290 hours old.
You are 16,217,433 minutes old.
You are 973,046,006 seconds old.

Celebrities who share your birthday:

Hideaki Takizawa (1982)	Jennifer Capriati (1976)	Lucy Lawless (1968)
Elle Macpherson (1964)	Bud Cort (1950)	John Major (1943)
Pearl Bailey (1918)	Sam Walton (1918)	Philip Ahn (1905)
Cy Young (1867)	John Tyler (1790)

Top songs of 1976

Tonight's the Night by Rod Stewart	Silly Love Songs by Wings
Don't Go Breaking My Heart by Elton John & Kiki Dee	Disco Lady by Johnnie Taylor
Play The Funky Music by Wild Cherry	December, 1963 (Oh What a Night) by Four Seasons
50 Ways to Leave Your Lover by Paul Simon	Kiss and Say Goodbye by Manhattans
If You Leave Me Now by Chicago	Love Hangover by Diana Ross

Your age is the equivalent of a dog that is 4.40782778864971 years old. (You're still chasing cats!)

There are 60 days till your next birthday
on which your cake will have 31 candles.

Those 31 candles produce 31 BTUs,
or 7,812 calories of heat (that's only 7.8120 food Calories!) .
You can boil 3.54 US ounces of water with that many candles.

In 1976 there were approximately 3.1 million births in the US.
In 1976 the US population was approximately 203,302,031 people, 57.4 persons per square mile.
In 1976 in the US there were approximately 2,152,662 marriages (10.1%) and 1,036,000 divorces (4.9%)
In 1976 in the US there were approximately 1,921,000 deaths (9.5 per 1000)
In the US a new person is born approximately every 8 seconds.
In the US one person dies approximately every 12 seconds.

In 1976 the population of Australia was approximately 14,110,107.
In 1976 there were approximately 227,810 births in Australia.
In 1976 in Australia there were approximately 109,973 marriages and 63,230 divorces.
In 1976 in Australia there were approximately 112,662 deaths.


Your birthstone is Aquamarine

The Mystical properties of Aquamarine

Aquamarine is often used to experience love and mercy. It is said to help ease depression and grief.

Some lists consider these stones to be your birthstone. (Birthstone lists come from Jewelers, Tibet, Ayurvedic Indian medicine, and other sources)

Jade, Rock Crystal, Bloodstone

Your birth tree is
Hazelnut Tree, the Extraordinary Charming, undemanding, very understanding, knows how to make an impression, active fighter for social cause, popular, moody and capricious lover, honest and tolerant partner, precise sense of judgement.

random thoughts

- dear god thank you for Da Bears winning. i was not about to stomach 2 weeks of bullshit new orleans stories. you know, the ones that forget to mention how the U.S. taxpayer is footing $150 million towards rebuilding the superdome. you know, the big building that everyone left in new orleans can't even afford to go to. ah yes, and the lack of reports on how the crime rates in certain areas of Houston and here in san antonio have gone up.

- i'd have rather seen the Pats win, but i got no big beef with Peyton and the Colts winning. my morbid curiosity wants the bears to win just to see how brutal it gets with the Peyton choke coverage.

- if it was possible to have placed a bet directly after the colts-pats game of "shannon sharpe uses whatever talk time he's given to bring up the fact that there's 2 black head coaches in the superbowl" i'd have bet everything i could possibly have bet to include my life and i'd be a rich fucking man right now. robbie knows, he heard me call it.

- was it just me or did careerbuilders.com show an ad during the game that advertised an upcoming ad? has tv advertising now reached a wacky new level? guess so.

- i was just thinking that it's been almost a full decade since 2 people came into my life. Roger, my best friend who i consider a brother; and Carrie, the woman i'll always love more than any other. i've learned so much from them both. roger got me into sports and chevys and showed me that there are people crazy enough to tolerate me and my wacky antics. i dunno how i would've made it thru some of the shit in my life without his support. carrie showed me that true love does in fact exist and that there is someone out there who is made for you. i only wish that just because you exist to love someone that you would end up with them. sometimes life is a real fucking joke.

Da Bears

Thanks Robbie for sending this story.

Woman induces labor so husband can watch the Bears game today.


you can keep your sappy flowers and candy and all that other stereotypical horseshit stories of love. THIS my friends is true love.

images

sorry i haven't posted in a while. to make up for it, here's a nice image bonanza. i was surfing around and found a bunch of different pics online.

first we have a cool pic. see, this is why black cats rule.

this one i don't know if it's cute or creepy.

ah to be a cat and make gravity my bitch

i like this. we need to see more signs like this.

When Selma gives a press conference, the male reporters have to record it on audio tape and listen later. cuz they sure as shit ain't paying attention WHILE she talks.

and finally a little something for the kids.

notes on we are marshall

I don't much care for any movie that is "based on or inspired by a true story". because when i find out what the "true" story is, I'm always left with a bad taste in mouth no matter how good the movie is. I understand why the changes have to be made and I comprehend the idea that some things just don't translate well onto the big screen. i know. this is why the book is always better than the movie.

That all said, i really enjoyed the movie. I thought it was a great movie and also a good sports movie. it didn't feel forced like "Remember the Titans" which was also a good movie, but only because of the great cast. The only thing i didn't like was how there wasn't a strong enough presence of people who represented the "tragedy happened but I'm going to move on with my life" camp. i thought we focused entirely too much on the "roll over and die instead of live my life" camp.

So anyway the changes. I'm only going to list the few i know of.

- the crash. it wasn't the finding of the play book that identified the crash. it was a personal effect that a firefighter recognized. i guess we changed it to remind people "football movie too"

- father/girlfriend. the grieving father and the cheerleader girlfriend were composite characters. they represented an amalgam of different stories. makes sense. the film didn't have time to focus on everyone who lost someone. still, i couldn't help but be annoyed at the characters. i mean seriously, i really had to keep from yelling at the father "dude, either you get on with your life and live it or just do us all a favor and dig a hole next to your wife and son and just lay down inside!!!" i know that sounds insensitive and mean, but he was actively bringing everyone down with him by hindering their efforts to move on with THEIR lives and he had no right no matter how great his pain.

- the chant. "We are Marshall!!!!" didn't start getting used until the 90s. i can certainly understand changing this. effect and all.

- recruiting. Marshall football almost canceled even before the crash. the Mid-Atlantic conference kicked Marshall out of the conference because in 69 there were allegedly 144 recruiting violations. so basically the only part they got right in the movie was the fact that the only weapon they had was the ability to offer freshmen a chance to play right off the bat. do i never have to say why this wasn't brought up in the movie?

- WVU. funny story. i watched the movie with my brother josh and our parents. during the recruiting scene where WVU kept snapping up all the players i leaned over to them all and said "oh great, and i have to walk out of this theater with my WVU hat on looking like a total bastard." The movie did get Bowden right. he really did help the out as much as possible and they really did wear stickers on their helmets. I kinda thought they should have thrown in a line of dialog from Bowden with him saying "we aren't Marshall, but we're West Virginia." but that's my West Virginia pride talking.

so while there were a few changes and omissions, it didn't really ruin things for me to find them out. What do you think?

robotech

Some news on the Robotech front via Cinematical

Let me just say i LOVE Robotech. i'm a cartoon product of the 80s. which means i grew up on G.I. Joe, transformers, and all that. Robotech spawned so many shoot-offs that it's hard to keep track sometimes. hence it always seemed to cause some confusion especially to younger viewers. Robotech itself was an americanized version of the Japanese show Macross. then we had the second and third generations. also americanized from Japanese versions. there was even a movie that takes place between first and second generation. it was based on a series that focused on rick hunter and the first gen crew leaving earth. i can't remember why it got scrapped but it's a shame it did. i read the books on it and it's a really great story.

There were other anime series based in the "Macross" universe.

- Macross zero

- Macross II

- Macross Plus

- Macross 7

I saw Macross II a long time ago and it was ok. thanks to the magic of youtube i recently saw Macross zero and it was pretty good. never seen Macross 7.

Now as far Macross Plus goes..... it's my all time favorite anime series. it isn't really a "series" it's a mini-series. the animation is top notch, the music is the best on ANY animated show/movie, and the story is top-notch.

Here's the thing about Robotech..... I'm hoping that this summer's movie Transformers knocks it out of the park. i hope the special effects are mind-blowing and look super-awesome. because if they do, it paves the way for live-action versions of anime series with Robotech being at the top of the list. think about how freaking cool it'll be to have a live-action Robotech movie. personally, I'd rather see Macross Plus but only because i think the story is better and it translates to a movie more readily than Robotech does.

Here's to hoping.....

mcguire

there's a really really good article that sports guy just wrote about mark mcguire and the hall of fame. you need to read it. even if you don't know or care about baseball.

here

there's a lot to take away form the article. for one, it just cements how big of a joke baseball is. it's a sport that dying, and not nearly fast enough if you ask me. here's a few things i have to say on the matter.

- i've always defended NASCAR as a sport and the drivers as athletes. if we can pretend GOLF is a sport, then we better damn well include NASCAR. "but it's just rednecks driving in circles" the ignorant morons say. oh yeah? then i guess golf is just badly-dressed guys out for a walk. i guess boxing is just two guys punching each other. and baseball is just a bunch of guys standing around. "it's just driving a car, anyone can do that." yeah and anyone can walk or run, so by that logic kiss track and field goodbye as "sports". people also say NASCAR is boring. what and you actually expect us to believe baseball ISN'T?!?!? you got maybe 15 seconds of action for every 4 or 5 minutes of watching people stand around. how the FUCK is that exciting?

- baseball has always taken itself way way way too seriously. "america's past time" we call it. key word PAST. we've moved on. the days of kids playing ball in the streets are long gone. they're all shooting hoops now. deal with it. baseball has always been a self-important pompous past time.

- baseball has the most selective memory of any sport. it makes me want to vomit any time one of these sports writers talks about "the good old days" of baseball. good old days? you mean back when the colored boys weren't allowed to play with the white folk? while i don't HATE babe ruth like my brother does, i do think it's nothing short of sad how we like to pretend that guys like him and ty cobb are such revered figures. ruth was a drunken womanizer and ty cobb was a dirty racist. funny how we don't seem to have that thrown around left and right when we're reminiscing about the "good old days". if these guys were playing NOW the press would have had a field day besmirching them instead of sucking them off like they do now.

- it's also funny how baseball never seems to complain when the gravy train is running fine. oh they got no problem with the money and fans and ticket sales that guys like pete rose and mark mcguire bring in. but when it comes time to recognize.... oh now suddenly they're on the high horse. fuck you baseball. you fucking OWE it to mcguire to put him in the hall of fame. he almost single-handedly saved your pathetic sport after it collapsed under the weight of your own greed.

so go ahead and vote your stupid vote and pretend that you're honoring a real sport and being all noble about it. you all make me sick.

hero

Guy dives onto subway tracks to save a stranger's life.

this guy has iron balls and a heart of gold

top 11

From bbspot. top 11 ways blogging is like sex.

11. At first, you’re just blogging once every week or two, but it’s not long before you’re doing it a couple of times a day.
10. A lot of kids fool around with blogs in high school but the serious blogging doesn’t start until college.
9. People really only have one good entry at a time, but will often fake multiple entries because they think it makes their readers happy.
8. It hurts when you’ve blogged and the next day your readers pretend like it never happened.
7. You know better than to blog when you’re drunk, but it’s just more fun, even if you do it with topics you wouldn’t have touched when you were sober.
6. The day after you’ve blogged drunk, you’ve got a lot of explaining to do to your regular readers.
5. Men blog like they’ve got an audience, but women like to keep it intimate.
4. You have to vary your technique once in a while, otherwise your readers will lose interest and you’ll drift apart.
3. When you first start to blog, you don’t ever have any long term readers but all you can ever think about is blogging. After a while, you do find some regular readers, but then blogging becomes a chore and you start to feel guilty if it’s been a while.
2. Most people blog at night, in the privacy of their own homes, but there’s always some jackass strutting around bragging that he prefers to blog in the office at lunch or at the local park.
1. Everyone knows that if he ever did in fact blog in his office or in the park, he was alone and just blogging into his palm.

The rules

from moderndrunkardmagazine.com the 86 rules of drinking. i'm adding my own comments to spice it up.


1. If you owe someone money, always pay them back in a bar. Preferably during happy hour.

- it's more fun for the both of you

2. Always toast before doing a shot.

- unless you're alone. well, unless you're toast is, "here's to you ya handsome bastard"

3. Whoever buys the shot gets the first chance to offer a toast.

- if he doesn't do it, feel free to offer whatever the hell you like.

4. Change your toast at least once a month.

- unless it's something really really good. after all, there's something to be said for tradition.

5. Buying someone a drink is five times better than a handshake.

- hi i'm jimmy. here have a beer.

6. Buying a strange woman a drink is still cool. Buying all her drinks is dumb.

- frankly i think buying one is dumb. but that's just me.

7. Never borrow more than one cigarette from the same person in one night.

- bring your own. what is this, prison?

8. When the bartender is slammed, resist the powerful urge to order a slightly-dirty, very-dry, in-and-out, super-chilled half-and-half martini with a lemon twist. Limit orders to beer, straight shots and two-part cocktails.

- have some respect for the poor drunk fool.

9. Get the bartender's attention with eye contact and a smile.

- bartenders is people too.

10. Do not make eye contact with the bartender if you do not want a drink.

- unless it's dead. then chat your drunk ass away.

11. Unacceptable things to say after doing a shot: Great, now I’m going to get drunk. I hate shots. It’s coming back up.

- the quick way to get smacked around.

12. Never, ever tell a bartender he made your drink too strong.

- cuz he'll fix that next time you order one. unless you LIKE drinking tap water.

13. If he makes it too weak, order a double next time. He'll get the message.

- hopefully.

14. If you offer to buy a woman a drink and she refuses, she does not like you.

- sucker.

15. If you offer to buy a woman a drink and she accepts, she still might not like you.

- and you're still a sucker.

16. If she buys you a drink, she likes you.

- drink up ya luck bastard. to my knowledge this almost never happens.

17. If someone offers to buy you a drink, do not upgrade your liquor preference.

- it's called manners.

18. Always have a corkscrew in your house.

- i guess. i'm not a wine drinker personally.

19. If you don't have a corkscrew, push the cork down into the bottle with a pen.

- just like mcguyver would.

20. Drink one girly drink in public and you will forever be known as the guy who drinks girly drinks.

- not this time nancy-boy!!

21. Our parents were better drinkers than we are.

- because society wasn't frowning on it nearly as much as they are now.

22. Never talk to someone in the restroom unless you're doing the same thing—urinating, waiting in line or washing your hands.

- not even that. do your business and leave.

23. Girls hang out, apply make-up, and have long talks in the bathroom. Men do not.

- unless they're looking to fight.

24. After your sixth drink, do not look at yourself in the mirror. It will shake your confidence.

- or give false confidence.

25. It is only permissible to shout 'woo-hoo!' if you are doing a shot with four or more people.

- or quoting homer simpson.

26. If there is a d.j., you can request a song only once per night. If he doesn't play it within half an hour, do not approach him again. If he does play it, do not approach him again.

- just don't do it. chances are i'll hate what you pick and you'll hate what i pick. let's save each other the pain and not request anything.

27. Learn how to make a rose out of a bar napkin. You'll be surprised how well it works.

- ask my brother. it's true.

28. If you can't afford to tip, you can't afford to drink in a bar. Go to the liquor store.

- and make sure you drink from the brown paper bag ya cheap wino.

29. If you owe someone twenty dollars or less, you may pay them back in beer.

- they'll appreciate it.

30. Never complain about the quality or brand of a free drink.

- once again, it's called manners.

31. If you have been roommates with someone more than six months, you may drink all their beer, even if it's hidden, as long as you leave them one.

- how dare they hide beer. you drink ALL that hoarding bastard's stash!!!

32. You can have a shot of their hard liquor only if the cap has been cracked and the bottle goes for less than $25.

- i got no problem with that.

33. The only thing that tastes better than free liquor is stolen liquor.

- like from a keg. stolen kegs are the best.

34. If you bring Old Milwaukee to a party, you must drink at least two cans before you start drinking the imported beer in the fridge.

- for every one GOOD beer you drink you must drink TWO of yours.

35. Learn to appreciate hangovers. If it was all good times every jackass would be doing it.

- i never thought of it that way. nice.

36. If you ever feel depressed, get out a bartender’s guide and browse through all the drinks you’ve never tried.

- learning is fun

37. Try one new drink each week.

- i dunno, that gets expensive.

38. If you are the bar's sole customer, you are obliged to make small talk with the bartender until he stops acknowledging you. Then you're off the hook. The same goes for him.

- if that happens leave. cuz then that's just depressing.

39. Never tip with coins that have touched you. If your change is $1.50, you can tell the barmaid to keep the change, but once she has handed it to you, you cannot give it back. To a bartender or cocktail waitress, small change has no value.

- plus it's a pain in the ass to lug around.

40. If you have ever told a bartender, “Hey, it all spends the same,” then you are a cheap ass.

- indeed you are

41. Anyone on stage or behind a bar is fifty percent better looking.

- not always. sometimes she really is THAT DAMN HOT.

42. You can tell how hard a drinker someone is by how close they keep their drink to their mouth.

- if they're wearing the glass like a feedbag, do NOT attempt to outdrink them.

43. A bar is a college, not a nursery. If you spill a beer, clean it up. If you break a glass, wait for a staff member to clean it up, then blame it on someone else.

- preferably someone to drunk to defend the accusation.

44. Being drunk is feeling sophisticated without being able to say it.

- sofis-ti-pated.... no wait.... sosic-a-mated.....ugh.....

45. It's okay to drink alone.

- sometimes it's your only option.

46. After three drinks, you will forget a woman's name two seconds after she tells you. The rest of the night you will call her “baby” or “darling”.

- just make sure you remember her face when you come back from the can.

47. Nothing screams 'nancy boy' louder than swirling an oversized brandy snifter.

- if more than one person is doing it, you've wandered itno a gay bar or country club. either way RUN.

48. Men don't drink from straws. Unless you're doing a Mind or Face Eraser.

- it's impossible to look manley and drink from a straw. it can't be done. john wayne himself wouldn't be able (nor would he attempt) to do it.

49. If you do a shot, finish it. If you don't plan to finish it, don't accept it.

- damn straight.

50. Never brood in a dance bar. Never dance in a dive bar.

- and never dive in a brood bar. no wait....

51. Never play more than three songs by the same artist in a row.

- you should be kicked in the fucking head if you do.

52. Your songs will come on as you're leaving the bar.

- enjoy the songs picked by the guy who just left in the meantime.

53. Never yell out jukebox selections to someone you don't know.

- why would you?

54. Never lie in a bar. You may, however, grossly exaggerate and lean.

- remember, you stretch the truth, you don't break it.

55. If you think you might be slurring a little, then you are slurring a lot. If you think you are slurring a lot, then you are not speaking English.

- and that isn't drool

56. Screaming, “Someone buy me a drink!” has never worked.

- for a guy.

57. For every drink, there is a five percent better chance you will get in a fight. There is also a three percent better chance you will lose the fight.

- hence you must fight someone drunker than you.

58. Fighting an extremely drunk person when you are sober is hilarious.

- oh indeed.

59. If you are broke and a friend is “sporting you”, you must laugh at all his jokes and play wingman when he makes his move.

- you god damn well BETTER.

60. If you are broke and a friend is “making sport of you”, you may steal any drink he leaves unattended.

- and scurry off to drink it in a dark corner. like the rat you are. nibble at that cheese....

61. Never rest your head on a table or bar top. It is the equivalent of voluntarily putting your head on a chopping block.

- plus you don't know what has been on that table.

62. If you are trading rounds with a friend and he asks if you're ready for another, always say yes. Once you fall out of sync you will end up buying more drinks than him.

- plus you may get lucky and he's so drunk he always thinks it's his turn to buy.

63. If you're going to hit on a member of the bar staff, make sure you tip well before and after, regardless of her response.

- either way you're a sucker. she's going to be nice so keep tipping you tool.

64. The people with the most money are rarely the best tippers.

- they didn't get rich GIVING it away.

65. Before you die, single-handedly make one decent martini.

- and if i don't?

66. Asking a bartender what beers are on tap when the handles are right in front of you is the equivalent of saying, “I'm an idiot.”

- he's then allowed to try and give you the cheap shit and charge the expensive price.

67. Never ask a bartender “what's good tonight?” They do not fly in the scotch fresh from the coast every morning.

- after enough drinks it's ALL good.

68. If there is a line for drinks, get your goddamn drink and step the hell away from the bar.

- and don't order something complicated you ass.

69. If there is ever any confusion, the fuller beer is yours.

- so monitor your beer close. it should never leave your sight or grip.

70. The patrons at your local bar are your extended family, your fathers and mothers, your brothers and sisters. Except you get to sleep with these sisters. And if you're really drunk, the mothers.

- just try not to think of it like this TOO literally.

71. It's acceptable, traditional in fact, to disappear during a night of hard drinking. You will appear mysterious and your friends will understand. If they even notice.

- just make sure you reappear with pants on. then they have to ask.

72. Never argue your tab at the end of the night. Remember, you're hammered and they’re sober. It's akin to a precocious five-year-old arguing the super-string theory with a physicist. 99.9% of the time you're wrong and either way you're going to come off as a jackass.

- try and drink somewhere where the bartender is honest.

73. If you bring booze to a party, you must drink it or leave it.

- and no bitching if you don't drink it.

74. If you hesitate more than three seconds after the bartender looks at you, you do not deserve a drink.

- he's busy and has money to make. know what the fuck you want dipshit.

75. Beer makes you mellow, champagne makes you silly, wine makes you dramatic, tequila makes you felonious.

- good beer makes you punchy.

76. The greatest thing a drunkard can do is buy a round of drinks for a packed bar.

- a RICH drunkard.

77. Never preface a conversation with a bartender with “I know this is going to be a hassle, but . . .”

- just don't.

78. When you’re in a bar and drunk, your boss is just another guy begging for a fat lip. Unless he’s buying.

- then god bless that man.

79. If you are 86’d, do not return for at least three months. To come back sooner makes it appear no other bar wants you.

- unless no other bar wants you. then hang your head in shame and drink up.

80. Anyone with three or more drinks in his hands has the right of way.

- damn straight.

81. If you’re going to drink on the job, drink vodka. It’s the no-tell liquor.

- just don't drink a LOT of it. moderation.

82. There’s nothing wrong with drinking before noon. Especially if you’re supposed to be at work.

- now that's just funny.

83. The bar clock moves twice as fast from midnight to last call.

- but that's only cuz you move 5 times as slow.

84. A flask engraved with a personal message is one of the best gifts you can ever give. And make sure there’s something in it.

- it's fucking classy. just like me.

85. On the intimacy scale, sharing a quiet drink is between a handshake and a kiss.

- and pouring alcohol all over naked bodies in hot passionate sex is way the fuck off the chart. but then that's like one of those things that only happens in pornos.

86. You will forget every one of these rules by your fifth drink.

- forget..... forget.....

#1 of autoblog

autoblog's #1 most commented post of 2006

debut of the chevy camaro concept

a bitching car that needs to be made.

2007

oh yeah and Happy New Year by the way

by the way

I know some of you that visit here found this place because of the NASCAR posting i used to do. Maybe you found your way over from my time as a blogger for thatsracin.com or just by accident. either way, i'm just letting you know that those postings aren't happening anymore. ever. after the Talladega race during the 2006 chase, i officially quit NASCAR for good. several reasons.

- no more enforcement. that race ending sealed it. NASCAR doesn't give a rat's ass about enforcing rules or sportsmanlike conduct. yeah yeah it just so happened that it was Jr that got screwed, that did add to it, but that was just the straw that broke the camel's back. i mean seriously, is there a sport out there more selective on how and when they enforce their OWN rules? i just can't take it.

- TV coverage. it sucks. plain and simple. i'd like to think that it might get better with the return to ESPN, but i really have no reason to think otherwise. we're still going to have to sit thru 1/3 of the race being commercials, boring filler segments, and announcers with their heads jammed WAY the fuck up their asses.

- overblown news. tony stewart gets mad. dale jr says ANYTHING. a roush driver complains. these are all things that we're used to happening and once they do the news can't shove it down our collective throats fast enough. i'm tired of one story being told 50 ba-ZILLION times and always being blown way the fuck out of proportion.

- johnson winning title. this isn't a main reason, it's just something that ties in with previous reasons. like the enforcement. our current championship team has been busted for cheating more than anyone else and then comes out and wins the title. so how are any of us supposed to think NASCAR is serious about enforcing rules. yeah sure. next you'll tell me that baseball was serious about busting steroids back when McGuire and Sosa were saving baseball from collapsing. johnson winning is also going to fall under the "overblown news". i'm not particularly interested in a TON of johnson ass-kissing.

so it's been a good run. i've had some good times watching and met some great people. it's now NFL, some NBA, and Manchester United watching for me.

polls

said it before and i'll say it again. polls are absolutely WORTHLESS

story was about a poll to gauge the american public thoughts on upcoming 2007. here's a few notes.

- the poll was done over the phone by calling 1000 people. that's right. calling 1000 people is supposed to be an indicator for how millions think.

- 35% said they think the military draft will be reinstated.

- then again, 25% said they thought Jesus was making a second-coming. so what does that tell you.

so next time you hear about a poll, just laugh.

maybe this

The damned good looking!!!!

i think i figured out more on that joke thing. it wasn't JUST the joke, but the way it was told. the character just looks funny plus the smile after her tells it. still funny.

dammit!!!

stupid stupid me. how could i forget? i'm adding to my top movie list again. baker's dozen folks.

Crank. how could i forget that movie. totally awesome movie. and the sex scene right in the middle of chinatown was priceless.

WVU

WVU baby!!!!! woooo!!!! suck it UCONN!!!!

joke

ever have one of those jokes that you know wasn't particularly funny, but for SOME unknown reason you couldn't stop laughing about it and it stuck in your head? i got one in me noggin thanks to Futurama. From the episode "A pharaoh to remember". for some reason i can't help but laugh every time i think of it.

The high priest during the pharaoh funeral:

"We commend the body of Hermenthotip to the abode of the damned.
The damned good looking!
Pharaoh commanded me to tell that joke at his funeral."

how to be (part 2)

Hey hey hey now..... i'm all about both sides of education.

how to be the perfect boyfriend

How to be

I never miss a chance to educate and inform. so in the spirit of education i present a video for the ladies.

How to be the perfect girlfriend

dead

Saddam is dead. 15 years too late but at least he's gone.

yay

ghost riding the whip.

a new fad in which dumbasses leave the cars in forward motion, get out and dance on the roof while it's moving. needless to say, it's popular and it's causing injuries left and right.

my only question: isn't there some way we could encourage this? this is prime opportunity to weed out some undesirables in the gene pool. dudes that are fucking retarded enough to do this deserve whatever they get.

Stupid me

I'm going to add 2 more to my movies list for 2006. screw you, it's my blog. in the words of Cartman.... whateva....whateva....i do what i want!!!!

11 - The Departed. can't believe i forgot about this one. awesome fucking movie. everyone is at the top of their game in this. i'd like to offer an apology to Leonardo Dicaprio. i've never really given him his due as an actor. i'd like to include Brad Pitt in this apology too. mostly because they started out as chick flik heartthrobs and after listening to girls talk about how dreamy they are etc.... i just wanted to vomit. so i kinda had a built-in prejudice regarding them. but i'm man enough to admit when i'm wrong. they're both great actors and i'm a jealous jackass.

12 - Beerfest. what was extra nice about this movie was that i got to see it early at an advance screening at the Alamo Drafthouse theater. not only that, but i had my drinking buddies along for the ride.

Cheating

seems like all the talk on sports somehow seems to include cheating nowadays. any athlete that accomplishes superhuman feats or breaks massive records is now under the eyeglass. of course, with guys like Bonds breaking the records and then acting like total douchbags, it makes it easier. of course it seems no sport is exempt anymore.

Indian chess player banned 10 years for cheating.

and spare me the "chess isn't a sport" comments. i know. you know what though, i got a varisty letter in high school for it just like the letters the football players got. mine actually means something because MY team was state champs 2 years in a row and we actually won games.

movies of 2006

i can never stand reading the "top" lists of movie critics of self-important film snobs (like the people over at aintitcoolnews.com). they always hail these no-name artsy fliks as the best and it's total crap. so here's MY top 10. and i'm not ranking them, just the top 10.

so in no particular order.....
1 - Superman Returns. it's superman for the love of god. yeah the film had WAY too much romance in it (read: any) and not enough action. but it was well done and the plane rescue scene gave me goosebumps. let's hope the sequel has more action to it.

2 - Clerks 2. this movie was great. Randall continues to be one of the most awesome characters on film. i say that since i see a lot of me in him.

3 - Jackass 2. screw you holier-than-thou people who think you're "too sophisticated" to see a movie like this. it's funny. it's guys playing jokes on each other and doing wacky stunts. don't analyze, don't try and make a case for the decline of society. just laugh you bastards.

4 - Borat. it's offensive and just plain weird and yet it's hilarious.

5 - Saw 3. with the amount of boring dumbass horror films out, it's nice to see one that can still make you uncomfortable.

6 - V for Vendetta. the "v word" speech was priceless. what's great though was the sheer amount of people too stupid to know this wasn't a swipe at the Bush administration and that the best message you could've gotten from this movie is that if we're looking for someone to blame for the way things are we need only look in the mirror.

7 - Hostel. once again, nice to see a film that can make you squirm. not to mention it reminded me that i need to take a trip to the balkans.

8 - Pirates of the Caribbean 2. heh heh. pirates is cool.

9 - Xmen 3. action packed and enjoyable. can't wait for the Wolverine movie.

10 - Mission Impossible 3. action and fun. so what if Tom is crazy, at least he ain't telling me how to vote.

Sports jerks in review

There's a great article on ESPN.com about just how much sports has gone to shit this year.

the article ranges from jackasses like Terrell Owens to Barry Bonds. i'm at a loss as to who the BIGGEST one was this year.

i think the frontrunner is owens. the man just can't stand to have the news NOT be about him. what's even better is how the media loved to talk about him grabbing headlines out of one side of their mouth while shoving those same headlines down our throats with the other side of their mouths. "later tonight, our report on terrell owens shamelessly grabbing more headlines, but first our top story, terrell owens in the headlines again". so while i think he's an ego-fueled ass, i shift a good portion of the blame at the media.

there are plenty of other nominees for BIGGEST jackass. Marcus Vick, a thug who is living proof that athletic talent makes you above the system. any other black man in Virginia who gives underage girls booze then waves a gun at people in a McDonald's parking lot would be in jail. no freaking question about it. no but instead he's been handed opportunities out the ying-yang and is currently a member of the Miami Dolphins. that's justice for you.

anyways, the article is worth a look.

RIP James Brown

Truly a loss for the music world. This is probably one of if not the most influential artists ever. You will be missed Godfather. some tributes.

By Eddie Murphy from SNL


A mini-movie from BMW. Badass as hell


Classic James


More Classic - Papa's Got a Brand New Bag


Living in America - from Rocky IV

MST3K

found something great to blog.

mystery science theater 3000. their greatest episode.

Santa Clause conquers the martians.

this is so damn funny you'll pee your pants.


part 1
part 2
part 3
part 4
part 5
part 6
part 7
part 8
part 9
part 10

Back

i've decided to start blogging again. life changes have given me a need to vent and ponder things. i've found blogging remains the best way to do so. what changes?

- employment. currently i'm working as tech support for AT&T's U-Verse service. if you don't know what it is then count yourself lucky. stay away till these yahoos get their shit together. at least another year. believe it or not, the customers don't bother me in this job. in fact, i feel SORRY for the customers. more on that later.

- Carrie. months ago i got back in touch with Carrie. we've been chatting since then and it's been a really good thing for us both. We've managed to clear the air on a lot of unresolved things from our past and find some closure. the main thing that's been great about it is that i'm more sure then ever that she is in fact the one true love i'll ever have. years later i still care more about her than any woman i ever met. unfortunately it also seals my belief that sometimes, love isn't enough and that just because you're meant for someone doesn't mean you'll end up with them. it's sad but it's a fact of life. i accept it.

- gaming. with my job and school i have like no time for gaming lately. it sucks ass.

anyways, that's the update. guess i'll find something useful to post later.

Poll

Poll: Americans don't want net neutrality


this poll says 2 things. oh sure it's about americans and net neutrality, but here's what it REALLY tells us.

1 - polls are worthless. you ask 800 people a question and suddenly we've got a snapshot of how the country thinks? only a total retard would believe a poll actually says anything worth listening to.

2 - the second sentence of this article says that only 7 percent of the people polled even knew WHAT net neutrality is. this proves wizard's first rule. "people are stupid".

we've all been told that our vote is special and it makes a difference for so long that we actually believe it. news flash.... your vote isn't special. votes mean crap. also, don't let anyone ever tell you that if you don't vote you have no right to complain. time for a little perspective folks, you need to realize exactly WHAT your vote means. realize something, you don't vote for EVERY politician that's in office. so when i bitch about whack-o nutfucks like Ted Kennedy and Nancy Pelosi, guess what, i have every fucking right. i can't vote those asshats out of office. i can't get rid of all these prick judges who actually let lawyers flood our courts with bullshit lawsuits.

i know this sounds cliche, but if you ever want to make good use of the power you DO have, then you have to accept just how powerless you are. so just accept that you CAN'T change the world with a single vote. you aren't special. you're no different than any of us.

oh and do i even need to stress that you need just stop believing every and damn near ANYthing the media tells you?

Homer Simpson's jobs

List of Homer Simpson's jobs

i gotta admit, i'm impressed.

9/11 conspiracy theorists energized

CNN.com - 9/11 conspiracy theorists energized - Aug 6, 2006

ok, someone explain this one to me. President Bush has a degree from a very prestigious university. His advisors and staff all do too. The people running the pentagon, CIA, and FBI all have degrees from universities. Yet somehow the people who buy into bullshit stories like this always proclaim how "stupid" they all are. I mean, you can't fucking turn around without a "Bush is stupid" joke. It's gotten to where those jokes now SUCK THE FUNNY FROM THE ROOM every time they're told. Horse dead, stop the beating, it no funny no more you fucking nimrods.

And thru all this we're somehow supposed to believe that just because THESE wackos have degrees that somehow adds MORE "truth" to the conspiracy theories? I'm not going to bother and ask if people are really this stupid because I already know the answer is "while not everyone is there's enough that are that it's fucking scary and I weep for this country's future"

Walken

the best part of Pulp Fiction.

futurama

What if life were like a video game?

WoW raid

WHO THE FUCK WAS THAT?!?!?!

i love this movie. the animation to go with this guy losing his damn mind is hilarious.

Mission

I have an actual mission for the people at PETA. Instead of wasting everyone's time here by bothering college about their mascots or trying to get us to boycott KFC, maybe they can go do something about this....

i'll just give you the headline...... "50,000 dogs beaten to death in China".

see, that's how THEY handle rabies problems. none of this, kennel and euthenasia stuff WE do. they grab dogs from owners arms sometimes and beat them to death right in the street, with sticks, in front of the owners sometimes.

well what are you waiting for PETA!?!? Come on Pamela Anderson, swing your massive tits over to China and see what they have to say.

rules for life

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

what the hell?

oh my god. get this.....

Jacob Woods just wanted to play the latest N-B-A video game, but the disc he brought home from the store had nothing to do with basketball.

When the eleven-year-old Stokes County boy installed the video into his Playstation Portable, what played was a pornographic movie.

Tony Woods says the game box was sealed and wrapped when he bought it at a local Wal-Mart.

A Wal-Mart spokeswoman says the company will exchange the tape or refund the video for a new one. She says the chain will also work with the manufacturer to determine what happened.

Tony Woods says he's contacted an attorney, but also says he just wants his son to get the right video before he goes on a trip next week.

so let me see if i understand this one. this kid hits the young male JACKPOT and he runs off and tells his dad!?!?!? nice. hey dad, when you're suing Walmart, be sure to include free makeup and dresses for life in the settlement. your "son" is going to need them.

Vegas baby

KLASTV.com | News for Las Vegas, Nevada | Las Vegas Poised to Fight 'Rainbow Six Vegas'


this story is too good not to share.

basically, the city officials in Vegas are going to protest the release of the game Rainbow Six: Las Vegas. for those of you unfamiliar with the game series, you play a counter-terrorist group where you save people and such. excellent series by the way.

anyway, the Vegas mayor and such don't like that there are masked gunmen firing into crowds and explosions along the strip. they want to make it clear that the story (that's right the VIDEO GAME story) is based on a false premise. you got that? it NEVER HAPPENED for REAL.

and just to clear it up, Nicolas Cage never crashed a plane loaded with convicts into the strip either. i guess the mayor doesn't have an issue with THAT premise, but the idea that you could save innocent lives FROM the criminals against the backdrop of his city is too much for him to handle.

so once again, Las Vegas, the city that advertises around drinking, gambling, and sex..... does not want you to think a storyline about fighting terrorists in their town ever happened for real.

Kevin Smith on His Superman Script - Bam! Kapow!

Kevin Smith on His Superman Script - Bam! Kapow!

i finally understand why the Kevin Smith Superman movie never happened and THANK GOD. i feel bad for Kevin. really bad. it isn't his fault. i'd have snapped a million times in his place. hollywood is a place of evil.

it's 20 minutes long but it's worth watching. you'll feel 100 million times better on how Superman Returns came out if you didn't like it.

by the way if i ever meet John Peters the movie producer, i'm beating him to death right on the street.

Chase changes

i assume y'all heard about France thinking of messing with the Chase format AGAIN. thanks Kristen for posting this on trackside (no not THAT kristin roger)



Top 10 Ways Brian France Is Considering "Changing" "The Race"


10. Changing the title to, “B. France’s Next el Conductor del Campeonato.”

9. Instead of a trophy, the winner gets to spend 5 fabulous days and nights at the France family compound.

8. If the ratings of any particular Chase race do NOT beat those of the competing NFL game, the race is declared null and void and rerun when two “more beatable” NFL teams are playing.

7. Driver and Crew Chief of each Top 10 team must switch places for at least one race during the Chase. The team that must switch will be drawn out of a hat ten minutes before the start of the race, after which the team that is drawn will no longer be included in any subsequent drawings.

6. Sealed bids will be accepted from each Top 10 car’s sponsor to determine starting order for each of the last ten races. Highest bid starts on the pole. (Checks payable to B. France)

5. All “Chase” races to be held in the market of Brian’s choosing.

4. The car of any Top 10 driver whose last name ends in “son” will be exempt from ANY NASCAR inspection during the entire Chase.

3. The first 26 races of the season will be “non-points” events, practice races if you will. THEN the “Chase” begins, with EVERYONE within 400 points of the leader!

2. For all “Chase” races, prices automatically double for everything, from tickets to hot dogs.

1. Expand “The Chase” to include 36 races….no, that won’t work! What a stupid way to determine a Champion.

Sports Guy world cup

Sports Guy offers his thoughts on the World Cup.

this was hilarious.


8. Everyone makes fun of the flopping, and it is hideous, but it's also funny as hell. These guys drop like they were gunned down by a sniper, then they roll around for 10 seconds in absolute agony, heroically hop up and limp around to "shake it off," and within 30 seconds they're running full speed again. Even Ric Flair didn't sell pain so well. More important, it's the one thing that will keep soccer from ever, ever, ever becoming a bona fide force in this country. Americans won't stomach such dishonesty. We see right through it. No way Dwyane Wade pulls that crap; we'd never allow it. OK, bad example.


he makes a good point though. the faking injuries thing has been a REAL turnoff for Americans. allow me to shed some light on this though. one of the bonuses of knowing Josh and Robbie is the insight i've gotten on the nuances of Soccer overseas. Robbie knows everything about any sport out there and Josh has been playing the game more than half his life. So the flopping breaks down like this: it's expected. when you get hit you go down and act like your leg just snapped in half. then when you get up, you go find the guy who did it and you slide-tackle the fuck out of him. that's just how it works. do i like it? no. i think it's a total pussy way of playing. obviously most everyone in this country feels the same way.

so the final is coming up and frankly it disgusts me. is there any way that BOTH teams can lose? i just don't want France or Italy winning. i primarily rooted the US to win. patriotism. after them i went for England and Spain. England because i jumped on the bandwagon from being around Josh and Robbie. Hey, i'm new to the sport so i just went for what my friends did. Hell, before i became a Texans fan i would root for the Raiders, Bills, and Patriots thanks to Roger my Dad and Mike Kelly. I rooted for Spain since it's in my family heritage and for my good friend Yolanda.

oh well. maybe next time. 4 years......

ye olde blog

i've read a few reviews of Superman Returns . mostly good. some not so. that doesn't bother me, what DOES bother me is these idiots who are knit-fucking-picky as hell about plot and character stuff. for example.... (warning, spoilers ahead)

- the kid. so we got people wondering why the kid wasn't leaping tall buildings and flinging cars like dear old dad. ok let me clear this up. superman doesn't have a freaking kid in the comics. meaning.... THERE ARE NO "RULES" TO HOW HIS SPAWN WOULD DEVELOP!!!! especially not one that's half-human. maybe not all superman's powers transfer..... maybe the kid needs more sun..... maybe kryptonite has no effect on the kid..... maybe kryptonite charges his powers..... WHO THE FUCK KNOWS?!?!? these nimrods act like there's established continuity.

- Clark Kent returns. so why doesn't anyone notice Clark and Superman return around the same time? well, it's pretty simple. nobody noticed because nobody cares. The whole reason a simple disguise like a pair of glasses works is because nobody looks for Superman to be disguised as a mere mortal. you saw Lois and Richard laugh at the IDEA that Clark was Superman.


there was one plot observation that i kinda have to agree with. Lex's land scheme. Sinking the entire continental United States would have a pretty SIGNIFICANT effect on the world's economy wouldn't you agree? Something tells me Lex might find his land not quite worth as much as he hopes when there ain't no money to pay with.

Review

Someone braver (or dumber) than me went and saw "The Break Up". i love this review.


Despite being one of the worst reviewed movies of the summer so far (with only a 32 percent approval on rotten tomatoes) 'the Break Up' scored a respectable opening weekend, pulling in 38 million dollars and finishing number 1 at the box office. 'X Men 3' follwed its record breaking 107 million dollar opening last week with another 34 million over the weekend, bringing its total to 176 million in just 9 days. 'The Break Up' will almost certainly never hit those kind of numbers. Seriously. God damn that thing was boring. After about 30 minutes I forgot I was even watching a movie. It's like staring at an aquarium for two hours.

football/simpsons

what do these have in common? well, someone decided to mix and match.

check it out.

Sarlac Pit

this is the best fight scene from the original Star Wars trilogy.

go away

Bonds just hit 715. can he FINALLY just retire and go away now? i'm so fucking sick of hearing about this asshole.

Mac-PC debate

you've seen those commercials where the Mac tries and show that it's younger and hip and better compared to the old guy? Mac can read this comic and suck it. (click comic to enlarge)

Comedy

Since i returned back to states in October of 04, i've seen quite a few comedy acts. Some with Josh and Robbie. I've seen.....

- George Carlin
- Carlos Mencia
- Robert Schimmel
- Dave Chappelle

We also have tickets to see.....

- in June, Lewis Black
- in August, Ron White

me like funny.

24 finale

I hated it. only because i can't STAND how this show shits all over Jack nonstop. don't get me wrong, there isn't a better show on TV, and this was a totally awesome season, but COME ON!!!!!! give Jack a fucking break!!!!!!

Weekend trip

Went to New Orleans this weekend with my family to meet up with my sister. She's in the area working for Americorp. They're helping the long term recovery efforts.

whoever designed the layout and the street design needs to be fucking shot. a lot. in the stomach and left to die. it's like D.C. getting around is a nightmare. the town is like D.C. in other ways that make it a total waste but i'm not going to go into them.

the cherry on the cake was seeing that the morons in the city actually reelected that scumbag Nagin.

let me make this clear...... from here on out, whatever that town gets, it DESERVES. when you let the race card trump common sense, you're ASKING to get screwed. so when another hurricane comes and finishes the job, i'm going to laugh long and loud.

New shows

Fox just announced their newest lineups. As well as returning shows. Mostly a lot of crap. glad to see 24, Family Guy, and Simpsons returning. the rest can go f themselves.

Returning: 24, American Dad, American Idol, America's Most Wanted: America Strikes Back, Bones, Cops, Family Guy, House, King of the Hill, The Loop, MADtv, Nanny 911, The O.C., Prison Break, The Simpsons, Trading Spouses: Meet your new Mommy, The War at Home.

Some new shows are coming and quite frankly they all look like crap. Well, except for one. This one actually seems watchable.

Duets: Simon Cowell strikes again. He's producing a reality contest where professional singers pair with amateurs to sing duets and win money for charity. Of course, viewers get to vote by phone.


Why would i want to watch this? I'm going to find a place to thrown down bets on which "pro" loses it and goes off on the poor shmuck they get paired with. Because you know that's why Fox is hoping for.

tv venting

Ok so i had the TV on last night while i was working on some homework. Boston Legal came on. couple things..... one, i have never seen this show but i have a grudge against it. 24 got ROYALLY screwed out of an Emmy award by them. yeah yeah, i know the Emmys are a sham, but i really really hate when shows get snubbed. second.... i like William Shatner. he's great. so i figured i owed the show a chance.

i promptly regretted it all.

my first question, which as a rabid 24 fan i ask very loudly: HOW IN THE 7 LEVELS OF HELL DID THIS FUCKING SHOW GET CLASSIFIED AS A DRAMA!?!?!?!?!? IT'S ALLY MCBEAL!!!!

so not only did Keifer Sutherland get dicked over, he got dicked over by someone he never should have been competing against.

no way

This has got to be a joke.

basically, the article says that Sony and other companies planning to make the Blu-Ray discs are planning on building a feature into the PLAYERS that makes it so you have to keep it connected online and if any discs that aren't coded properly (aka: discs you got raped in cost from the store) then they can send a "self-destruct" code to your player and shut it down rendering it useless.

i thought the object of a business is to make people WANT to buy your product. they might as well ship an electrified collar you must keep fastened around your neck that emits periodic shocks for the player to work. i gotta tell ya, between this kind of shit and the highway robbery prices of the PS3 we could be looking at the begining of the end for Sony.

The question is, will Microsoft jump at the chance to win a bigger share of the market or will they enact similar measures to "combat piracy" and alienate potential customers?

learning something every day

my grandmother is in town and while we were driving to meet my mom for lunch i learned that on my mother's side i'm 5th generation american. which is to say my grandmother's grandfather was born here in the U.S. on my father's side i'm 1st generation technically. he was born in spain a Spaniard and adopted by my grandfather who was stationed there in the air force at the time.

with all the immigration talk, i had always wondered how far back my mom's side was native to the U.S.

and knowing is half the battle!!!!

Laugh at Sony

get what one of the Sony executives is recommending......


GamePro sat down with Sony Computer Entertainment executive Phil Harrison at E3 earlier this week, where he re-iterated a sentiment made by Microsoft's Corporate Vice President of Interactive Entertainment Peter Moore, where he said that buyers of of a next-generation console should also buy Nintendo's Wii system.


riiiiiight..... cuz if we get stupid and blow the $700 or so for a PS3 and a game we're going to have PLENTY of cash to grab a Wii.

at this point i can't tell if Sony has gone totally bonkers or if their ego has gone out of control. either way Microsoft is laughing their asses off.

Autographs

for all you autograph hounds out there. someone composed a list of the "best" and "worst" celebs to seek a signature from.

check it out.

the best? johnny depp.
the worst? cameron diaz.

what a dumbass

Storytime kids.....

last night Josh and i were driving to Hooters. we pulled up to a light and in front of the car in front of us was some dude on a crotch rocket. he was trying to show off for the guy in the car next to him. burned his tires in-place. the car did the same. then suddenly i saw his bike jump up on him in a wheelie or something and then the jackass fell over. i laughed my ass off. the guy in car got out and helped him up and helped pick up the pieces of his bike that broke off. josh and i drove off yelling "nice job moron!!!" out the window.

Battlestar Galactica animated

Someone decided to draw the cast of Battlestar Galactica in the Simpsons-style.

this is awesome.

Simpsons and stuff

I love the simpsons. it's a top 5 on the list of greatest TV shows ever. but...... i've actually found sometihng that i've officially gotten tired of. to the point of if i see it in another episode i'm not watching it.

the break-up make-up plots between Homer and Marge.

i'm sorry but they just aren't funny anymore. it's crappy writing, lazy, sappy, and just really really not entertaining. come to think of it, none of them ever really were. Homer and Marge's relationship issues have actually always been the weakest part of the show. sure they make for some great moments but it's a lot of unfunny to have to sit thru to get some funny. i dunno. am i alone here in thinking this?

anyways, something else in the entertainment department. star wars. lucas just announced he'll be releasing the original trilogy on DVD unedited. so now han can shoot first. the funny part is, the SECOND i read this i told myself "i'll bet anything people will STILL bitch about it." leave it the jackasses at IGN, aintitcoolnews, PvP, and Comingsoon to prove me right. all of them were like "wow exciting, but i still feel like Lucas is stealing my money, etc...." see, this is the reason i'm not really DEEP into geek culture. i'm geek enough to be a hard gamer, and hold my own on a forum, but by no means do i consider myself a "geek" anymore. i refuse to be in the same boat with these morons who sit around bashing any form of authority, complain to high hell about game/movie prices while continuing to spend money on them. then they sit and wonder why nobody respects gamers and sci-fi geeks.

MLB goes wussie

To honor a holiday most of us couldn't give a shit about, Cinco de Mayo, the Texas Rangers wore uniforms that said "Los Rangers" on them.

you gotta be fucking kidding me.

report from Michelle Malkin

i loved this comment from one of her readers.

I understand that just for last night's game, stolen bases were known as "undocumented bases", and no one was allowed to be thrown out.

Jr wins

Hells yeah!!!!

i thought he was going to have to settle for second the way Harvick was running. In the end though my boy came thru. This was a good sight to see.

Mission Impossible 3 review

It was a good movie. lots of action and tension. i can see the "Alias" influence from the director. Josh asked if the action was better than the others. I answered yes and no. it's hard to compare the 3 movies since they all had unique styles to them. I mean, it's hard to compare anything to John Woo's work. the man knows how to do action.

So anyway, it was a great movie. i recommend you go see it.

Now begins my favorite "time of the year" the summer movie season. once a movie buff always a movie buff.

uncle jimmy

i'm an uncle again. Congrats to Roger and Sharlyn on the birth of Colton Dale Larew. everyone is doing fine.

how to tell

Family Guy helps us tell when we have gays.

not this time nancy boy!!

Supertrailer

Just downloaded the theatrical trailer for Superman Returns. It'll be in theaters with Mission Impossible 3 this weekend. by the way, i don't care how batshit crazy Cruise is, i'm going to go see his movie. i love his movies. he can be as coo coo as he likes as long as he makes entertaining pictures and isn't telling me how to vote i'm cool.

anyway, the trailer. awesome. Kevin Spacey is going to own the Lex Luthor role from now on, i can tell. Bye bye Gene Hackman.

I don't know how to feel about this movie. i instinctively hate comic book and video game movies. it's just because i know that Hollywood doesn't respect either medium to treat it seriously. they hire douchbags like that asswipe Uwe Boll to make the movies not caring if they get treated seriously or not. Look at the first 4 Batman movies. you have to know jack shit about the comic to actually think any of those movies were remotely good. Batman Begins is the only reason i have the slightest hope for the new Superman Movie.


anyways, judge for yourself on the trailer.

headlines

Headlines from the year 2029!


Baby conceived naturally - - scientists stumped.

Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.

Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica.

Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 036.

Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.

85-year, $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise is the key to weight loss.

Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.

Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.

Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.

Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.

Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.

IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.

Florida voters still having trouble with voting machines.

Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia, formerly known as California.

White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language.

F Vick

this is as bullshit as it gets. Marcus Vick will get a tryout at the Miami Dolphins mini-camp.

Nice. That really sends a great message. It's cool to liquor up teenage girls and wave guns in people's faces as long as you have some athletic ability.

This stupid country.

Immigrants

Let's get something straight first: my father is an immigrant. he wasn't born in this country. I was born in El Paso Texas. I'm of Hispanic origin. I'm not MEXICAN-AMERICAN. i'm an American. i don't have dual-citizenship and neither do the rest of you dumbasses who were born here and try tell people you're (nation)-American. You're American. Get over it.

So let's talk about this "walkout" today. The idea was to show the rest of America that somehow we're a crippled nation without 12 million criminals doing whatever they fucking please. fine. one problem..... you aren't taking this to the logical conclusion nor are you being 100% honest. that's why i'm here to help you out.

- let's start with the walkout. the idea was to show what would happen if we were lacking ILLEGAL immigrants and yet we had legal immigrants walking out too. so that's basically like saying we wanted to test the knowledge of all 4th grade students in the school and the 5th and 6th grade throw their scores into the mix "to show support". it doesn't really give an accurate count of what were were supposed to be testing for does it?

- that brings me to the most insulting part of this whole arguement. it isn't JUST the idea that these people overestimate their value. it's that they want us all to believe that they're only bringing GOOD things to the table. they want us to just skip over the details. things like crime, economic leeching, social invasion, and overcrowding. what do i mean? well, if we're going to have a day that shows the country MINUS illegal immigrants then are we going to subtract EVERYTHING they impact? yeah yeah they do shit jobs most of us wouldn't enjoy. how noble. HOWEVER..... are we also going to have a day WITHOUT them stealing our cars? breaking into our homes? are they going to leave the drugs at the border for a day? Are they going to leave our prisons so out tax dollars go towards something else? What about our hospitals? Do we get to deny them treatment all day so we can treat LEGAL citizens and maybe bring down health care costs some? Are they going to stay off our roads so they don't wreck our cars while driving without licences or insurance so we can maybe pay smaller premiums? How bout our schools? Do we get to kick them out so teachers in south Texas only have to worry about teaching in ENGLISH? Come on you guys, answer me. You started this day. In for a penny, in for a pound.

- the bottom line is, why should we treat these people special? they seem to think they're above the laws of this country. somehow cooking food and mowing lawns makes you SO important that you should be able to do whatever the fuck you like. These people are not special nor are they irreplacable. Need someone to do the lawns? Here's a novel idea: how about you kick some of these lazy fucking kids off the net and out of the mall and make them *gasp* do some manual fucking labor for a change. Little Johnny could use some time away from MySpace and learn to get his hands dirty. So we lose a few resturaunts because there's no cooks? big fucking deal. here's another shocking idea..... try sitting down with your family and having dinner together. It ain't going to kill us to eat at home, and this is coming from a guy who eats fast food all the fucking time.

- This bill in Congress isn't the answer. They want to make it MORE illegal to do something these illegals are already doing. Our prisons are crowded enough. You want to dry up the flow of aliens? Start throwing these jackasses who EMPLOY them in jail. I guaren-damn-tee that when these factory owners spend a few months tossing salads in Chino, work is going to become harder to come by for illegals.